Step Talk

if you are still having doubts then honor your feelings.

this step thing SUCKS for the most part and if he is worried about what his ex will do and not what is best for you and him then GO SLOW!!
many of us here would NOT have gotten involved with a man with kids if we had KNOWN all the pain and trouble it has/does cause.
go with your gut feeling Arianna.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

Amen to that!!

I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but were you involved with bf while he was still with bm? Sorry I don't know your whole story. I read your other posts but couldn't find what that deal was. I mean, if you were, i can see why she's being such a byotch now...not that it's right, you know what I mean, I can just kinda get it.

But if you were with bf after he left bm, she's probably just still p*ssed about the way everythign went down. She sounds like she wants to control him and the kids and everything. And it sounds like she doesn't want him with anyone else, but she doesn't want him either...she's just like the bm in my life. She sounds like a controlling freak.

I'm glad the kids like you and things are going good on that front. You have to understand that bf is afraid of bm because she controls access to the kids, like it or not. He is terrified that he wont' be able to see his kids because bm wants to torture him and you too. So he probably doesn't want to upset her....been there done that, and mine's been divorced for years (but she still tries to control him).

As your relationship becomes more solid though, bm has less power because you will be there to support and back him.

I can't tell you to be nice to bm because she sounds like a bully...and god knows I absolutely hate the troll that gave birth to my H's kids...so I can't tell you to put up with the troll in your life. I would though, go easier on bf. He's kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. When i feel like really giving it to my DH, because he doesn't stand up to bm as much as I need him to, I just remember that I would not be happy w/o him...like, if I got so mad as to end things, I would be miserable. Try to think about that when you want to smack bf upside the head.
Hugs to you.

my DH had broken up w and had BM move out (they were never married) before we started dating but that did not stop her from the hellicious assault she launched on both of us when i moved in last year. they think just bc they had DHs kid(s) that they can run their lives. SICK

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

My declining to meet the kids actually ended up having a "reverse psychology" effect here that I didn't expect!

He drove the kids home (2+ hour round trip). I went out to get a drink and something to eat with my mother, and he tried calling me as soon as he made the exchange, but I never heard my phone. Then he called again and texted, and finally an hour afterward, I looked at my phone and saw the attempted communication, and got back to him, and we got home about the same time.

He stood in front of me and asked me if I still love him and want him, etc. and I said yes, I do. He had this whole massive speech prepared about how he is definitely ready for me to meet the kids, and prepared to deal with the fallout from her. So, apparently, my decision scared him and he thought I was changing my mind about us being together. I also received an apology for all of the times he has admittedly "put her feelings first". I just sat and listened, and then told him that I declined because I wanted it to be his decision, and not mine. I wanted for him to really want this and want me to be there. So, just by doing this one simple thing, I turned every thing around. Wow!

I wasn't having any reservations about being with him and his kids, I was just wanting for it to be his decision to integrate me.

As for why she is such a beotch, well, she was like that before when he was with her. She's very controlling and manipulative. She wants things the way that she wants them, or else. He got very tired of it, as you can imagine, and it was a part of what lead to the demise of their marriage. She does not want him to be with anyone, especially me. She wants to still be in control of him and know what he is doing all of the time. That wears on me. I just don't understand why some of these BM's live their life this way.

She feels I am competition when it comes to her children. How do I know? because the first time I met the kids, and she spoke to him about it, she asked him if I "played Mommy". That told me all that I needed to know. I have no interest in replacing her, and thankfully, I know that I can't be like her!