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When to tell SS10 about pregnancy????

2inluv2run's picture

Hey ladies, was wondering if you guys had any advice on when to tell SS10 that Im pregnant. DH wants to tell him when we have him next over Labor Day weekend but at that point I will only be about 8 weeks along and am hesitant to tell him in case anything were to happen. This is my first and Im a little scared of having a miscarriage or something going wrong. If we dont tell him then though we wont see him until the end of October and DH doesnt want to wait that long since I should be showing then. He wants to tell him in person and not over the phone or webcam. SS10 lives 600 miles away now so we dont get to see him very often and the relationship is strained to say the least. SS10 is also an only child and IM afraid of how he's going to react to the news. I guess my question is, is 8 weeks pregnant too early to tell a child that he's going to have a brother or sister?


DaizyDuke's picture

I agree you should tell him when you have the face to face opportunity and let him know that he was the first (or one of the first) to know. I think at this time it's important to make HIM feel important in this whole new life, not like he was the last to know or left behind in some way.

I was worried about how our SS11 would react when we told him and SD 12 about baby, I really thought he would be jealous and not happy, but he surprised us and was excited, and said he always wanted to be a "big brother". We did wait until I was about 17 weeks (after amnio results came back) before we told anyone but I wasn't showing and we had the luxury of seeing the Skids on a regular basis. I just had some ridiculous notion that if we told people too soon that it would be a jinx and something terrible would happen, but I think alot of women go through that.

Again, I would tell him now, make him feel important in this whole thing and give his as much time as possible to prepare himself.

Congrats on the new baby!!

DaizyDuke's picture

p.s. I also just read the other day, that experts say this is one of those things that your hubby needs to tell BM (this info should not come from your SS to her) My hubby did tell BM and much to my surprise, she was fine with it, actually said she was happy for us etc. (She must have OD'd on her BiPolar meds that day) :O

2inluv2run's picture

Hmmm, I agree that is probably the best thing. I dont know how possible it is in our situation. We've been in court for over 2 years so needless to say DH and BM have a pretty hostile relationship. She did win and get to move the child away so maybe she will be a little more tolerable now. Maybe I will try and get DH to at least give her a call after we tell SS10 and forwarn her on how it went and how he reacted. Thanks for the advice! And hopefully BM will pleasantly surprise me too Smile

2inluv2run's picture

Thanks! I havent told anyone else yet either. I do get to go for my first drs appt right before we see him so maybe I will feel better about things being ok after that.

MrsL920's picture

My SS was 10 when DH and I got pregnant. We decided to wait until I was in 2nd trimester to tell him. It still gave him plenty of time to get used to the idea. ALso we told him and decided not to tell BM...but as in many cases telling BM first was not an option because she is a total quack and would definately tell SS before we got a chance to. My advice is to wait... but it worked so well in my situation.. my opinion is biased by experience. Best luck Smile and congrats on your little one.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

I say if you want to wait til October that would be fine too. That is unless you think he'll find out before from someone else. I understand wanting to wait longer. If you're worried about showing in October....well honestly ss might not even notice at first until you point it out. Also, you might not be showing then either. Everyone is different but I never started really showing til the 5th month. So just saying that whenever you feel comfortable telling then that is when you tell- sept or oct.