Well I had posted about a mth ago that BM crashed our dinner party where we went out of state and I met my FILs for the first time. My FH had already put up boundaries with BM 2 mths before with the help of therapy and things btwn us where great until her little show a month ago. Well FH grew a pair and called BM the next day and told her off. 16 years of frustration and it all came out. She insisted that they were partners and that she should be able to call him 24/7 about every little thing concering a kid that is almost 16 years old (she used to call 25 to 50 times a month and we put a stop to that - email only!). He told her off and she threatened to bring him back to court and he said fine go ahead I would rather pay every penny I have to NEVER speak to you again and he hung up on her. SO in the middle of all this is SD15 who I actually like and think she is a nice kid until now. My FH has been calling her on her cell phone for a month (which he pays for) and the kid has not bothered to return his calls text him or anything. This is a girl that talked to her dad every other day and had a solid relationship with. So in therapy the other day he said how hurt he was that SD is not talking to him and the therapist said well don't worry she will call you when she needs something and the holidays are coming up. He says he is hurt because he doesn't feel like he did anything wrong and that he is sure BM is playing the poor me to SD like I try to be everyone's friend, and I'm so nice to the family I don't know why your father would be mean to me, he was fine before EMA came in to his life, etc., she is that type of sneaky person. Anyways I understand that he is hurt but me personally am pissed that she is being so disrespectful and not calling her dad back. He doesn't give her everything she wants and is not a spoiled brat but he does pay for all the things she wants to do and her private school. I am afraid that when she does call him and they finally talk that he will give in and let her manipulate him. I can just hear her now saying Daddy I don't know why you are so mean to mom you have always talked to her before why don't you guys just talk? Our therapist said he has to tell his kid look I love you and you know that but I am not responsible for your mother I am responsible for you. Sounds great right let's see if he does it. Now instead of BM manipulating him I hope this doesn't start all over again with SD. He said he is fine with it though - I kinda think he is just sick of all the drama and doesn't want to deal with it but who knows
Remind me again
how often do DH & you have custody of SD?
Of course, the longer she is subjected to BMs brainwashing, the more she'll act out against FH.
Your therapist is absolutely right on the money on what your FH SHOULD say to SD, but of course that's easier said than done. And I think you're probably thinking that he won't.
I don't know if there's another answer. I know that personally when my own SDs are subjected to their BMs brainwashing and start playing these same "games" with their phones and don't call their dad or accept his calls (especially on the cell phones which HE pays for) if it were ME- I'd personally like to take the damn things away from them and tell them to have their wonderful BM pay for their phones if they don't want to speak to their father!
But that's just me- I'm a bit of a hardass.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
I guess I'm one too.
Stop paying for the phone. That's immediately what I thought too.
This whole thing reminds me of the Alec Baldwin audio that was going around where he chews out his daughter for not answering her phone. I think he was vilified in the media for it, but anyone who's ever known a BF knows exactly where he's coming from and how fed up he is. I took it as him just actually doing a little parenting and thought "good for him."
Maybe I'm wrong here
but when those tapes were released by Kim Basinger, I actually felt bad...for Alec (and his daughter of course) but mostly for Alec. I immediately thought, "What a bitch to put your personal, private family matters out in the public like that."
Obviously her daughter is manipulated, brainwashed, PAS'd out the wazoo.
And you could hear the sense of utter desperation in his voice. A father who is simply hurt beyond belief that his own daughter would not even answer the phone to talk to him because of all the garbage her own mother put in her head about him. He sounded so utterly crushed. I've HEARD that same tone in my own DHs voice. And it's heartbreaking.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
No, I think you're right.
I totally felt for him when all of that came out.
She'll call when she wants something
Similar circumstances here. She will call either when she wants presents for Christmas or when she has a blow up with BM. It will happen. The annoy part is by the time she does, your FH will be in the stage of guilt and grief where he is totally willing to forget the disrespectful behavior and not say a word about it. That will lead to a relatioship that is manipulated by SD, which is where I'm at. No fun. If I were him, I'd stop paying for the phone. He could just say he thought she must have rec'd a new phone since this one appears not to be working anymore.
Great answer!
"she must have rec'd a new phone since this one appears not to be working anymore."
I love it! The problem is that WE could do it in a heartbeat.
However, dad can't seem to bring himself to do the same.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Out of state
SD and the evil BM live out of state (luckily
) So there really is no set visitation but my FH always coordinated with his kid to see her not the mother.
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