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Last night was a nightmare

AlmostGone83's picture

Little Idiot (SD almost 19) is leaving for her spring break trip tomorrow. Guess who is taking her to the airport and picking her up because Uber is “too expensive” and she doesn’t want to spend the money when Daaady and Almost can drive her? Guess who caved to his princess? I lost my cool last night and made it quite clear I was NOT happy about having two Saturdays (our only day off) in a row messed up for princess’s vacation and she knew it. She snapped “well you won’t have to worry when I’m in boot camp (eyeroll) you won’t have to deal with me anymore”. 

Well that little sentence put my husband over the edge. He was enraged that Little Idiot might be starting to think she’s not welcome here and he “would never make (my) Family feel that way!”  And “If your family ever needed a ride somewhere I would take them!” And boy did I get the lecture of a lifetime which ended in me apologizing to her for making her feel “unwelcomed”. 

I am at the point where I just want both of them to leave me alone. 

Comments

beebeel's picture

So she hasn't even started training. She's not in school. What is it that she needs a vacation from, sitting on ass at her parents house? How is she paying for a vacation? And why the feck did you allow that jerk to bully you into apologizing to his brat?

AlmostGone83's picture

She has a part-time job, which is where all her spending money comes from. As for the second question, see below:

AlmostGone83's picture

I thought I had them but I guess I was tired and had a moment of weakness last night. Plus sometimes I get sick of arguing with H (Big Idiot). He will wear you out in an argument.

DPW's picture

You don't have them anymore, sorry. Your posts lately demonstrate you being taken advantage of and making a gazillion concessions for your DH and SD regardless of how you feel or what you want to do. Find your inner strength!

Aniki's picture

So what are YOU going to do to enjoy your free time? If your DH feels the need to be a taxi for SD, there's no reason why you have to sit at home and do nothing. Make some plans. Have some fun!

AlmostGone83's picture

Oh no he will insist that I go along as well because “I would do it for you” He doesn’t want to drive her there by himself. 

beebeel's picture

Oh he would? You have an adult son or daughter with whom he can even make an accurate comparison? He can "insist" all he wants, simply tell him no thanks.

AlmostGone83's picture

Nope I have no children of my own. He usually likes to compare her to my mother, who has never asked for a damn thing from us. EVER. 

“Oh but if she ever needed us to do x, y, z, I would NEVER make her feel like a burden the way you just made my poor daughter feel!”

GrabitAndGo's picture

I wonder if his tune would be different if your mother was a lazy. ungrateful slob living in his house.  Let's see how accomodating he is then.  

beebeel's picture

His hypotheticals are ridiculous and irrelevant. He doesn't see your mom as a burden because she ISN'T. Do not let him bully you into wasting your Saturday in a car with these assholes.

Cover1W's picture

Exactly!  Hypotheticals are not valid arguments because they DON'T EXIST.

You need to re-iterate your reality.  I don't let DH get away with hypotheticals any longer - well, he did get away with one recently and I was mad at myself for not countering it but I was so flummoxed by his whole stupid argument I couldn't make my brain respond.  So I simply said, "If you are pulling the 'dad card' then so be it - be the dad.  Go for it.  I don't have any input any longer."

skatermom's picture

There is nothing on earth that can compare with the burden of having to deal with Step-crap day in and day out, NOTHING

tog redux's picture

Oooh, I have an idea.  In a few days, announce to him that your mother is moving in because she's getting demented and unable to live on her own anymore. You just knew that he would be OK with it, because he's said so many times how he would never make her feel like a burden. So he should expect her at the dinner table next Tuesday. 

 

GrabitAndGo's picture

No way in hell would I go with them.  He wants to take her a$$ to the airport, he can do it alone.  Stay at home and enjoy your peace and quiet.

hereiam's picture

He doesn’t want to drive her there by himself. 

Tough. He shouldn't have agreed to drive her without discussing it with you and he shouldn't bully you into going if you don't want to.

Want2's picture

“Oh no he will insist...”

What does that mean even. Is he going to drag you to the car? My neighbor could come over and insist I give him my wallet. 

Unless you are at gunpoint you are choosing to comply.

Aniki's picture

Sweetie, what about what YOU want? Give yourself a mental kick in the pants and say that complete sentence: "NO".

If you lack the courage to say no, then get up early leave the house before they do.

Physics guy's picture

I'm a guy and would never treat my wife like that!  He sounds like a demanding d-bag.

futurobrillante99's picture

Quote from the wizard of Oz from Glinda to Dorothy, “You’ve always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.”

Learn to say NO. You have the power, now. No one can make you do what you don't want to do. I'm going to be harsh - you are choosing to be doormat. If you want things to change, change them. Will that mean he'll give you crap? Yes. But he ALREADY gives you crap, so what's some more crap?

Disneyfan's picture

Just because he insists, doesn't mean you have to comply.

Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with a parent driving his/ her kid to the airport.  But trying to force/guilt you into joining in is ridiculous.

elkclan's picture

Yeah totally - of course! But there's no reason you have to go. 

(on the other hand - my SO does take my mother to the airport - thank goodness. By the end of the visit I can't deal with her anymore...)

skatermom's picture

I have STOPPED doing things that I don't want to do PERIOD.  Life is too damn short to be dragged around to be "a family"  I told DH, I will do what I want, when I want

Winterglow's picture

Make sure you are not around for him to insist. Find somewhere to go and let him rive her aaaaaall the way to the airport by his big boy self.

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

Why did you have to apologize? Because you had an opinion regarding your free time?

Why can't your DH handle skids chauffeur needs?

This just might be my hill to die on if I were you...

"DH you will NEVER undermine my opinion in front of your daughter. I am number 1 in this home. Either get on board or jump ship" 

"DH. I understand skid needs a ride but I do not wish to join you as I have already alloted MY free time for something else. If you don't like it not my problem." 

"Skid. If you don't feel welcome here then maybe it's time you begin to look inwards as to participation and responsibility in that feeling. Do you help out? Do you treat me with respect? If the answer is no to that you have your answer."

Stop allowing these 2 people to push you around. 

 

Mrs Fireball's picture

I don't see what the big deal is about driving SD to the airport, unless it's causing a work conflict, etc. 

When I travelled frequently, I loved it when, on rare occassion, X would drive me to the airport and pick me up. It made me feel loved and that support is good. Maybe SD is anxious about flying? 

Your DH expecting you to tag along  with him is ridiculous, though. 

AlmostGone83's picture

No she’s not anxious, she flies all the time. The big deal is that since she wanted to go, her vacation was not supposed to infringe on our time off at all. She was going to arrange transportation and everything, leaving us out of it. Now we are being roped into driving 3 hrs on our weekends, which for someone who has nothing to even need a vacation from and has no responsibilities, I think is crazy. I guess I’m resentful because I work 6 days a week and support everything for her but her spending $ and I’m just really sick of it. (BM washed her hands of her)

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Disengage. Separate finances. Your DumbHusband is definitely financially using you. What a worthless excuse for a man.

hereiam's picture

Yeah, I wouldn't have a problem with him driving her to the airport, it's insisting that OP go along, when she clearly does not want to, that is the problem.

ETA: if she said she was going to arrange other transportation, she should be made to stick to that.

Stepped in what momma's picture

with me or from projects we planned to knock out together over the weekend. If we knew more than afew days ahead of time and had nothing going on (which would be very unusal) maybe it would be cool but not if it takes away from our plans. 

beebeel's picture

I don't know about you, but I like having more than a one day notice regarding plans for my time off. Princess waited until last minute to ask for a ride to the airport and Disney Daddy complied without bothering to discuss it with his wife, whom he expects to give up her one day off playing taxi. And you don't see anything wrong with this? 

elkclan's picture

Yeah, I agree - I'd be more upset about last minute upheaval than (and being forced to go, too!) than about a parent driving their kid to the airport. 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Make your point with these a-holes and then walk away. Don’t let DumbHusband wear you down.

I think it’s time to find that hill to die on. She is his priority even though she is an adult and not you. He is probably using you.

Sorry.

MurphysLaw's picture

I’m sorry for you.

 I remember that hopeless feeling, that “this is my crappy life” feeling.

He puts SDs wants & whims before your NEEDS.

This will never change, that little twat is never leaving …the only thing changing is you, you’re becoming a shell of a person! Please Almost, think about your life, your peace and happiness, don’t let them do this to you!

Take care of you!

Powerfamily's picture

Their atitude will never stop until you change how you react.  Your husband know if he argues with you for 15, 20 or 30 mins you will apologise just to shut him up.  You need to find away to have your voice heard with him berating you down so he can override what you want to do.

Can you get up and go out before they need to leave so you are not around to be bullied into going with him.

skatermom's picture

The only thing you can control in Step life, is your reaction to things.  You control your time.  You cannot control what your husband does.  If you don't want to go, by all means don't drive to the airport, I wouln't.

There is no way in hell I would ever appligize to a kid. That just puts the power in their court, not going to happen

 

Harry's picture

I just will hit Saturday morning,  you would love to go to airport, but you have a head ache and sick to your stomach.  You just need a dark place to get over said head ache.  And once it goes away,  ie right after they leave,  you have the day to your self.   An you are soooo sorryyyyyy. About it.  And you just hope it does not come back next Saturday day right before airport pick up. 

Willow2010's picture

This is one of the battles I would not have taken on.  And why would you have let HER know that you were annoyed?  Your DH is a grown man and HE told her he would take her.  She did not force him to do it.  Not her fault. 

 And I would also be mad at my spouse if he did what you did.  I am a grown woman and if I want to take my child to the airport, I will.  I have done it several times.  My mom also.  I dare him to have a mantrum just because I would take one of my family to the airport. 

Now fake sick on the day to take her to the airport and pick your battles next time.  This was not a hill to die on IMHO. 

notasm3's picture

Just shut up with your bitching. You are making a choice to do the things you are doing. Stop trying to blame it on others.  Nobody is holding a gun to your head. 

pickles45's picture

How far is the airport? And why not go with your husband and then go out for breakfast/lunch whatever after dropping her off Our airport is 45 minutes away so eating by it is like being in a whole new town with new restuarants to eat at that we don't normally get to. 

And my SO would definitly want me to go to keep him company and he would do the same for me if I was driving family there. Consider that a compliment. Besides she would be in the backseat and you two up front talking and if you are romantic holding hands some of the time. 

 

Siemprematahari's picture

She stated this is a 3 hour drive, so I'm assuming an hour and 1/2 both ways. His daughter sprung this on them last minute so who the heck would want to go for the drive with a Disney dad and an entitled princess.....

Time is too precious and I don't blame her for feeling annoyed by it.

MurphysLaw's picture

Right!

AND OP works 6 Feckin days a week! 

This Saturday & next will be interrupted because a feckin spoiled rotten lazy little useless pig can’t do shit for herself and OPs husband created this mess! The BM doesn’t even want anything to do with the little b!tch.

Cover1W's picture

There was one day when I left the house by myself for an appointment I had made weeks prior.  DH had several things he needed to do with SDs and should have been ready, but that didn't involve me.

I left that house with BOTH SDs in tears, YSD having a trantrum b/c she didn't want to get dressed and OSD yelling at DH because they were late, all of them in the main entryway of the house while I was leaving.  DH asked me to help or participate somehow.  The prior me would have.  The disengaged me said, "I have plans I made weeks ago. I am not cancelling them.  I will see you later."  And I LEFT. 

It's not your issue.  "No, I have plans already and will not cancel them for a last-minute change that I had no say in."  Then you are done discussing it.

tog redux's picture

Tell him no on you going on the airport drive. You can't control what he chooses to do, but he also can't control what YOU choose to do (unless you let him).

I can sort of see his point that you made SD feel bad by your comment about him taking her to the airport, but he shouldn't chastise you in front of her.

LONGTIME SM's picture

You will be unable to attend this wonderful event with him because your mother unfortunately is not feeling well and last minute needs your assistance.  You know -   she’s “conveniently”getting to that age of needing increasing assistance that will magically occur whenever little and/or big idiot demand your participation.   Plus given all of his prior manipulative statements he would have no choice but to be understanding about how you have to help your mom after all he has expressed repeatedly that he would be willing to help as well. ....  

Bet his tune or manipulation tactics change fast !  Don’t go.