You are here

Who else wants to start smoking again?

1dad4kids's picture

I haven't smoked in like 8 years. But for some reason when I'm pregnant and our court proceedings are coming to a big event (which seems to be only during pregnancy) I wish I could smoke. I remember the calmness I'd feel sweep over me when I used to stress smoke. 

Lol. Just dreams. I won't give in but being pregnant sure is a bummer when you have a little extra stress in the home. 


tog redux's picture

My DH smokes when he's stressed, ugh, I hate it.  How did your court proceedings go today?

1dad4kids's picture

Not as good as I'd hoped. I'm starting to dislike DH's lawyer, even though he's been with us since the beginning and will do the trial pro bono it's like he's got too much on his plate to commit to our case anymore. 

The conference was deferred to a pretrial in 2 months. The judge thinks it's okay to impute income on DH because he thinks I don't work my share of the company- which is a real piss off and honestly offensive. The judge said that the counselor would be in charge of when SS10 switches to the new parenting plan but it's still going to be week on week off.

The counselor said they wanted DH & BM to have a session alone without SS10. I really doubt BM is going to be on board. 

Counselor emailed DH & BM today saying she thinks SS10 will need 1 more session before the transition and that BM and DH need to show a united front before he can transition. Then said after the transition she'll need probably a few more sessions with him. DH is wondering how this is going to work as BM hates the idea of the week on week off and will do whatever she can to not make it happen. 

Your input would be appreciated here. Also, SS10 said they played Go Fish today and he won lol. I'm wondering if that's a way to get him relax? We play cards often here. 

tog redux's picture

That's too bad. Seems these things never go as you hope they will. So they think DH is hiding income by saying he pays you for work in his company?

As for the therapist - at least she wants the week on, week off - but if she's holding out for them to be a "united front", she's going to wait a long time.  But maybe she can at least begin to see that BM is the problem and not DH, that might help.

Oh, as for the cards, yes, I often play with child clients. But if she's trying to talk to him too, she's probably not paying much attention, hence why he won, lol.  Playing with kids helps them relax, for sure.

1dad4kids's picture

DH and I own a company together where I do the operations and he does the labour. We split the company 51/49 for him and they think I don't earn my 49. 

It's a chauvinist judge who believes the woman should be in the home and the man working. 

DH's lawyer sent him an email saying that he's going to do up the numbers and see if DH wants to settle or head to chambers. DH said he'd save him the time and let BM and her lawyer know they would need to make a chambers application. 

The thing is that if they impute that income on DH then it means my work (which is significant) would be equivalent to that of a part time minimum wage earner. Not to mention the significant amount of money that would take away from our bios. We've already had to take our daughter out of extracurriculars to afford SS10's swimming thst he doesn't even enjoy.


Picardy III's picture

No idea if this would help, but do you have a record of employment and salary before working for your joint company? If you can show you earned X amount in a previous role, in line with your current salary, it can bolster your worth to your current company. 

tog redux's picture

That’s crappy and probably just what BM was angling for. Is there no way to prove your worth in terms of the company? Is there a chance of changing the judge’s mind? That would stink to get 50/50 and pay BM more than you did before. 

1dad4kids's picture

Yes, I have my old job description and employment offer with salary on it showing I was making nearly double what I'm earning in the company now, with way less responsibilities.

Honestly reading my correspondence made me start missing my old job but my old boss has sold the company and daycare would be outrageous lol

Picardy III's picture

That salary record should help, one hopes. Hard for a judge to say you're just little wifey who answers the telephone and keeps the calendar, when you can prove an even higher market value.

Though a bad judge can be capable of swallowing any nonsense, it seems.

1dad4kids's picture

I just don't want to drag my company and clients through a child support case. DH said we could get testimonials from our customers but I'm not interested in going that route. 

If we go to court, not just pretrial, it's up to BM and her lawyer to prove I don't do my share of the work. I think it's our best option but also DH's lawyer isn't doing the child support case pro bono so we'll have to put up a retainer now 

MurphysLaw's picture

You just have to use your imagination and it's better than the real ones (or nothing at all)

Have you tried any essential oils? Some can be very relaxing...?

1dad4kids's picture

I'm anti scented things. I'm not sure I have a real reason, I know I had headaches as a kid and asthma but I'm no longer afflicted by either. 

Maybe a massage is in order Smile

IamBackUW's picture

Get some therapy or carry baby carrots or nuts or pepperoni or ?! to munch on.

Take up a hobby like knitting or crocheting and make some stuff for your impending bundle of joy.

If you make the self-sabotaging mistake of smoking again your asthma will make a ferocious return and you will get lung infections and maybe even die quickly.

Disengage from your H's court crap to cut down on your stressload.

1dad4kids's picture

I won't smoke again. I've made it this far, but it sure would be nice. 

Funnily enough my daughter wants to learn to knit. DH ended up teaching her the first steps because I can't seem to grasp the simple finger coordinations. Lol

Picardy III's picture

With you on the smoking. I'd never do it again with any regularity - but a couple cigarettes a year, for old times' sake... brings back so many memories (and general unhealthy living, ha).

futurobrillante99's picture

It's been ages since I had a cigarette, but I sure wish I was allowed to smoke some wacky weed. *sigh*

1dad4kids's picture

I haven't been able to smoke any since my daughter was born. I get paranoid. It's legal here and I can't even enjoy it Sad

futurobrillante99's picture

Honestly, I'd probalby opt for edibles, but still bummed that's off limits to me. Sad

Hang in there. There's always alcohol!!

1dad4kids's picture

Lol, would you believe I'm also a non drinker? 

I'm not exactly the fun type ha ha. 

(But also still too pregnant for booze anyway)