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Can we talk about the good ones?

1dad4kids's picture

We know they're out there. The good DHs & DWs, the amazing stepkids. Even the good BM's & BD's. (I'd be especially excited to read about those as they seem mythical). 

We're all here because at least one of those isn't a good one, but maybe at least one is? Let's try to keep the Bad Ones out of this post, as much as we can Smile

Good Ones for me:

DH: he's amazing. He parents aside me. We are partners (life & work) and so, so in love. He didn't know he had a son until 3 months before we started dating, and years after we were already best friends. He's also done the dishes pretty much every day since I got pregnant with baby #3 and that's about the best thing ever. 

SS10: He's an amazing little boy. He's a bit "behind" socially but it's through no fault of his own. I love him, he was my only child for 6 years. He's sweet and funny and a tremendous big brother. He wants to get his babysitting course so he can take his sister to the park and I just think that's so sweet. 


Let's hear about yours!!!


tog redux's picture

My DH has his flaws as all humans do, but he's a good parent and a good husband. He was not afraid of BM and set limits on her nonsense. He's never given her one red cent above what he was ordered to pay. He didn't expect or even want me to parent his son, and he cared how I felt about his son's behavior and tried to protect me from BM.  He doesn't and never will enable SS in any way.

My SS has a lot of negatives I won't list, but he likes me and he's always been respectful to me (because of DH's parenting). He adored me from day one, and never tried to split us up and never excluded me or treated me badly.  He probably does think of me as "Dad's wife", but that's okay, because that's how I think of myself and never wanted to be any kind of mother figure to him.

SeeYouNever's picture

My husband is great. He has gotten a lot better and I think he sees SD and his family for what they really are, dramatic bitches. He values the peace of our home and sighs relief when everyone goes home. He loves SD obviously but he's realized she is never going to see him as anything more than a wallet and he just hopes she launches. Our family is really a do over. 

BM calmed down a lot after getting married and having another kid. She can be very dramatic but she's also not that bright so DH can usually shit her up if he stands up to her. Once he learned to stand up to her rather than just take her shit things got better. I got him to realize she was going to withhold and poison SD against him whether he stood up to her or not.

SD is not the worst. She's a vapid lazy little brat but she is most polite and behaves during the rare times we see her. I know a lot of you have worse kids more often so it's a good thing from my perspective that she ignores communication and agrees to visitation rarely. 

Now my in laws... They are the worst.

Chmmy's picture

I love most of my inlaws, DH has one sister who causes problems but he has 4 siblings + 5 half siblings. My in laws are on my side that DH needs to step up his parenting but for the most part they are afraid to confront him. He has been so defensive over the years, first of BM and now the skids. He defended BM to the death when he was married to her only to be proven wrong post divorce. Now it's the kids, he defends their awful behavior and makes excuses and while the in laws love the kids, they know DH does them a disservice by piss poor parenting.

1dad4kids's picture

I didn't think to consider in laws! My MIL is pretty amazing and FIL has recently started being a good grandpa but I could do without the rest of them lol

Vivian7's picture

I have been stepmom to my kids for 23 years.  Always easy?  Of course not, but at this point in my life I am BEYOND glad that I have them.  They have grown up to be responsible, hardworking, solid people whom I can't imagine loving any more were they my own.  Matter of fact I never call them m step kids.  They're just my kids...  SD29 has 2 kids who are absolutely my grandchildren too.   

I don't attribute this to luck.  It was many years in the making and a lot of struggling but I'd do it all again.   

1dad4kids's picture

Raising all children comes with challenges, anyone who says it's easy is either lying or a bad parent lol. 

I only call SS10 for this site or directly biological questions. Otherwise he's my son Smile

Picardy III's picture

All in my situation are Good Ones: DH, SKs, in-laws. Even BM is rarely a Bad One for me: she's mostly low conflict now (probably because she's lost power, rather than become more reasonable - but the impact on my household is the same). 

I'm actually not here because of any Bad Ones: just because steplife is an unnatural situation, no matter how good the members. And they are good :).


1dad4kids's picture

Good for you. I imagined there was someone out there like you, but I'd never known it could be real lol. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

My DH is one of the good ones.  When it all got too much with YSS he handled it approriately in a grown up manner that resolved the situation without creating additional drama.  

Plus he does really thoughful things.  For example, one time when it was raining he came to meet me at the train station after work with a dark pair of shoes.  He'd noticed that I'd worn expensive biege high heals to work and thought that I'd be grateful for a change of shoe to stop them being ruined in the rain on the walk from the station home.  He also comes, without compliant, to my Dad's annual Christmas lunch fiasco.

OSS and MSS are ok.  They are a bit boring but perfectly polite.  They have their own lives.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

I don't take it for granted.  

He also brings me breakfast in bed most Saturdays.

However, he can't organise a holiday or romantic date to save his life.  I step in to make this stuff happen. Wink

1dad4kids's picture

As long as you're both bringing something to the table then it sounds lovely

AshMar654's picture

My DH has come along way since we started dating, buying a house, and getting married. I did pretty damn good. Nothing is ever perfect but he tries really hard and since I am very very very pregnant at this point has been doing a lot to help me. He did not complain that I have to steal his socks because mine are too tight. he has really stepped it up parenting DS11 lately and I my stress level has been way down.

DS11 well he had been preteen and difficult but I still love him. Sorry that is all the good I have on that right now.

Gimlet's picture

My DH is a good man.  He's kind, and compassionate, and trustworthy.  He is an excellent husband who genuinely cares about my needs and his enormous heart has helped to heal so many of my scars.  He's smart, and fun, and a great partner.

As far as parenting, he's second to none with emotional support.   The only sticking point we have is that he's not very good at tough love and he got the kind of kids who need it more than others.  So, we're working through that and it hasn't been easy but it is worth it. 

Aniki's picture

My DH is a good man: loving, hardworking, and a veritable rock. He's the best man I know, second only to my Dad. In the beginning, he was a Disney Dad. Thankfully, he 'outgrew' that and started parenting again (my disengaging played a part in that).

The skids, with a LOT of help from BioHo, were pretty darn sucky in the beginning. BioHo did a standup job of step-parent alienating them. I just kept chugging along and stayed on the same path and the skids finally came to realize that 'Ho is the proverbial bad guy in all of this (revelations continue to happen). I have a wonderful relationship with SD27. SD24 and I started rebuilding at Christmas and it's going well. I have good relationships with both SS21 and SS17 (per SD27, SS17 things I'm 'supercool'). 

It's been a helluva rough ride, but continues to smooth out and be more and more enjoyable.

classyNJ's picture

I have a good one with DH.  He has always made us a priority, has never taken me for granted and set boundaries with himself, the boys and the DBDB.  I was not made to step in as a "mommy" role and I chose what to do and when to do it.

SS22 has his problems like most, but he is sweet to me and is very considerate.  He brings home goodies that he knows I love without even asking.

SS18 is the complete opposite.  He has done me wrong, no apology so I keep him at arms length.  I do not ignore or say anything that will upset DH because he handles it all.  He has my back.

I wish I had gotten to know DH's mom.  I am told by his cousins who I adore that he has alot of her in him.  Both his parents passed before we got together. 

As far as DBDB - since DH got his balls out of her purse, she doesn't even bother.  She knows I am here to support him and the boys and stays far away from me.  Took a few years, but she learned.