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Advice for anyone considering becoming a stepparent...

AlmostGone83's picture

Don't.

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grannyd's picture

If you must cohabit, do not move into your partner's home. Insist upon choosing a new place, together. Never ever make yourself financially vulnerable in a relationship.

caninelover's picture

Make sure you have an exit plan if things get really bad....

thinkthrice's picture

Is LI planning on moving back in?

AlmostGone83's picture

No lol I would lose it if she did. But her car "isn't working" and is "unfixable" and she "didn't want to ask buuut..." was hitting us up for $ to help her so she "didn't have a big car payment". Cant have that you know, it would cut into her spending on clothes, shoes and makeup. She can't be bothered with grownup things like a big car payment... or rent.... or utilities...

AlmostGone83's picture

He said he would give her the $ equivalent of what he was going to spend on her bday present. 

advice.only2's picture

I'm so curious what that amount is...I have a feeling it's way more than what normal people get for a birthday gift.

hereiam's picture

True, I was assuming it would be a "normal" amount but normal goes out the window with some of the men.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Being a step parent is one of the absolute worst chapter in my life.

There never is peace. Even when they dont live with you, they are there in mind. They can cause shit from afar. You are always left wondering when the next catastrophe is gonna hit. Its like you live in a constant hurricane warning. Its dang shitty.

I would rather sit on nails than ever have a mini wife in my life again. Or worse a coward pathetic love sick DH for his disgusting POS DD. May those two rot in hell. May BM live the shit while watching her DH and spoiled B in their sickness. I actually feel sorry for BM on two frontsOne, being with them. Second, the local donut shop just closed LOL. Poor lady how will she cope now. 

I Need A Bubble Bath's picture

If I had it to do over again I would run! 

Evil4's picture

Don't fucking do it!!!!

It's hell on earth. It's been 25 years of constant death by a thousands cuts. My SD31, the mini-wife, hasn't lived with us for years, but she's made up for not being in DH's home and has ramped up the constant contact. I hate her so much, I can't stand it. My SD is a full-blown narc and I seem to be all alone in seeing it. I get no validation whatsoever that SD has negatively impacted my marriage and that DH has enabled it.

DH and I are in marital counselling because he wanted to save our marriage, but I'm really not feeling it. I constantly picture my future as a cat lady in my own house. I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than to have the mini-wife remain in my life and marriage. I'm done. 25 years gone down the drain all because my H refuses to acknowledge that his DD is a loathesome sack of shit. Counsellor says that my H isn't capable of giving me that validation but I just can't get over it and I can't let go of that need. By the time I leave it'll be 27 years and I just shake my head over the fact that my H is about to throw a 27-year marriage in the garbage all because he refuses to acknowledge to me, even just a little bit, that his daughter has issues. I can't bloody stand it. I feel like I'm jumping out of my skin every day.

I have actually told DD21 (she's H's and my bio together) to never get involved with a man with brats, especially if there's a fucking girl. I even said that there's something about girls that dads just do not see how bloody evil they can get and they are the ones who can destroy the relationships and my H just sat there all fucking dumb and blind. He goes blank when he can't handle hearing something or when he doesn't know what to say. I'm starved for some validation/acknowledgement and I'll never get it. All I continue to get is daily death by a thousand cuts. 

tog redux's picture

I'd say to make sure the bio parent is a good parent, not afraid to set limits, has strong boundaries with his kids and isn't afraid of BM. Also, that BM is not high conflict.  Then it might be doable. 

halo1998's picture

Don't get married and just date forever.  ALWAYS ALWAYS BE ABLE TO SUPPORT YOURSELF and any kids you might have.  

Ispofacto's picture

So much this.

I can't even respond to folks who come on here and say they are SAHM with zero earning potential to 2 new children under the age of 5 and are expecting again.  Like, what are you, a breeding machine?

 

tog redux's picture

Ugh, yes. And they've been dating for less than a year and are already pregnant.  Use birth control people.

halo1998's picture

and always think..I got shoes that are older than your relationship.  I stress being able to support yourself and any kids to my own kids....constantly.  Never ever take for granted your independance....it might be the only thing you've got.

caninelover's picture

I can't understand what some of these women think.  I get that early in a relationship is still the honeymoon period, and its cheaper and more convenient to live together.  But that doesn't mean you shouldn't work and have your own finances in the event things break down.  I couldn't imagine being that dependent on anyone.