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Going down a rabbit hole

1dad4kids's picture

My email is nearing its limits, so I was cleaning my inbox up using key words. 

I came across a letter from our lawyer to the law society after BM had filed a complaint on him. That lead me back to reading the email she sent where she told DH she sent the complaint. That email also caused the cease and desist order on BM and she hasn't been allowed to email anything like that to DH since. Thank fucking goodness. 

In her email to DH she was upset because DH was keeping SS11 to begin a week on, week off schedule when school was cancelled due to the pandemic. BM had thought that by withholding SS11's medication from DH he would be forced to return him. She didn't realize DH had extras leftover from the summer prior. BM's email specifically says that DH "should NEVER have extras since SS11 needs his medication daily". That email was sent about a year ago. Since then SS11 has missed his medication in her care the equivalent of 2.5 months. I had forgot she wrote that so adamantly in her email, so we'll keep that in our back pocket if things don't smarten up for the next school year. 

I also read the emails BM's lawyer sent our lawyer, apologizing for BM's law society complaint and claiming she knew nothing about it. That particular email is what ended up getting the complaint thrown out, as BM indicated in her complaint that she had discussed filing it with her legal counsel. 

It's funny how hard BM tried to be a "good mom" and put on a show when we were going through court but literally doesn't gaf about being a parent now.

Oh and an update about the swim shorts. DH picked up the biggest size of shorts they sold and SS11 said they fit and wore them 2 weeks ago. Then, this last weekend he puts them on and says that I packed his old suit cause they didn't fit! After discovering that I had packed the right ones, he back tracked and said it was just because they were new and they'll stretch out while he swims. His whole butt crack was hanging out! I asked him to change into his regular swim shorts but he refused and it wasn't my crack everyone would be seeing so I didn't push. He told me later that they fit fine during swimming. We asked him what shorts he wears with BM and he said she special orders them in a bigger size from a sports site. When we asked him what he would wear for competition he just shrugged and said he would either wear the ones from our house or wouldn't compete. DH said that wasn't acceptable and that at 11 years old he shouldn't be needing special ordered swim shorts or missing competition because he can't fit them. 

I think it's a non issue anyway now that BM will be splitting nearly half the bill, there's no way she'll enroll SS11 in swimming it's ridic expensive. 



CastleJJ's picture

I have gone through an email purge before and it led me to go down BM's email rabbit hole. It's amazing how much crap we all put up with for years and it's amazing how far these HCBMs will go. Some of it feels like a distant memory at this point. I can't believe some of the stuff we went along with out of fear of withholding and worsened abuse from BM.

Our BM did the same thing, trying to prove to the courts that she is an amazing mother, only to be a crap parent once court is over. She handed over all of SS' records and all the emails between BM and DH trying to say that she did everything for SS. Well of course she did because she wouldn't let DH anywhere near doctor's appointments, sporting events, school events, etc. She would email DH the morning of asking him to go and of course when he couldn't because she told him 15 minutes to a few hours in advance, she would bash him for being a deadbeat. 

Our BM is never with SS. Her GF does all the work which is why I think GF is so territorial over SS. From birth to 5 years old, SS spent 6 days a week from morning until late at night either in daycare or with BM's parents. BM wasn't working full time and didn't need the constant care, she just couldn't stand to be with SS that long. When BM met GF when SS was 5 and moved SS out of state, GF immediately started taking on the parenting responsibilities. She does all the school drop offs and pick ups, all the sporting events, all the homework help, everything. Our friends occasionally screenshot and send us stuff from GF's Facebook where GF takes SS to his sport events and posts a picture and BM posts back "Oh so sad I missed it." SS told us that he is over at friend's houses every single day after school and on the weekends and BM has informed DH that SS has dozens of sleepovers on school nights, all while BM sits at home and does her own thing. BM has told DH that she would rather SS be with literally anyone else but us and that DH doesnt deserve visitation. Well, SS is with everyone but BM so neither biological parent is raising him. 

1dad4kids's picture

Well I hope GF is a good parent at least. Fortunately your SShas friends to stay with. Not all kids are in that position. 

skell76's picture

I just did the same thing last night, it drags me through so many emotions of raging mad to just shaking my head. Even though DH has won in court, things are progressively worse with her so I imagine we'll be back in court. Thankfully he's better at documenting now. These women sigh.

Gotta love finding those little gems in emails and sorry that your SS seems to be growing outward :/ Swimming isn't a forgiving uniform sport by any means and no joke on expensive

hereiam's picture

Yeah, I have a couple of blogs (I shredded BM & You've Got Mail) about going through crap from the past. Loads of fun. It's amazing that someone (not saying who) didn't kill that bitch.

After I thought I had shredded everything, I found more crap in, yet, another file cabinet!

Luckily, it's only paperwork and all of our real crap regarding BM is truly in the past. Haven't had contact with her in 12 years.