OT - Uncle's Memorial Service felt like a Step Situation
Sadly my Uncle passed in March and we waited to do his memorial on his birthday. Backstory is my Uncle never had children of his own and treated me and my sibling as his kids. He was married three times and his first wife was also very much a part of my daily life and I still consider her my Aunt. He was also a large part of my children's life.
5 years ago he met his third wife and started doing more stuff with her family and when he reitred he married her and moved to her state. In that time we saw alot less of him and communication dwindled down to a minimum. I have met his widow a handful of times and she seems very nice, but it's hard to consider her my Aunt, when she really hasn't been in my life all that much.
So we went over for the memorial and she had three trunks full of my Uncle's stuff and told us we could go through and take whatever we wanted. It was mostly photos and stuff he had saved from when he was a kid, but some of it was nostalgic for me so I took those items. The whole time we were going through the stuff she kept commenting "Oh I never knew he did that." or "Oh if I would have known all these photos were in here I could have used those for the photo collages I had made for the memorial, all I had was photos of us with my family." or "Oh I don't know what those coins are for, you can take them." I won't lie it sort of hurt knowing she had such a short amount of time with him, but also seeing how little his stuff meant to her because she didn't have that lifetime to build with him.
So at the memorial she had his urn set on a table and in my opinion a horrible picture blown up of him next to it. It was a photo from when he was withered down to almost nothing and he's wincing in what I guess you could call a "smile". I mean heck that was the best photo she could find of him?? Out of a trunk full of photos!! I know I'm trying not to sound like a horrid step kid right now, but it was just kind of like really? Her whole family showed up and our family all showed up, and it was weird becaue we have met her sister a few times, but had never met the rest of them. The one sister kept talking about doing shots of Fireball after the memorial because that was my Uncle's most favorite shot....um no it wasn't but okay. Then she kept calling him this ridiculous nickname and asking us if we called him that, we were all no, we just called him this or that. So it was weird.
They played taps and presented his widow with the American flag and then we all just sort of stood there waiting. She finally stood up after about 5 awkward minutes and said "umm I didn't plan anything else, so we are just going to walk over to where he will be intered." Okay so we all walk over and they placed his urn in the wall and just sort of stood there and finally her son says "let's all sing a song for Granpa (my Uncle's name)." Which again felt wrong, so everybody stood there looking at each other like ummm what song? So he starts singing happy birthday and we all sort of join in and then we all just sort of stood there again with nobody saying anything and finally me and DH said our good bye's since we had to get on the road. So that was it. My uncle's life dwindled down to a few moments with nothing said about him or anything. As we were driving home I told my DH, it was so hard doing that, knowing it's her right to do whatever she wants because she was his spouse, and that was the best she could do for a man that I have known and loved my whole life!! It really was a slap in the face in my opinion.