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Torn between.............

2burdens's picture

Hello various step parents. I'm new here, just need to vent,maybe get some opinions and positive feed back. It all started nearly 10 years ago. I met my then boyfriend,who is now my husband. We met during a very fresh separation from his first wife. He gained custody of his two small children( girl who was 8 and boy who was 5). Mean while,I was a single mother of two girls,ages 15 and 18. I enjoyed this man like no tomorrow!!! He was so loving,kind and caring. He was so excepting of my children. All of a sudden,3 weeks after we met, I found myself raising 5 children instead of 2. WTF???? Where had my peaceful life gone? I was doing so much for this man and his kids,I started not being there for mine;thinking,their teenagers, they don't need me as much. I felt so bad for his kids being taken away from their mom at such a young age. My heart went out to this family who was suffering. As time goes by, I become pregnant. Approx 2 months after dating,go figure. Things were nice,I was happy,I thought God blessed me with this wonderful man and his wonderful children. MY FAMILY WAS COMPLETE. As time goes on even further,I'm learning that these children are kinda devious and sneaky. They decide to tell their mom everything going on in our home,of course only the bad things!!! The "MOTHER", then begins the mind poisoning. She tells the daughter that her father has commited adultrary because they weren't divoreced yet and he was living in sin. She told the daughter that she shouldn't kiss her father on the lips anymore because he was kissing me and she didn't know what diseases I had. The daughter who is now 17 ,still does not kiss her father AT ALL!!! Both kids were told not to allow me to hug them. The daughter was told to go through dads mail and read it to her mom. The mom had the neighbor spying on us and relaying information on things she could see happening. The mother has told countless lies to friends and family about my husband and I. She has had both of us arrested before. Just to shorten the story, these days, my step kids are very defiant, they mistreat my son ,who is their brother. They will purposely hurt him when they are mad at me. They are very spiteful!!!!!!!!!!! They will tell blaten lies about me to my husband. My step son has pushed and shoved me. He has threatened to hurt my little 8 year old son. I keep saying to myself, they will grow up and move out soon,then things will be ok. I'm sure your saying, what has my husband done about all this crap,NOTHING. he's in denial that his children are so cunning and evil. I feel on the brink of either a heart attack some days or a nervous breakdown. I just recently in the past 3 years starting taking anxiety and anti depression meds. I know my health and sons safety are not worth all this,but is it fair to my son to lose his family?????????? WHAT TO DO???????

Comments

oneoffour's picture

So 3 weeks after you MET you moved in and took on his children? Honey they are not yours. They are his and his exs.

And factually BM is right. He wasn't divorced and living with another woman and was committing adultery. OK so she upped the ante and waged a war on you. And I suspect it is because she thought this separation wouldn't be forever and once she proved her point DH would come back and tra la la happily ever after.

DH will not protect his son with you. Sad but true. He allows his grown man-child son to abuse you. HE doesn't draw any lines about their behaviour nor does he support you. And frankly your son is their half brother who they know is the perfect weapon to hurt you and they do not have a sibling attachment to him. Because if they do, BM will hate them and they know it. So it is easier to use him as a weapon.

So after writing all of that out, how do you feel? Do you want to stay with the real man your DH is or do you want to be a good role model for your son?
And they will NOT grow up because they do not have ANY of the talents that people need to get along with others. They will be an albatross around your life forever.

Leave. Now. Make an exit plan and leave. Cut your losses and go.

2burdens's picture

Thx oneoffour for the openess of your thoughts. I do agree with everything you said. I'm trying to get together an exit plan. Of course money is the root to my needs. I'm in the process of soon owning a little cleaning business that will help me stay stable once I leave. It all takes time though. So one day at a time. I keep my little one away from the two demons as much as I can. I never really thought about the bond that they don't feel for him. Sometimes my son cries to me asking why are they so mean to him . It hurts because he loves them so much.

elvr's picture

So how is this working out for you? Your son is 8 now, which means he has been subject to God knows what, because you made a bad decision for yourself, and your children. Is the question should your leave a relationship that has been holding on by the string of bad choices you made? If they are genuinely hurting your son, you are absolutely wrong for allowing that.But you also neglected your own children,in the meantime, amongst other things. Is this a real story?

2burdens's picture

I'm getting a break from the hell cats for 2 weeks while they go on a lovely trip with their worthless mother. On top of all the daily crap, NOW, we found some snap chat videos the step daughter is posting. Her behavior is completely revolting. She seems as if she were raised in the ghetto. Videos of her smoking evape cigs, cursing like a sailor. I'm astonished at her behavior. I believe my husband has seen the light. He's so disappointed, he keeps saying that he doesn't even look at her the same way anymore. Maybe God has heard my cries for help after all.