It's not our weekend to have SD. We had her the past two in a row so this one was to be with her mom. Last night DH and I go to the store, not in the same town she's in. And we had plans to make chicken wings and relax after a hard week. (I love DH's chicken wings)!! On the way home from the store SD 20 calls her dad, so he's on the phone with her and doesn't answer SD14's incoming call. Then my cell goes off. It's SD14. Me: Hey baby whats up?
SD: Daddy needs to call the cops, there's someone speeding up and down our road.
ME: Well your mom will have to do that, your dad doesn't even live in that town anymore.
SD: Okay then, but I hope they'll do something this time. Maybe they'll listen to daddy more than me?
ME: SD, YOU don't call them. Have your mom call them.
SD: Okay, love you bye.
Me to DH, it's going to be one of those nights. So we get home, do our thing, and are relaxing at 11:00 pm. I have a rule, no phone calls to the house past ten unless it's a emergency. The phone rings at 11:00. It's SD14.
SD: I need to talk to Daddy.
ME: What about? It's 11:00.
SD: That boy down the road broke into our house again and stole my moms cigaretts and my game.
ME: Okay, here's your dad.
DH: Now what happened?
SD: blah blah blah blah blah
DH: Okay, look, I don't live there anymore. Tell YOUR MOM to call the cops and handle this. I can't do anything for you right now baby. Don't worry so much, go to bed and call me tomorrow.
SD: blah blah blah
DH: Okay bye baby, love you.
Okay. So now it's done right? Wrong.
ring ring ring.
I answer.
BM: Let me speak to DH
Me: What about?
BM: ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER CRYING HER EYES OUT ABOUT HER GAME GETTING STOLEN.
Me: Well BM there's nothing he can do about this at 11:30 at night. There's no need to disrupt this house at this hour when this is something you can handle. Call us tomorrow and we'll talk about the details.
BM: Click.
Okay, now I'm getting pissed. Enough is enough. Funny how nothing happens dramatic in that house until late at night isn't it?
DH's cell starts ringing. Okay, I'm done now. So of course I answer it ready to kill.
SD: let me speak to my daddy.
ME: Watch your tone. Tell me what's going on now (I hear the officer in the background taking the report)
SD: The cop says he can't do anything about it if he doesn't have the serial number of my game system, do yall still have that?
ME: No baby, it's been over a year and we didn't keep that paperwork. So your mom did call the cops because I hear them in the back, that's good.
SD: Well DADDY needs to do something about this.
ME: What can your DADDY do about it this late at night?
SD: Come over here and beat the crap out of the boy that did it.
ME: Then daddy will be in jail and we don't want that do we?
DH is beside me and tells me to tell her enough and get off the phone with her. And make sure I tell her not to call back tonight.
ME: SD, look, this is not a emergency. I love you, but it's time for bed. Please go to bed and don't call back tonight. If something happens and you need us please call, but not over this okay?
SD: Click.
WTF??????????????
If she didn't live thirty minutes away I would have driven over there and beat her little butt! After all the things I do for that girl.....I just can't beleive it.
Oh, and the whole time I'm on the phone with SD you can hear BM in the back saying "Don't talk to that bitch, she aint going to help you and neather is your worthless father"!
Good lord man.
I'm so sick of the crazyness. DH asked me this morning if I was going to post about it today on here. I said yep and I bet the girls will be proud of you for not hopping on the phone! LOL!
I guess my main question is this.
I know SD needs to be punished over the lack of respect. I'm not having that. So next time she comes over not only is she getting her butt chewed out by yours truley, she also needs something else. I'm thinking about making her stay in her room for a couple of hours, or writing me a apology letter for not only breaking the house rules of the late phone call, but the disrespect of hanging up the phone on me.
What do you guys think is fair for that?
Honestly, I don't think its
Honestly, I don't think its SD's fault at all. Sounds to me like she was just doing what her mom was telling her, and I don't think its fair to punish her for that.
Just because you CAN give birth, doesn't mean you SHOULD
I agree. Melis
Sounds like BM purposefully scared the begeebers out of her, and probably blew the ENTIRE event totally out of proportion.
Honestly, if BMs out-of-control and demanding a 14-yr-old to call your DH, what young kid has the intestinal fortitude to stand up to her BM and say, "No, mom I'm not going to do that- it's inappropriate."
Our BM does the same thing to our SDs- DEMANDS they call their father to "fix things" right away on weekends when she has them.
It's ridiculous. But what is a kid to do when the BM is out of her mind and the kid is guilted and scared?
I'd say have a heart-to-heart with SD and tell her that she should not be surprised in the future if you and her dad do not answer the phones after a certain hour and that when she's at her mom's house, her BM is going to have to deal with all situations. And if she's not happy with that, she can always consider coming to live with you and her father full time. At 14, a judge will take into consideration her mother's unstable emotional health.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
yeah im guessing BM was behind all that
dont u think BM just LOVED that your nite at home was being ruined, especially at that hour?? and she used SD to accomplish it. what a horrendous bitch. at any rate, i doubt its the kid's fault and why didnt DH talk to her himself? why did U have to handle it?
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Usually I would
agree that this was all BM's doing. She was the cause of it all, I know that. But for SD to hang up the phone on me is what really gets me. I've always been there for her through all her mom's crazy behavior. I just expected more from her.......and she will know it next time I see her.
I love her to death, sometimes she shocks me back into reality though. Why did I ever think I was anything more to her than a stepping stone? I am after all, her step mother.
dont be too hard on her
she probably hung up on you to appease bm...... Just be frank with her and tell her that bm present or not, she needs to be respectful.
we're always last place
no matter what it seems
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Keep in mind she was upset, her mother is a whack job and ......
the police were in her house after the delinquent down the street broke in and stole her treasured game system. You may want to cut her a bit of slack on the punishment.
I also agree with the sentiment that this is not SD14's fault it is whack job XW's fault. Great neighborhood she chose to live in by the way.
Your DH did a great job. I would have liked to see him be the one to have the direct conversation with SD14 and the XWBM but that will come with time. It sounds to me that he is making progress in reacquiring his stones from the XW and the SDs.
Good luck and best regards,
But still
I agree that SD should still be held accountable. Unfortunately I did tell my own mom a few things at even younger ages than that! and she needs support in standing up to her mom if her mom is leading her to do something against SD's best interest. Like disrespecting your elders who you need help from!
If she is excused for 'doing what her mom wants', things will just grow proportionally. I have seen this with our SD. But really it was the SD's decision to hang up on her SM and continue to press after her dad's decision was made. So I think she should be talked to about it at minimum.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Ummm.. I would say tell her
Ummm.. I would say tell her your expectations of how she should address both you, your dh and adults... then have her write an apology letter.. While I do think it was the mom riling her up, I do not think its an excuse for bad behavior.
Demand respect. She clearly needs to learn it from you guys.. she is not getting that lesson at home.
At 14 she's old enough to decide not to play into BM's drama
Looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She's old enough to:
1. Let BM handle it
2. Treat you with respect
3. KNow the difference between emergency and non-emergency
A few weeks back SD10 called BF about "someone's car in our driveway and he won't move it"
I think a lot of times, these SDs want to see their dads in "defender" and "protector" mode. And the BM often orchestrates it.
SD: (this is the child who only calls when she wants something; has been taught by BM to be incredibly aloof. she was "daddy's girl" before the separation)
"Dad, there's a white car in our driveway and he won't move it" (this is around the time when BM is getting married to her livein halfman halfsloth)
BF: "ok well, what does your mom say?"
SD: "she said it's the landlord's car"
Bf: "well have your mom call the landlord and ask him to move it."
SD: "o-kaaaaaay"
Then a drama laden call about the same subject from youngest SS5, Junior
Junior: incoherent garbling "white car and it won't move"
BF: "put mommy on the phone"
Junior: click
Then oldest SS reported later that it was the landlord and mom says if he doesn't move it from the driveway this instant, she'll call the police (nice way to treat the landlord, i'd evict her behind if i was him)
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