Step Talk

YES, you will still belong to this site!!! You've "been there done that" and we value you! I'm so glad you still had a place to go back to.

You are so young. My goodness. I am sorry you are going through this.

If your bf told he that he doesn't know if he wants you...that speaks volumes. You will find someone who doesn't want to live unless they have you in their life.

Dani, you are WAY TOO YOUNG to be putting up with this nonsense.
You should be having FUN, traveling, living it up; NOT dealing
with his nonsense over and over again.

You don't want to look back in 1,3, or 5 years and realize that
you wasted the best years of your LIFE on this clown (although
ALL YEARS are the best years, really!). If he doesn't want you, HIS LOSS. Move on to someone who will treat you like a piece of GOLD, and YOU KNOW they are out there!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

Also, if it's important to you to have children, maybe find someone who is equally as enthusiastic about it as you are. Don't give that up for someone who's not even sure if he wants you.

but if my two cents are worth anything, I think you're doing the right thing for yourself. It's always difficult when a relationship ends, especially when you still love that person very much. For some reason some guys think it's ok to sit on that fence forever, and that the GF will just accept that behavior and stick around till the end of never. What's worse is the limbo it places YOU in: sticking around hoping and praying that he'll finally choose you, but knowing deep within your heart that he never will. It is so hard to live that way, and you are so very courageous to stand up for yourself. Leaving is NEVER easy.

I pray that you find the strength to go on, comfort for your soul, and peace within your heart.

Even when I was temporarily Not At Home, and technically Single Again, Dawn Didn't Boot Me, and Nobody really gave Me static for being an Ex-Step, except for one or two Boneheads, that Pissed a LOT of Good, Smart, Helpful Girls away from Here, that were Long Time Members. I just Ignored Their Ignoramous Arsehole Commentary. I don't post here very often, anymore, but The Oldtimers I'm Sure Remember Me...Like SMJen, Sita, Dawn,Karma, etc.Nothing personal to those I didn't name, just said the first few that came to mind, from Recent Contact, etc.

Steve

Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL

There are people who would say that you didn't belong here in the first place because you were never married. Pay no mind to them. You belong here as long as you feel like getting support from the friends you've made and giving support as well. You don't have to be a "current" step parent to have something valuable to say or another way of looking at something.

You're hurting enough as it is right now. Don't tell yourself you have less value anywhere in your life because it's not true.

To every thing there is a season.

Just take care of you first. Of course you are always welcome here!! They are right, if you don't accept second best, someone will find you who cannot live without you. I think your man just has his own issues, but they are not yours! You are so young with your whole life ahead of you!! I think you did the right thing!!!!!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

i know it hurts now dani but u really are saving urself alot of heartache down the line form thisman, im afraid. im glad u had the strength to put ur needs first and get away from this toxicity. now go find urself a single man w no baggage!! LUCKY!! hugs!

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

You and your BF were together for 4 years. That's four years of stepchildren, fours years of a troubling BM, four years of issues with guilt-parenting- all which led you here!

And just because the relationship is over, do not think that the friendships you made on here are over as well.

We are all still here for you as you begin to build your new life.

And remember, Dani, when you DO start to date again...find a guy with NO CHILDREN!!!!

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

You are are beautiful! We all are.

No one has the power to make you feel badly, but you. Don't give a man the power to make you feel less than what you truly are. You were fanastic before him and you will be after him.

I am so sorry for what you're going through. I feel that you've already done the hardest part here - you've left. You can now take the time and decide what it is that YOU want. You are still young, and honestly, as much as it hurts, I think you've done the right thing. One of the reasons that I left my husband was because he decided after we were married that he didn't want children. He changed his mind months later, but by then it was too late. I wasn't coming back. I also wasn't confident about him really changing his mind about that. I felt he was ready to do whatever he could to get me to come back. I didn't want to have to beg someone for the things I wanted in life; after all, I wasn't asking for the sun or the moon, I was asking to start a family with the man I married, and who had agreed that he'd wanted those things too. I had confidence that I would meet someone that i didn't have to beg for that, and it happened.

My advice - are there places for you to go out? I used to go out at night on the weekends to happy hour with friends, and occasionally alone. It felt way better than sitting home.

Now I am dealing with so much other grief (BM) but I am here. Sometimes I wonder how I got here too.

As for not belonging here, that is not true. Technically, I don't feel that I completely belong here. We're not married yet, and I am just starting to deal with the whole BM drama that everyone else here has already lived through. I come here for advice and understanding, and it is given to me, even though I am not married to him yet. I am made to feel very welcome here, and I know that you will always be extended the same by the terrific people here.

Keep your chin up, and know we're all here to listen and be there for you.

"Life is too short to keep looking back."

ALL of u, ALL OF US belong here!!! if u deal w a significant other's children and ex in any capacity, u belong here. if u have any sort of issues that led u to find us, u belong here. no more worrying about whos in and whos out. some of us went thru this when we first joined bc we were "just the girlfriends". BS!!! even if not legally married, or living w, who cares...u are still dealing w issues. and if u ever get out of that role, u will still have friends here and insight to share w others in this position. just my humble 2 cents, of course

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

Welcome and please stay. This a cathartic environment and whether you are currently stepping or not your contributions and perspective are valuable.

I am sorry to hear about your faltering relationship and hope that it works out as you desire. Whichever way that may be.

Good luck and best regards,

leave us we want you here.
even if it is not a step issue you can always PM someone for advice.
you made friends here keep us!

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

I have been "stepping w/o a paper" and I don't care if skids don't see me as legit and that I am nothing to them. I have had to deal with all their crappy drama, DH's GUILT parentingitis and the BM's crappy drama too, so that makes me a step!

As far as I'm concerned the skids can fall in love with their "new daddy" the slan (half sloth half man) b/c he doesn't make them do any chores and he is MARRIED to the BM now (shudder)

AND May I SECOND the motion of 5teens; FIND A MAN WITH NO CHILDREN!!!! it can be done!!!

Steve good to hear from you. Dani, I'm on this site...and have been for a few years now, and I'm not currently married to my skids dad, but I'm still a step mom and step grandmother, and you've now had the step experience and can help others. Sorry you are going through this...you are very young, in your blog you kept saying what HE wants...what do you want? Ask yourself do you really want to be with someone who's not sure they want you. You deserve more and you will find someone who will give you more. I was 22 when I got involved with my ex and his skids (5) and was 50 when I divorced him. The writing was on the wall from the get go...but I stayed, it was better after we had a child together, but still didn't work...his skids were always FIRST. Good luck!

You know what you want in a relationship, and it doesn't sound like that your partner did. I know it's hard ~ you've invested 4 years of yourself into this all for him to tell you that he "isn't sure what he wants."

I don't know you, but you sound like a sweet person who has got her whole life in front of her. Just because you're not married, doesn't mean that you don't belong. BF and I aren't married, but I've been in SS's life since he was 6 years old. You will still be in a position to offer advice since you've been there and done that. Please stick around, your insight will be appreciated!