You are here

BM trying on different personas

AJanie's picture

I'm going to have to see BM at a ceremony at skids school next week and I am nauseous per usual, but also curious as to her current persona.

When DH and I first started dating, BM was dating a musician, so she was going to rock concerts, quoting bands, wearing a short, edgy haircut with purple highlights, leather jackets, etc. They bought a house together, then suddenly someone else showed her attention and she promptly moved out.

New guy is a sports and outdoor activity fanatic. Now BM wears fedoras, has sports team bumper stickers on her vehicle, thinks she is the coach at all of SS's games (literally gallops up and down the sideline, shouting instructions to the team)... and kayaks.

She found out I was taking SD to church... DH and SS haven't been going. It is truly my weekly sanctuary.

Anyway, upon information and belief, she is now declaring herself to be spiritual, sage cleanses and posting old Native American mantras... things of that nature.

Not to make a bold claim about a woman I don't know too well, but I feel she has no idea who she is and that is a large part of why she cannot effectively communicate. I definitely had phases where I tried on different personas, but by my early 20's I started to develop a sense of self.

Anyone else see this type of behavior?


Ninji's picture

LOL, this sounds exactly like my skids BM.

The guy she was with when I first met DH was a Rock N Roll, Country Guy. So, that's what BM became.

She dated a few young guys. She started dressing and talking like she's in her 20's.

Last guy was a "Red Neck" Country guy. She started camping and carrying a pink camo purse and wearing coyboy boots.

When I first met DH, he did introduce me to a lot of new things. But I'm still me. DH is actually the one that has changed to be more like me. LOL (He didn't own one collared shirt when I met him)

AJanie's picture

I also think DH changed to be more like me.

BM also got a dog right after we got a second dog. When we moved in a bigger place, 3 months later she moved to a bigger place. It can't always be a coincidence.

StepUltimate's picture

More Spiritual Than Thou & Copycat BM, check!

Thare's gotta be a BM playbook, or they all went to the same seminar ... !

moving_on_again's picture

Camping can be redneck but not always.

I totally forgot about the one guy that BM dated that was a "cowboy." She bought herself and all the skids cowboy boots. He only lasted a couple months and we never saw the boots again. Come to think of it, I never saw them around cows or horses during that time either.

Ninji's picture

They used to go to a camp site and run trucks through mud and stuff. I don't know exactly what it's called, but they camped there, so I just called it camping.

secret's picture

lol... I'm wearing camo jeggings right now... with a dark green 3/4 sleeve dark green shirt... with tan open toed 6 inch wicker-like stiletto/chunk heels and wooden bead jewelry...

moving_on_again's picture

Yep. BM was Sunday school mom with SO because his whole family is deeply religious (except him which I am pretty sure SO's dad blames on me. Oh well :/).

Second husband she was work out queen. She really lost like 100 lbs. and was a P90X fanatic.

Now she is "farm wife" with third husband. Gained back the 100 lbs. Now she just wears track pants and t-shirts. Although she did wear a horrible unflattering dress to MSD's graduation.

SO swears she was on meth when she lost that weight. I wasn't around then so I don't really know but I can't see her doing drugs.

moving_on_again's picture

As you can tell I am having a slow day at work.....

Work out days or meth.

Husband #3 started gaining.

This is the outfit she wore to OSD's graduation where she berated stepdaughter to the point of tears for wearing a romper.

moving_on_again's picture

The first pic is when SO and I started dating. She looked awful. She's only about 32 in that pic. She prides herself on being tan but now she just looks like leather.

moving_on_again's picture

I personally think BM looks better with some weight on her. Plus, now every photo I see is so photoshopped you can't see the wrinkles. She looks significantly older than she is.

Ninji's picture

That last one looks like she's wearing sweat pants and a sweat shirt. I bet the romper was cute.

moving_on_again's picture

It was. I saw the stepdaughter. BM was probably jealous because she looks like crap so she just wears all black 90% of the time. She literally wore that outfit three days in a row (there were 3 skid events in a row). I laughed out loud on the third day.

moving_on_again's picture

No. Her parents are still married. She has definite daddy issues. When I was Facebook friends with her (years ago) she was constantly posting about how she is daddy's favorite. She has three siblings. I would honestly say she is daddy's least favorite as he's had to bail her out of jail and buy her multiple cars well into her 30s because she refuses to work. Two of her siblings have good jobs and the third is retired military.

princessmofo's picture

She sounds like Julia Roberts character in 'Runaway Bride'. With each new fiancé she morphs into whatever persona they are drawn to. Wink

Pharlap's picture

Dang do our skids have the same BM? Lol. BM here turned into a country chick that loves hunting, fishing and swimming around in creeks when she met her new BF. DH finds it amusing apparently when they were together he had a hard time getting her ass off the couch to do anything. She would just watch trash reality TV all day and stuff her face. She's just fishing for that ring, once she gets that, she'll revert back to those habits.

She's also trying to be me I think. When she found out I was involved in a pretty unique hobby/sport posts showed up on her Facebook of her attempting it. That was comical actually.

moving_on_again's picture

The skids actually said something about me trying to be something better (and that's a bad thing!?) because I always wore dresses. Well, I have job that requires me to not look like a freaking slob every day unlike their mother who tries with every bit of her being to be unemployed. After a couple years of this, she started wearing dresses on occasion. I was like wtf. But we all know that to skids, BMs are untouchable, everything we do is wrong.

moving_on_again's picture


AJanie's picture

lol skids don't understand the concept of having weekends off because BM is waitstaff.

Acratopotes's picture

I do not know BM that well.... might have seen her twice in my life...

but she's way to much of a bitch to pretend she's anything else... in her life, it's only her, the Queen of fucked up

moving_on_again's picture


I haven't seen BM in a week but I have a feeling SS will have a game soon and I will be graced by her trashy appearance.

moving_on_again's picture

I didn't know that was part of Borderline Personality! I would bet both arms BM has it. She fits all but one criteria on the checklist, and she might fit that one, too, but I can't read her mind.

StepUltimate's picture

Yes. Plus a serious dose of Narcissism, in the case of the BM of my SS17. She's textbook, just not physically unattractive due to her couched, unemployed, parasitically living off of her latest victim I mean fiance lifestyle. Personality & character make her ugly, but she's definitely someone who could look much nicer if she wasn't too lazy for even the basics. If the same body was inhabited by a kind, loving BM instead of a total energy vampire, I suspect she could even be adorable. I've seen her in public when she didn't see me a few times, and she has total RBF as her "normal" face. Unhappy, never will be.

Good thing CS comes out if the unemployment $$!

hereiam's picture

BM is on her 6th marriage. If a husband was into poker, so was she. If a husband was into NASCAR, so was she. One husband was a trucker, so was she. Current husband has a motorcycle, so now she's a motorcycle lover.

I mean, it's great to try new interests but none of them stick and they aren't anything she would do on her own or that she kept doing after she split with these men.

moving_on_again's picture

That's normal for teens, though.

Ya, I am pretty much the same as I was long before I started dating SO. Which he would know because we've known each other since we were in middle school. Except I probably dress nicer more often but that's because of my career. When I started dating SO, I was required to wear work t-shirts so I just wore jeans or yoga pants every day. Now I have to dress business casual and sometimes professional.

moving_on_again's picture

I really need to get into physical fitness. I am just scared of being weak when I am older. SO has a really physically demanding job so he doesn't want to do more when he gets home. You have been inspirational to me about physical fitness. Congrats on the triathlon!

moving_on_again's picture

Absolutely nothing but I got get started first, haha. I think about it daily. Especially at 36 and not even to walk up stairs without huffing and puffing. And you have to walk up stairs to even get in our house.

SM12's picture

Our BM went from a normal average sized woman to a vein popping, skinny work our fanatic from the moment DH started dating to about a year after. She lost at least 50 lbs and likes to post daily pictures of her in her sweaty workout clothes talking about what new workout program she just finished. :sick:
I saw pictures of her when DH was married to her and she was fit and had a nice girly figure. Not overweight and not skinny.

Now she has ZERO butt and looks like a man. Her SO looks like a Oompa Loompa from the Wizard of ozz, Like EXACTLY like one without being a LP.

The one things that cracks DH and I up constantly is the fact that BM and her SO have to match clothing whenever they are out together.

I seriously have no desire to match clothing with DH....Ummmm just NO!

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I have never understood couples that want to dress alike. Our BM and her DH usually wear matching clothes, but then all they ever wear is black so that might be why.

CLove's picture

BM likes pink, and talks baby talk, and sleeps with a baby blanket from when SHE was a baby. And drinks box wine out of a sippy cup. She likes to fish (when someone else baits the hook for her) That's about all I know. She was married to SO for 6 years, they were together about 20.

SO is the social butterfly, and has a TON of friends, and a large family. He enjoys going out and dancing and playing, and live music. I am the same way. BM doesn't have ANY social life (except the young guy she is messing around with at work, behind her boyfriends back that everyone except boyfriend knows about, because she likes to brag about it.) and her and Tweedle NEVER go out.

I think she would take on the persona/lifestyle of anyone she is dating, because she doesn't really have anything for herself.

moving_on_again's picture

BM likes pink, and talks baby talk, and sleeps with a baby blanket from when SHE was a baby. And drinks box wine out of a sippy cup.

What the!?

hereiam's picture

That's what I was wondering. There is a name for it and it is a thing but I can't remember what it's called. It's some type of fetish.

CLove's picture

There is a fetish about being someones "Little", as in "Little Girl" and sometimes they wear diapers, and have "pacis", or pacifyers, that they suck on. Its a thing a read about. You can get more from this site: (warning NSFW)

But no - BM stops at the baybee talk and binky, I think. Her fetish is 3 somes. She doesn't really have any strong personality "personas", shes sort of a real "nothing". Seeing as how I cannot stand her anyway, objectively I think that I would never even hang with her as a friend even if we didn't have SO/Skids in the picture.

Aniki's picture

What.The.HE!!. Drinks wine out of a sippy cup??? I could see that if she was a drunk and didn't want to spill her drink, but sdd the baby blanket and baby talk?? :sick: :sick: :sick:

hereiam's picture

Well, if she were a pro at drinking, she wouldn't need a sippy cup in order not to spill her drink. That is just skill. Wink

Aniki's picture

It certainly is!!! My psycho ex once slid down a 20 foot hill with a full mug of beer. Didn't spill a drop.

loveandfitness's picture

That is so sad!! Reminds me of the scene from run away bride where she tries all the egg plates to figure out which one she actually like because she always ate what her current beaux ate.

notsobad's picture

Growing up I had a friend like that.
She'd start drinking whatever type of beer her new guy drank. She'd switch cigarette brands to his. If he was country music fan, suddenly so was she. Punk rock? Bring on the safety pin in her ear.

I remember making fun of her for it and pointing it out to our other friends. Looking back now, she was just trying to find out where she fit. Sadly, she never did figure it out and got in with a very bad bunch.
She eventually made it out, but very scarred and not the same person.

I have no idea if she still tries on different personalities but I do know she can't be without a man. No matter how horribly he treats her, she places all her worth on having him.

JadeMom's picture

I wouldn't know if BM changes personas, because over the past 7 years she's dated the same type of guy three (four?) times in a row.

Like, same job (the last two worked together), interested in the same things, same age, same income (give or take...again, all the same job),
looked similar... It's kind of creepy.
** That being said, I want to note that my DH is NOT AT ALL like this series of boyfriends.

The first guy she dated after DH didn't last long, maybe 6 months. The subsequent three lasted 2ish years, give or take. AKA "the honeymoon period." It's like clockwork with that woman. She just broke up with the latest boyfriend. She doesn't usually stay single long, so we'll see if the next guy is a clone of the last 4. Then it'll last another 2ish years. Rinse and repeat.

She seems to be into the ATM boyfriend. I guess that gets old after 2ish years.

I sometimes wonder what the boyfriends think of her still living with her parents. When does that become "weird"? When BM is 40? 45? 50?

All exes have called BM "psychotic" or something similar. Can't argue there.

I guess I should be happy that she doesn't change guys every month like some of the BMs here do. But the last two breakups were hard on SD8. I wonder if BM will ever get married. If she does, I hope it's to some guy who can help keep her crazy in check.