Dh mentioned that Bm called him on Fri. to ask him when we were picking ss up on Sat. Then just the other day, Dh said that there was one more thing that Bm wanted and he just forgot to mention it to me.
Ss is supposed to go to Bm's Fri. after school and stay for the weekend. Bm told Dh that a friend of hers is having surgery on Fri. and Bm didn't know if she could pick ss up at the bus stop in time. Bm wants to know if ss can come here and stay with me. She has no idea what time she will pick him up.
Dh will be out of town from Fri. morning through Sun. sometime so Dh told Bm that it would be up to me.
I don't want to be tied down to waiting here for Bm to pick ss up. I made plans to go out to dinner with my parents. My parent's said that it would be fine to bring ss along.
The only way that I would agree is if it was on my schedule and not hers. However, I'm on the fence as to if I even want to do it at all. I'm really ready from a break from all of the teen angsty crap, ya know?!
If I say no and don't pick ss up at the bus stop, who knows where he will go and then I'll feel bad. Why am I always stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Dawn
Here the question to ask yourself, Dawn
Because our BM ALWAYS does this to us- she's always asking for "favors" when it comes to the kids.
But the question should be...Is it reciprocal?
Can you turn and DH turn to her and ask for a favor and she'll say, "Sure, no problem guys! Always glad to help!"
Because if she's ANYTIHNG like our BM, the answer is always a resounding NO. It's always a one-way street when it comes to BM and her selfish ways. Always for her convenience alone.
Now on to your SS...will she REALLY leave him alone at the bus stop with nowhere to go? I doubt it! She's playing on your sympathies as an easy-out for her.
Look at it this way- if you and DH weren't going to be around AT ALL (if you were both working or out of town) she'd have NO CHOICE but to find SOMEONE ELSE (a friend or neighbor or her relative) to take care of HER SON on HER TIME.
But why should she? She has YOU!
Just my opinion!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
I don't think
that we've ever asked Bm to keep ss when he is supposed to be here. We always just figure things out ourselves.
You're right. We're Bm's easy way out of responsibility.
Dawn
why dont u tell her to pick him up on sat then?
that way, its on YOUR terms, not hers and u wont hav eto wait around for her and cancel your plans PLUS if she doesnt know what time she can get him then hes really not missing out on visiting w her anyway.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Surely
He can be trusted to stay alone one evening at his mom's house, just this once? Or if not, then say no; BM can find alternative childcare herself.
I remain, the world's most evil stepmom; ask anyone.
Here's my question
to you. Why didn't BM ask you for this favor? You are the person it affects. Why did she go through DH. It's a respect thing to me. I have the same issue. BM goes through DH and if I say no it's like saying no to him. Does that make sense? If she wants something from you she should ask YOU!!!
Bm doesn't talk to me,
ever. So her asking me would never happen.
I understand what your saying, though.
Dawn
She takes advantage
If you need a break, you deserve one - tell her you already have plans and she will have to pick up SS or make other arrangements.
You are so sweet I feel she takes advantage of you!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Bm jerked me around again
I was rearranging my schedule for this Fri. to try and fit in picking ss up from the bus stop, the dinner plans and getting him to a dance. Then last night Bm called our house and talked to ss. Miraculously, she now got her live in ex boyfriend to take ss instead of me. She asked ss if he would rather have her ex take him to the dance or me(Dh) and ss said he didn't care!
First of all if he doesn't care, then why the heck do I even try to put myself out!?!! Second, if Bm had her ex as an option, why did she involve me in the first place?
I am so done with all of it. It turned into a huge fight between me and Dh. He couldn't understand why it makes me so mad. He had the nerve to tell me that it was my fault because I took too long to decide. Grrrr! I told Dh that if Bm EVER asked for another favor that involved me, the answer is NO right up front!!
I am going to start disengaging more from ss. I just can't handle this crap!
Dawn
See Dawn, you TRY and be nice!
This is EXACTLY what our BM does to us, too. FIRST, the favor is ALWAYS for her. She ALWAYS asks. It's ALWAYS for her convenience. We're just supposed to bow down to her, drop what we're doing and cater to her needs.
Then, to add insult to injury...NEVER MIND...at the last second, her royal heinASS changes her plans and our services are no longer required.
But only after we've changed our schedules to accomodate her.
This is why it's just better to say NO from the get-go!
Dawn, remember this little motto to save you a lot of grief,
"Fool me once, shame on you- Fool me twice, shame on me."
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
I never want to do Bm
any favors. However, Dh has always put the guilt trip on me that if we do whatever it is, it will benefit ss or ss will be better off here than with her ex, blah, blah, blah. Come to find out, ss didn't really give a rats a$$ whether he was with me or Bm's ex, as long as he got to his dance, so why should I care?
I'm going to try and stand strong and not do any more favors that involve Bm.
Dawn
Good for you
If DH is so hell-bent on making sure that his son is getting to his activities, let HIM shoulder the burden and rearrange HIS schedule to make sure it happens!
I just don't don't get why WE are always the ones (as stepmoms) who have to be the ones to get the kids to all their crap? And then be made to feel guilty about it when it doesn't happen????
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Same thing here
Everything is for the BM's convenience, but if we ask the BM to drop off Junior, etc. "oh no, I can't I have to do (fill in the excuse)"
File under "No good deed goes unpunished"
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