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Separation anxiety...honest opinions here

AlexandraL's picture

deleted post because I wanted to delete it. Thanks for understanding.


LaMareOssa's picture

Yes and Yes. That schedule is insane! IMHO, that schedule is just stupid. Seems more stressful than helpful. Maybe your DH needs to go to court and have it modified. Seems aweful.

As for the anxiety..Yes. It's normal. Some children have it, others don't. It all depends on the childs personality and their coping ability. Like the above poster said, her stress might be coming from this aweful parenting schedule she has to go through each day. That's enough to stress out an adult Wink I had this issue when I was a child. It lasted until I was 10 or 11..give or take a year.

AlexandraL's picture

Well, I am glad I am not the only one who thinks this arrangement is crazy. I recently asked him if this was the arrangement that was best for his daughter or whether this was the arrangement that was best for him and BM. I have always had physical custody of my kids and cannot imagine being in his shoes but I do sort of think it is selfish of them to put their daughter through this. My ex loves the kids but was willing to do EOWE so our kids could have a normal life. On my side, I've been working and caring for the kids almost the entire month and it wasn't easy when they were little (they're teens now). However, we BOTH made sacrifices so the kids could have security. I just wonder if these two are thinking more of themselves than their daughter.

RaeRae's picture

The schedule IS crazy. There is also a HUGE problem there. When BM goes back for increased child support, or full custody, she is going to be able to say the dad isn't fulfilling his 50/50 anyway, because the child isn't with him 50% of the time. Getting her for 3 hours and dropping her off at bedtime is technically a day counted for BM, and the issue will come up in court.

You guys need a better schedule. Because trust me, you will most likely end up in court, and he will be made out to seem like an uninvolved father. He will lose custody.

And the poor girl is confused and lost... Sad

Persephone's picture

Crazy crazy... Like others mentioned the kids need decompression time.. transition time. After school/work and before dinner is crazy in any house.

We had a Wed to Wed then a Tues to Tues. WHY?? We switched to a Friday to Friday...

Siferra's picture

I can empathize with the crazy schedule. Right now we have SS5 every weekday evening from 4-8:30, and drop him back off at bedtime. We also have him EOWE. Right now he's fine with the schedule, but I must admit I'm looking forward to him saying he doesn't want to do this every night.

overit2's picture

Oh my gosh, crazy...yep this sounds like it's to benefit the parents to feel they have equal time while screwing the kid up.

I think it's unfair to the kids. My bf's bm does this...though he officially has EOW...and their visitation schedule is vague on paper...she thinks she has the right to dictate visitation.

In other words, she's turned it into almost a 50/50...whichever day SHE chooses, the girl never knows where she is going, the dad never knows when she's coming...BM holds the strings. Flips her around from dads to 3 sets of grandparents to uncles/aunts, school friends houses overnights, addition to 5-6 schools and she's in elementary, oh yeah and has moved out of state and w/in state about the same amount of times or more also.

I would suggest to your bf to change that schedule to something a lot more stable...yes he may be sacrificing time but doing what is right and providing more stability for the child is more important here IMO.

DaizyDuke's picture

This is nuts... kids need to feel like SOMEPLACE is HOME.. this poor girl can't know whether she is coming or going! Can you imagine if you had to live your life in a schedule like this? I know even when we go on vacation and visit friends that we love dearly, have a great time with, etc... it's always nice to be "home" this girl doesn't have that.. she is living in perpetual visitor status.

It's no wonder she has anxiety. BM and Dad need to fix this pronto before they do any more damage!

AlexandraL's picture

No, I can't imagine going back and forth between two homes. Dad is working toward an EOWE with a weeknight dinner schedule soon, but he and BM haven't discussed that yet. This poor girl has had this routine since she was like 3.