Step Talk

This is my first post and I've read a lot of similar situations, but I want to know if I am making the right final decision to divorce. This reads like a soap opera and sorry its so long.

I met my wife when we worked in the same medical office. She was quiet, shy and beautiful. We were able to talk about our job, the boss, patients, and her boyfriend situation a lot since our office wasn't busy. She was a medical assistant with a high school education and a one year medical assistant degree. I found out she had a 7 year old child and she gave birth at 16 years old and lived with the father of the child in the poorest neighborhood on the island.

She explained her boyfriend was always drinking, spent money like water and they were broke and in debt. She wanted out. I was a Rad Tech with 4 year degree and 2 year secondary degree. She wanted to move out, but had no car or place to live. We talked often and started dating after 3 months on the job. She used her ex-boyfriend's car to meet me and we became intimate.

She moved out into her half-brother's apartment and she did not tell her brother about me. As we got closer I found out that she was in debt for cell phone, credit cards, etc. She stated her ex put them all in her name since he was bankrupt at 25 years old and she was only 24 to my 34.

I called all her debtors and worked out a payment system and I paid off 2 of her debts, but set a plan for her to pay me back every 2 weeks with no interest. I told her I couldn't "save" her, but would help her and this would hopefully learn this way and it wouldn't be an unhealthy relationship.

I suggested she get a "beater" car, but she went out without telling me and bought a used Jetta with 19% interest! She couldn't afford the car insurance and eventually hit a curb and bent the front chasis. This is when I found out she had no insurance. I worked it out with the insurance, we got it fixed and I had to sell it to save her from paying 4x the worth in 20 years!

Eventually, she moved in with me and introduced me to her 7 year old son who was already overweight.

Things were ok at this time and we worked together as a family and I loved coming home to girlfriend and her son. I spent time with him exercising, working hard on his homework and taking him on a trip to NY to visit NYC at Xmas.

Fast forward 7 years(both now in different jobs) with one break up where she moved out because I felt she was taking me for granted and she needed to learn what it was to live on her own and pay bills and raise her son without my constant help. She called me after a year to get back together and at this time I bought a large 5 bedroom house.

She and her son moved into the house and things were good again and we became engaged. Once again, she was in debt for 2 credit cards for $2k each, which I paid off. I bought her a new SUV which she loved.

At this time her son, was 13 and she was not checking his schoolwork and I didn't because he complained I was too tough. She didn't go to any parent teacher conferences either. I asked her to help out with chores and being proud of the house, but she said I nagged her and that made her not want to do it. So I made a board, "honey to do list." If she didn't do them, I'd do them. I hired a house cleaner for us since she worked 6 days a week. (2 1/2 days). She just watched reality tv and her son did too. She would work on her myspace site and I would go upstairs and read.

We were married in my hopes that she would have her son respect me and appreciate the house. Now my stepson continued to lie, cheat and break things. One time when I was on a business trip I told him not to go into my office. Not only did he go into my office, but he took an iron and melted my office chair and rug!! BM, wife, did nothing but ask him why. He pulled plants out of the garden, totally disregarded statements not to do something and he'd do it in less than 12hours. He took food that was not to be touched and we found in his room after he said he didn't take.

I was confused, since I coached my SS in sports taking him to practice 3x a week and games on Sundays. I took him fishing on our bikes down the road often and taught him how to cast and take the fish off the hook. We went to the beach just us two, but when it was time to live together he hated me and disrespected me at the dinner table without his mom saying anything. I would tell her and she said, I was too fast to tell him and she would have said something. Any discipline I stated, she would overide and give him less. When I waited for her to notice disrespect and gave her the eye she still didn't do anything. I even told her in a way she would maybe understand, I said, "everytime your son disrespects me I die deep down inside and it kills me." She changed for a week and then the same.

Her personality is a quiet, loving, person, but she is so introverted that she doesn't have any friends but her family. She only feels comfortable at their house parties, which is full of drinking and letting the kids run around. Her 3 sisters are just barely surviving and their husbands just bareley make ends meet. Her half brother is in and out of work and he married a woman with 3 children and live in a scary apartment.

At this point I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Its her and my SS against me. She says I am controling and she doesn't make decisions. I can be strong willed, but I have become a shell of a man, not checking my SS's homework, I don't care that he is 5'3" and 175 lbs, that he is getting in trouble at school and with his cousins. I tried not to be as strong willed and just go up to my room while she watches reality tv and he plays video games.

The straw that broke the camel's back was when my SS came over to the couch I was laying on and he took the pillows I had my head on and the fan that was blowing on me and put it by him, then he took a blanket from under me and pulled it where I almost fell on the floor. I was dumbfounded?! I told her that his disrepect couldn't be tolerated and he should live with his father, which he has wanted since he was 9. I knew she couldn't separate from her son, so now it looks like we will get a divorce.

Have I been too quick on this statement. There is so much more I could write, we've been to counseling before, but she doesn't want to go again. Question, should I move on at 40 years old?

Oh, and yes, I pay for most things, she makes 30K, I make 150K and the BF give less than $150.00 which I told her to save for SS