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Narcissists and their professions

1dad4kids's picture

BM is a 1dad4kids diagnosed narcissist. 

She is currently taking her psychology degree (moved to full time since DH said he would be imputing income on her otherwise and the judge agreed that would be fair). 

She recently made the front page of our local paper for her new podcast about mental health. 

I can't make this stuff up. 

Prior to this schooling endeavor, BM took hairdressing, photography, and business admin. All of which she didn't complete (or we think she flunked out of hairdressing because- SS11's hair is just awful). 

Her other career choices (since I've known her) include restaurant manager, fast cash loaner, finance manager at a dealership and some serving positions. None of those positions have lasted longer than 6 months- she was fired from every job she's ever worked according to DH. 

What are typical narcissist professions? Or career traits? 

My little brother is a narcissist. He worked his last position for 7 years in a scheduling software company. He has other experience in mechanics, social work, bartending/serving and he is currently the owner and operator of a not for profit small businesses website. He is a genius, I don't know if that's related or not. 

Anyways, interesting topic for conversation?

Comments

yougotthis's picture

BM is a narcassist. She can't hold down a job, always getting fired for showing up late or not showing up at all after a while, also has been fired for stealing in the past. I think she's had 15 jobs in the 6 years I've been around. Well the past year she hasn't worked at all, cause of COVID, which is a crock of shit, everythings open here and she has no underlying health issues, other than being a lazy POS.

futurobrillante99's picture

I can tell you which job they won't have........one that has them working alone with no human interaction. They'd wither without humans to mess with, destroy or get ego strokes from. They need to feed, so isolation will not do.

You will not find them in Antarctica on a solo mission with no means of communication - LOL. Unless they have multiple personalities and get fuel from their other personalities.

Honestly, I think you find a LOT of narcissists in the acting field, politics and anywhere they can interact with other people.

ndc's picture

Putting aside the narcissism, your BM's career progression is kind of odd.  Hairdressing and photography just don't seem like a natural progression to psychology.  What's she going to do with that degree anyway?  Every single person I know who got a bachelors in psychology needed to continue with their education because no one seemed to be hiring bachelors level psychology majors to work in the field.

1dad4kids's picture

Oh who knows. Her kids are all in need of a psychologist so I'm sure she's trying to become one to diagnose them, however unethical that may be. 

My sister has a master's in psychology (working on doctorate) and she's a principal.

 

caninelover's picture

As futuro notes many actors and politicians would rank high for narcissistic traits if not full blown NPD.

In my workplace I have a co-worker who is a narc.  I manage interactions with her differently now - plenty of praise, only offer anything that could be perceived as criticism directly to her and sandwiched in between praise at the start and praise at the end.  It is tiring and no one likes working with this person.  Fortunately I don't have to work closely with her so its fine.

JRI's picture

I used the sandwich technique in performance reviews with my narc employee, too.  Only problem was, she heard the praise on either end and disregarded the negative remarks in the middle.  LOL.  It was tiring.

caninelover's picture

They are a p.i.t.a. to deal with!

1dad4kids's picture

Oh man, DH used to compliment BM all the time and it drovee mental and he'd say she was nicer that way. She probably was, but it wasn't worth it to me. 

CastleJJ's picture

Our BM is suspected NPD, never formally diagnosed but DH said therapists directed it that way. She got a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and a Master's Degree in... wait for it... Social Work. A NPD BM that wants to HELP others... yeah right. DH said BM is fascinated with mental health conditions and therapy. DH jokes that it is because BM is crazy herself and uses her professional knowledge to manipulate and alienate. 

I think BM wants to be the holier than thou savior to save all these "poor people". It builds BM's ego and gives her power. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Yes, and because she KNOWS STUFF, she can self diagnose as wonderful and tell everyone else what THEIR mental health issues are. For the rest, she's a real HERO. Very important to many narcs.

caninelover's picture

often don't tell NPD patients they are NPD.  Their fragile egos can't take it and it would push them out of therapy.

CastleJJ's picture

Oh the therapist didn't tell BM this, the therapist told DH this when they did couple's therapy. She didn't "diagnose" NPD, but hinted that way. 

strugglingSM's picture

Same thing happened to DH, but the couples' therapist hinted at BPD for BM. That was when the therapist also told DH that divorce would be good for him because BM was abusive. A previous therapist that DH saw also expressed "concerns" about BM's behavior as did a couple's therapist DH and I saw and my current therapist. BM supposedly sees a counselor...or used to...would love to hear what that person had to say.

Evil4's picture

It's funny that you say that BM got her MA in social work. I had actually commented but didn't click save because I wasn't sure if I was going to offend anyone. I was going to comment that law enforcement and social work attract a ton of narcs. It's supposedly due to the power and authority they have and the decision-making power that affects others. Social work attracts female narcs.

When I was pregnant and couldn't work the line as a CO, I was put in a child protection office. The stories I could tell you about how a few of the female social workers treated me....Also, I remember sitting with social workers in the park while they cried their eyes out because they were being bullied by other female social workers. A couple of the bullies were actually diagnosed with NPD. 

 

1dad4kids's picture

Oh you cannot tell a narcissist they are a narcissist. DH's lawyer told BM she was being intentionally antagonistic and she tried to get him in trouble with the law society. 

Narcissists are terrifying if you don't know how to handle them since they will stop at nothing. 

Are narcissists and sociopaths similar?

Evil4's picture

By lay people narcissists are often mistaken for sociopaths. That's because of the level of damage that a narc can cause and the depths that a narc will go to in order to create havoc. So, they do seem very similar. 

MissK03's picture

My friends sister is HCBM to the extreme. I can't even write about the stuff she's done/said. She is 100% a narc. She also  has a masters in social work. Scary stuff. 

GrudgingSM's picture

And she constantly changed jobs. Every 18 months or so. And it was ALWAYS the employer's fault.

however she ended up withdrawing more and more from people and jobs because her anxiety was so high. 
 

hCBM makes her money as an ex-wife and as a part-time photographer. Always said she only wanted to be a mom, but she's absolute garbage at it. Must suck to fail at your dream so hard.

futurobrillante99's picture

OMG

futurobrillante99's picture

I forgot about the church. Narcs galore! They know all the Bible verses to use to manipulate people.

The_Upgrade's picture

The best at preaching “forgiveness”

thiscantbenormal's picture

My husband's uncle is a church leader.  Pretty positive he is bipolar and is a hoarder.  Him and his wife hid from the church their herion addict daughter stole from the church funds and helped disguise her when she had a warrant for her arrest. They also downplayed her breaking and entering as not that big of deal and the money and things she stole to pawn "were of little value" so nobody should hold it against her.

ESMOD's picture

I think a career trait is moving from job to job often.  

Because:

1.  They are great at "getting the job" because they believe in themselves so much they can sell themselves to anyone.  They say the right things.. put on a big show... but when it comes to actual job performance?  their work doesn't match the hype.. so either the boss gets tired of it and fires them.. their coworkers get tired of covering for them and they get fired.

2.  They have no interpersonal skills and quit because they aren't being "valued" or treated like they deserve.  

If I had 100 dollars for every time my YSD told me her mom changed jobs because "they weren't treating her right".. I would be super rich... I so wanted to say.."oh.. you mean they expect her to come in and actually report for work?  Expect her to not be a raging btch to everyone? Expect her to do her job?".. yeahh... 

What I did say was that the jobs she held were jobs that "anyone" could get... office manager.. front desk.. receptionist... so, I told her it was important to get her to get her degree.. so that she would be more "in demand" and could expect her employers to treat her better.

 

futurobrillante99's picture

My XH2 has worked in the same field for 40 years. He's had steady employment for all of it and has only worked at 2 companies. He's a stellar employee. He's also a covert narcissist obsessed with SEEMING like an upstanding pillar of the community.

strugglingSM's picture

BM does this with Skids teachers. I've heard multiple times (different year, different school, different kid) that one skid or the other had to change teachers because the "bad" teacher was "mean to mom." I've decided that means that the teacher didn't give in to BM's demands to not require skid to do homework or to change skid's grade. 

Smashytalk's picture

In the last 10 years, BM has had at least 15 different jobs that I'm aware of, and that includes taking about 3 years off to f around and have baby #2 with next husband.(she refuses to work during her pregnancies because her job is to "grow the baby .") Couldn't keep a job so never had a real career path and now she's now a cashier at a big box hardware store.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

BM worked in retail, now she works in a package room. She lost every job she had for having relationships at work then causing drama after the break up. 

She tells SKs she was going to go to school to be  Marine Biologist but couldn't because she got pregnant with her oldest child. So it's his fault she is unsuccessful in life. 

ExH works in corrections because thier is a fine line between the type of people who become criminals and those who go into law enforcement.

Evil4's picture

As a former CO, I can attest to the corrections comment. A lot of the inmates are narcs as are many COs. A lot of the cops I dealt with, especially females, were narcs. I had never seen so much bullying than in LE. 

ExhaustedByItAll's picture

Our BM is narc and, wait for it...currently works in the psych ward at a hospital, low level, candy striper type duties that she gets paid for, no degree. She refers to herself as "a medical professional" in any emails to do with the kids health. "In my view as a medical professional..." puke. That said, to our knowledge, this is her 4th job in 3 years, she gets fired a lot. With all the emails she's been sending lately we've been wondering if she hasn't been fired again to have that much time on her hands! 

Evil4's picture

DH often makes snide remarks about BM "making her living off of failed relationships." LOL. But she does. She even got CS out of her former lover for the SKs. The same year that CS ran out, BM found a guy and they married within a matter of weeks. DH joked about the 8 year mark as BM seemed to divorce at the 8 year mark every time. I said not this time because she's off work and has no other relationship, so she'll have to make this one stick. It's been 13 years and so far so good. She must have him fooled somehow. LOL

Let's not forget the "illnesses" or "conditions" that can or can't be proven vial medical tests. For example BM claims to have Fibromyalgia. I don't say there's no such thing because I worked with three people who had it, but there is a reason why even some medical professionals don't believe in it. My own doctor told me it's because of people like BM. They have a history of not wanting to work and aiming for permanent benefits, so if they pick a condition that can or can't be proven, they will get permanent disability and be able to stay off of work forever. My friend was a benefits worker and welfare worker and she said it's a lifestyle and mindset for narcissists. They are the ones who cause everyone else to be questioned. She said her caseloads usually consist of at least half of them being narcs or borderlines who don't want to work. They feel that the world owes them a livng and they don't want to work, so they find ways to collect benefits so that they can avoid working. 

JRI's picture

SD59 is on disabity from a number of nebulous conditions.  I'm actually glad because it reduces the financial load on us.   I actually testified, truthfully, to one of the doctors that her memory, judgment and perception were  impaired.  I didnt say it was, imo, from drug use.  She has a catalog of medical issues.  No question, its a lifestyle and mindset.  And, yes, she doesnt want to work.  You know how those pesky managers can be, wanting you to come in every day on time and doing your work with no hassle.  She cant even show up here on the days she tells DH.  Theres always some issue.  I always hope she won't and I'm often happilly surprised.

strugglingSM's picture

BM here is undiagnosed, but suspected, BPD with narc tendencies. She is a CPA who specializes in investigating financial fraud...which is fitting since she's committed quite a bit of it herself! She has worked in this field for years, but has switched companies quite a few times (at one she was a partner until the other partner dissolved the partnership because he thought she was embezzling money). She's also a big fan of MLMs...none of which she has made money on, but all of which she assumes will be her ticket to being a millionaire. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I guess it takes one to know one when it comes to embezzlers!

And a lot of things really...criminals in law enforcement and law, psyc issues in the mental health field, etc. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

I can't believe that she's a CPA and buys into the MLM schemes.  She should lose her certification.

strugglingSM's picture

She's also committed tax fraud multiple times. After she and DH divorced, DH secured an innocent spouse ruling for three tax years because BM hadn't filed. While he was working with the IRS to apply for these rulings, the IRS agent asked DH if he would testify against BM in a tax evasion case because they suspected that she was underreporting her income. She was and DH had documents that would show she was expensing personal items on her business account (including trips to the casino), but he refused to work with them. She hasn't even filed or paid any taxes for the years he received the innocent spouse rulings.

She also loves to gamble - goes multiple times per week and when she and DH were married, she would spend thousands of dollars each time she went to the casino. When they were first married, she estimated she spent $25k a year at the casino and I imagine it's double or triple that now. Her soon to be ex husband is also a big gambler and according to Skids, he thought she was spending too much money at the casino.

According to DH's financial records she also had a bit of a spending problem. She would have days when she'd make 7-10 purchases on QVC or Amazon. 

So, yes, it's a bit odd that she's a CPA. I sometimes wonder if she did it to figure out how to commit financial fraud herself. I believe her mother - who according to the way DH has described her also seems like a borderline or a narc - was also a CPA or worked in a similar industry. 

Lndsy747's picture

Wow I've suspected BM was a narc for a long time and reading these just validates those feelings further. She has a BA in psychology MA in counseling. She changed majors a ton and was a career student for a long time and most jobs last a year or two.

She's was a family counselor and at one point worked with high risk children while alienating her SD from her dad and moving so often SD attended 12 different school systems before graduating HS.

shamds's picture

Didn't work, rather she did bare minimum and so many errors that hubby who was growing up the ranks stupidly offered her $2000 a month to stay home if she wanted to be a stay at home mum which meant she could be on holidays from housework and child raising and collect a free paycheck.

she collects the cs for sd15 and supposedly gives some money to sd25 who cares for her because she hated hubby so much when she kicked sd15 put of home, both sd's were already alienated from my husband.

tog redux's picture

There are narcissistic people in all fields, really.  The ones pretty well-known are surgeons and CEOs.

Every field attracts its share of crazies, none is immune - just about everything you can imagine seems represented in this thread. I'd be wary of generalizing based on someone's occupation.

Though I will say that BM here teaches an Ethics class. lol

 

halo1998's picture

Beaver I believe is BDP with NPD tendancies.  She fits the border line more than narc, but definately show signes of both.

Beaver has a degree in pyschology.  Took her 15 years to get that.

She also went to school for early childhood education, real estate, business management, hair dressing and nail technician and a cancer tumor registrar.  Those are the ones that I know of....right now she is case managment coordinator or something for a hospital.  Beaver has been a check processor in a bank, a day care worker, a receptionist, a insurance percertification person, a stock person at Target, a starbucks barista...so far I think.

Beaver tried to be pyschologist but wasn't able to get a job in that field. (Ya don't say).  Then she was a cancer tumor registrar but only lasted a little over  a year at that. There was some story from SD that her co-workers didn't like her and that one co-worker wanted her job so they made it so she had to leave.  MMM..hmmm...more like they expected you to do your job with minimal supervision and with accuracy.  None of wich Beaver can do.  Now she is glorified secretary to a case management director.  

 

halo1998's picture

and he has been at the same company for almost 20 years..now the company just keeps moving him from one job to another because he consistently cannot perform the job that he believes he "should" have.  

advice.only2's picture

Meth Mouth was a realtor, which makes sense, being in the public eye...allegedly helping people while receiving all the accolades and money.  Then she moved into being a CNA, again makes sense.  Feels she was in a position of power while allegedly helping people and getting all the accolades of being a good helping person.  Now she allegedly works in home health.  This is twofold for her, she gets the accolades she's a good person almost saint like working with the elderly, and she can rob them blind because they are elderly. 

BPDHell's picture

I think it depends on if they're high or low functioning. My SM is high functioning and went into special ed, where she had a lot of power and was in a position of authority over others. She went to great lengths to do great things for people so she'd receive lots of praise and people would gush about how smart and wise she was. She also taught at a local college for a few semesters and just from the stories she told and her reviews on rate my professor, she was either amazing or a nightmare, depending on if she liked you or not. She's been retired for years, but still meets with some of her favorite students to advise them (and get her narc supply). I have very limited contact with her.

My SKs are all low functioning and work at service related positions (none of them were able to finish HS, they all ended up in special programs to graduate). SS has trouble holding a job and we did a little tap dance the first time he managed to keep a job for a year. It's happened twice now, but he hasn't been able to keep one longer than a year. Previously his record was 5 months. The girls are able to hold steady jobs, but the one with the worst narc symptoms hasn't been able to move up despite doing backflips trying to get promoted. The older one is BPD and doesn't seem to have many narc symptoms, she has the most secure job situation and has been promoted. But all 3 of them tell stories of all kinds of chaos with coworkers not realizing that it's giving them away, because to an outsider it appears like they're assholes and are hard to work with. It appears they are the reason for the toxic culture. Interestingly, my SM had this same dynamic both when she was a school teacher and a professor, there was a lot of conflict with her co-workers and some of the higher ups and I suspected she was the reason for it.

CLove's picture

Toxic Troll and her mini-me Feral Forger really are total Narcs. TT might be bi-polar, because she goes hi-lo, and her temper tantrum rages are full-board with no pulling punches at all. FF just complains a lot about everything and when pushed with cry and scream. But TT goes physical violence.

This might surprise you: Toxic Troll worked for 10 years with autistic children and has according to her "all kinds of certifications as a beahavior specialist" and is "very deep into phsychology". She barely has her GED, and no college. She previously worked at Macy's makeup counters and odd jobs. Shes tried some MLS's like Neora.

Now - no job.

Feral Forger, barely graduated high school, worked in restaurants, and would get the job and then not show up. No drivers license and nothing really going on. According to Munchkin shes taking one community college class. To stay in the apartment.

And now - no job.

loveallmygirls's picture

I don't think ours is diagnosed with NPD, but I swear I think she is one. She quit her job because she has a new kid and told DH she was going to be a SAHM because she was having another child and he has a serious medical condition. Sorry- we didn't cause that and you have a master's degree. We have a child with a serious medical condition too but we didn't quit our jobs. We found competent care for her and figured it out like grown ups. She doesn't involve DH in any major decisions regarding kids, just expects him to pay up for whatever she decides is best. She even tried to get his wages garnished (literally no reason for that since he's never missed a payment) using false information that could have gotten him in crazy legal trouble. She is literally the only person that matters.