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Ex wife trouble

Alicetwo's picture

my husbands ex wife is trying to be over friendly. We haven’t had anything to do with her for years and recently we are in her company for family occasions. We are happy to be civil as understand that it’s important when attending celebrations with adult step kids and grandchildren, however she is being too familiar with us. My husband absolutely detests her due to troubles and lies she has told in the past. She is very manipulating. She had affair and left him and has never admitted it to hers and his family. I also am very distrustful of her as she caused me so much trouble with step kids in the past. However my husband and I have put all this to one side and have been in her company on three family occasions now. We make sure we are very mannerly to her and are happy with that but the last time we were in her company she made a beeline for us and went to kiss me, saying ‘I’m glad you both have let bygones be bygones and let all the silliness go’,  I was so angry as felt this was patronising and assumptive to say the least. I felt put on the spot and uncomfortable and want her to keep a respectful distance in future. If she was to do that to my husband he would react negatively and we really don’t want that to happen. If she approaches like that again I want to be able to say something gracefully but let her know to stop


Just J's picture

My husband's ex is the same way! DH and I just feel SUPER uncomfortable and awkward around her now but she thinks we should all just let the past go and get along now that the kids are grown and child support is over. Please. It's so easy for the person who made your life hell to just say forget the past cuz they're not the ones who had to endure that torture. The last time we saw her was at my SD's college graduation a few years ago and luckily it was only for a quick second as we were leaving and I had to rush after my son before he got lost in the crowd so I only said a quick hi to her. But DH got stuck in a conversation with her for a minute and he said he just felt so anxious and uncomfortable. Luckily there are no weddings or grandkids on the horizon yet cuz  I am DREADING that stuff and having to see BM again. My plan is to say a polite hello and find a reason to walk away. I don't want to get stuck in small talk with her ever. 

hereiam's picture

Let all the silliness go? So, an affair is just silliness to her?

If she approaches you again, I would just tell her that you are there for so-and-so but would like her to keep her distance, you are not friends.

I know what my husband would do in this situation and that is to not ever be in her company. BM does not bother me but my husband has PTSD when he is around her. I know a lot of people are not willing to forego certain events but when somebody is that toxic....

We have not been in BM's company since 2009.

blessedwithstress's picture

Your situation is very familiar. My DHs ex has always been a lying, two-faced manipulator. A couple of years into our marriage she suddenly started being friendly with me - asking to be FB friends, inviting me to "girls nights" at her house, even asking to double date with us - even though her husband is the guy she CHEATED on my DH with. (We did not double date, for the record) This didn't all happen overnight but it has gradually escalated. We even got pictures taken with her last year so that the skids could have a picture with their "whole family". (It did work out well for us, though. We ended up getting a few pics taken on the side without her and didn't have to pay the full session fee. WIN!) It's sick, I know. Like a fool I played along in the hopes of reducing hostility and making things easier for DH and the skids. It has only made things harder for me. I seriously dislike her and being nice to her makes me feel just as two-faced as she is. Some good things have come of this facade but if I could go back and do things differently, I would much rather have kept her at a distance from the beginning.