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OT - She got me with the 1-2 punch!

advice.only2's picture

So last Sunday was the national grovel at the feet of the woman who birthed you pandemic and much as I abhor that Pagan Hallmark holiday I must engage to appease my own mother who can never be appeased.

I bought her a card, flowers, baked her fresh bread, wine, and a gift card. I wished her a Happy Mother's day and spent a few hours in her presence. I was forewarned by my brother that she was in a snit (they were arguing over text) so I chose my words cautiously and avoided any and all conflict with her that day. She appeared sated at my offerings and I though maybe this year I would emerge unscathed!

WRONG! I dropped in on parental units this weekend to drop off a get well card for my father who just had surgery and even brought ice cream for them as a treat. My mother waits a few moments while I speak with my father then drags me into the kitchen and shoves the dish towel I wrapped the bread in into my hands:
Mom: "Smell that!"
I gingerly sniff the towel...nothing. I look at her confused and shrug my shoulders knowing any words at this time will be pounced on and dissected to be used against me later on in this conversation.
Mom: "Well don't you smell it? It smells of your laundry detergent and it seeped into the bread and the bread tasted like soap. It was awful, I had to dig to even find a small tiny portion I could eat."
Me; "Oh I'm sorry, next time I will just bring it over in my bare hands."
Mom:"And the flowers your brought me were covered in bugs, I had to put them outside, because they were crawling all over my table."
Me: "Oh sorry for that, umm well at least you can replant them and enjoy them out there from in here where nature can't get you."

WE left shortly after that, but as I told DH she waited for this one, usually I get bombarded on Mother's Day, all I can figure is the wine slowed her down some. So good to know for next year, bring her a jug of wine, and nothing else!


justmakingthebest's picture

I can't even... 

I wouldn't be the rude to a stranger let alone my own child!! 

Whatever happened to just saying thank you?? Jeebus. 

Gimlet's picture

What an ungrateful cow.  I'm sorry, advice, I know what it feels like when complete strangers treat you better than your own family.  I hope you have some distance from her in your everyday life.  

I think your gifts were lovely and thoughtful and I would have been thrilled with them.  

Maybe next year you can send her flowers and a gift card to be delivered and take your personal effort out of the equation, that is if you feel like doing anything at all.


Aniki's picture

Apologies in advance, but how twatty! I'm surprised she didn't complain about the year the wine was bottled. Sheesh!

ICanMakeIt's picture

Your mom was awful to you and I'm so sorry for that. 

Harry & David delivery next year and you take the day for a pedicure.

thinkthrice's picture

she gets a charity donation to the Human Fund in her name.

Thumper's picture

I am sorry. Her behavior is not kind..

Was she always like that?

Is she like that with everyone?


advice.only2's picture

Yes, it's taken me a very long time to see my mother is verbally and emotionally abusive. Last year at a party she said some things that were completely unforgivable to me and I have pretty much pulled back from her since that. The mother's day lashing is nothing new, just usually I get it on mother's day.

Iamwoman's picture

My MIL and SIL did similar to me once. I sent them each a pound of Sees (expensive and wonderful chocolates) for Christmas, and not only do they complain to me there were ants in their chocolates and demand a replacement pound (so embarrassing to call See's about this), but they also insinuate that I purposely gave them chocolates with ants. Bunch of trashy hoes.

You did so much and were sooo thoughtful advice2.

You deserve and huge thanks and big hug, and an "I love you advice2... you are an amazing daughter, beautiful inside and out, and I am so proud of you and your accomplishments, and happy to be your mother."

thinkthrice's picture

they get chocolate covered ants

OKtoStep's picture

Even after all the insane abuse from my ex MIL, the straw that broke the camel's back was the last birthday of hers that I put any effort into. I booked her favorite restaurant, bribed the steps to show up, made sure everyone had a gift to sacrifice to her. She responded by mocking my failed attempt at a second college degree (because her son was busy spending my tuition money on kayaking hunting trips and new guns) and complaining bitterly and ceaselessly  in German that my wrapping skills wouldn't pass muster in a wealthy household.


edit: can I have some fresh baked bread too? That's the best gift.  

ITB2012's picture

Next year mail a card or do nothing. You're going to get shit on any way you do it, so don't go to the effort!

Cooooookies's picture

Next year, and every year after, she can complain about getting sweet F all.

I'm sorry OP, my mother is not one you'd choose out of a catalogue either.  It just plain sucks.

Mommajay's picture

I am so sorry. That is abusive. I would save yourself the trouble from now on.