Step Talk

like the sd? does she have a psycho BM? I am sad for you that you do not like her and that ya'll can't all be together as a family. I love my ss and could not imagine vacating my home every other weekend or when he is here. Does your husband allow her to disrespect yall? All I can say is if she is 5 she is a product of the environment she is around the most.

I COMPLETELY understand what you're going through. I have 2 BD who are with me and my DH all the time. Sweet, easy going kids and a peaceful home life. My SD's come EOW for 7 days. So I get 7 days of peace, and 7 days of argumentative, mean spirited chaos. This has gone on for the last 3 years. Love my kids, love my Dh and love the SK's, I just don't like them very much most of the time.

I call the Friday they come, "Black Friday", would want to hide in my room or take my children and run while I was waiting for it to get better. It doesn't. So here's what I've learned to do:

First, enjoy your time WITHOUT the SK. I'm an awesome person, wife and mom when I'm less stressed and I do whatever I can to enjoy that on the "off" week.

Second, realize it's temporary and she's not your kid. This took me a long time esp considering they're all girls at my house. I kept expecting his kids to act like my kids, his kids to behave like my kids. They can't and they're not going to. They spend half the time in a different (and lesser for many reasons) environment. My kids are like me- I "get" them and they "get" me. This cannot be true of my SD's who are just like their crazy mother. I am not their mom and I never will be- ever. No amount of trying to force them into my mold will do that and in fact, the more I try, the less chance there will be any sort of relationship at all.

Get your DH involved in her time with you. It's not fair for you to want to leave your own house and won't work long term.

Venting helps a ton too!

That is SUPER! I"m going to have to adopt that one!

I feel like you are famous because of your post that has like 500 responses - I think it is a ST record, don't you think, Dawn? I can relate so much but it is sad - just hang on, they have GOT to grow up sometime, or at least move out!!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

Never thought of it like that! HA! HA! Kinda cool. I was just more amazed to know that I wasn't alone. Let me see if I can answer everything that has been asked thus far.
-Do my kids like the sd? My 6 year old likes everyone. My older daughter isn't a fan.
-Does she have a psycho BM? Psycho doesn't even BEGIN to cover it!!!! This woman is a catastrophic disaster. She will stop at nothing to make me miserable, and 4 years later, she still whines to my husband about her pathetic life. It's really sad.

"Black Friday" is definitely a term I am going to adopt. I managed to get through another weekend without seeing her. However, it does take a toll on my life to have to rearrange my schedule like that all the time. I've been doing it for 2 years now.

One more thing...what does "DH" mean? I'm assuming it's meant for my husband, but I can't think of what those letters would stand for.

Thanks Most Evil, I was wondering the same thing, but I much prefer for it to stand for dck head.
Kitn76, I know how you feel. I do dread the skids coming EOW, the house is so chaiotic when they are with us. I don't leave the house for the whole weekend but if I can get out for a few hours to stay sane I do.
Have you spoken to your hubby on how you feel and why you leave the house?
I don't know your full back ground on your situation with SD but would it be appropriate to talk to her (I'm not sure how old she is).

I hope it starts to get better for you soon, cause it's a horrible feeling to not want to go to home.

*BIG HUGS*

*Searching for the light at the end of the tunnel*

I think one of the saddest things in your situation has to be the fact that your SD is only 6 yrs old (or almost 7). Is that right?

I was trying to go back and read some of your old postings, but because of the "snafu" with the site, a lot of the were lost, so I'm trying to figure out what exaclty caused this high level of animosity you have toward SD?

Dont' get me wrong- I am NOT judging you in any way. But I am sad and concerned for you, because if it is at this high level at this early age, I can't begin to imagine how things will be when she hits the pre-teen or teenage years!

Trust me, I know, because this is where I am now. I actually LIKED my SD when she was 11 (when I first came into the picture). She was the one out of the three SDs I got along with BEST in the beginning. Now, at age 16, I have NO RELATIONSHIP with her. I am exactly where you are with your SD. The drama and upheaval she causes in our lives actually causes me to becomes physically sick from the stress (migraines, anxiety issues, eye tics). My DH and I fight CONSTANTLY about only her. She and her issues are tearing our marriage apart.

But enough about me. What, if anything, is your DH doing to help the situation? Or, is he more like mine, head in the sand, thinking his "Little Princess" is just perfect and can do no wrong and it's pretty much "my problem"? We fought that battle for a long 4 years until he finally got his head out of his a$$ and admitted that "Yes, maybe she DOES have signifigant issues".
(WOW! YA THINK?)

Again, I am concerned about YOU. Because I know the toll this takes on a person's heart, head, body and soul. I can at the very least know that in under 2 years she's out of the house and off to college, so at least I don't have to deal with her on such a constant basis (50% custody). But you have such a long road ahead. This is not so easy for you if you cannot "stand" her at this point.

Somehing has to change and change for you NOW!

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

I am ok with my future stepkids although I get irritated a day before they are here it feels like an intrusion almost.
I wonder if I will ever get past that??
try to find something to take your mind off of it.
a journal writing out your feelings then you can tear it up or burn it.
wont solve much but it is theraputic.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

Sometimes I would like to do him in but that is just the teen thing.

He struggles with some of the character traits he inherited from Bio-Dad but over all he is a well behaved, respectful, good kid.

I have never regretted having him in my (our) home or dreaded coming home because he was going to be there. I guess that is the difference between being the EOW visitation home and being his custodial home.

We have to detox him when he returns from 3x per year SpermTime but over all "normal" for him is our home and not the crazy crap that is normal in SpermWorld. But, even detox is just a lot of "Excuse me!" statements with associated glares when he goes in to smart ass post visitation behaviors.

Anyway, I hope those of you who struggle with manipulative miserable Skid visitation start to the see the light at the end of the tunnel soon. And the light is the sun and not an oncoming train.

Good luck and best regards,

SB and ST - I would like the answer to that question as well. I absolutely dread the weekends we have the girls. Well SD, I should say - the older SD hasn't come over in a month due to her refusal to apologize to me for something she did in SEPT.
I feel so guilty but I can't help it - they completely destroy my house and I view it as such a burden and an intrusion to have them there. I wish I felt differently but I don't.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin