Gals...I've moved out, and moved in with a girlfriend/co-worker for 3wks now.........
I dont think that i can do this anymore, too many issues:
*i went from single mom of 1 for 17yrs to married w/ 4step kids and his exwife from hell
*Community property still not settled 2 1/2 yrs since their divorce.
*The fact that he wants me to be super step mom, at every event, every moment, and doesnt understand that it is exhausting for me and i dont feel that i have to be at each and every event, i work fulltime and started my own co. at the beginning of the yr..................and all 4 SK are in sports yr round.
*My DH and my only son do not get along and therefore it is effecting my relationship with my son that i've raised alone for 17 yrs.
When talking / fighting with my husband he tells me that it is ME , that I am the only step mom that has issues with any of the above.......
HELP- I'm at the pt where, he is begging for me to come home, and says he will do whatever it takes.........but i am reluctant and dont think that we can make it,I dont think that I will make it..... ...there is too much damage and its only year 1.
have y'all tried counseling?
i think youve answered this before but maybe if u go it will help him see that he is putting unfair and unrealistic expectations on u.
OR maybe it will help u see that married life and helping to raise someone else's kids is not for u.
either way, if hes willing to do whatever it takes, u have to decide if its worth it.
big hugs! hang in there...youll figure it out
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
i agree with bella
Counseling might help out. And if he is willing to do whatever then you can give it a try.Good luck and hugs!!
Bella beat me to the punch
I agree completely with bella's post. i'm sure this man loves you but is he feeling the crunch of you not being there - is this an eye opener for him about how much you do for the skids? I'm sure in your mind this is not what you signed up for. I was a single mom for a long time and blending families are hard. I once went out with a guy that had 4 kids and we moved in together for a few months and I almost lost my god damn mind so I broke up with him - I swear I was ready to go on drugs then I thought why the hell should I put myself through this what am I getting out of it? I was fine before the circus came. After it just being myself and my son for so long and dating guys that were either single or had 1 kid I could not put up with the traveling circus and my instant role of supposed super mom. If I wanted 5 kids I would have popped em out myself. Ask yourself though if YOU really want to go to counseling. What is so great about the relationship that would make you go back. Are the problems that your son is having with your FH only or with the skids as well? I would stay where you are at for now and don't throw yourself back in to that mess until you really know what you want to do. Take care of yourself and YOUR son (unless he is being an absolute brat - and I can say that because I thought my son was an angel for a long time and when he turned 17 boy did I get my eyes opened) And of course let me add my steptalk disclaimer "Of course this is only my opinion and only my opinion and not the opinion of steptalk - LOL"
Big cyber hugs to you g/f. You sound like you have accomplished so much for yourself don't throw that away on people that don't appreciate you.
Listen to yourself
I think when we take the time to do that we usually make the right decision. I pulled the plug with my ex after just 7 months... he realized his easy ride was riding off and he had the same "I'll do whatever it takes" story. If the fundementals of the relationship make you happy then counseling together might help, but if they don't there's probably not much point. It's hard to do with such a short term marriage - you wonder what people will think, you judge yourself and wonder if you tried hard enough. None of those issues matter - yes, you did try hard enough and the people who really care about you (who are the only ones whose opinions should really matter in the long run) just want you to be happy. I was so afraid to tell my friends I was getting divorced but once I did every single one of them was nothing but relieved and happy for me.
Good luck.
When you hold a gun to someone's head
they dance. That is what is happening right now. You've decided to remove yourself from the situation and now the DH dancing begins! I went thru this with an abusive marriage. . .twice. When I had had enough and separated myself, it was all wine and flowers. The second I got back, I got the same horrible treatment as before only worse.
Counseling could work if you get a good counselor that will let him know he is guilt parenting. I feel the same way. I went from being a single mom with one 17 yr old son (my older daughter was on her own by then) to a step mom with three HORRENDOUSLY behaved skids! To this day BF thinks they are little angels. My own bio daughter told me that when she laid eyes on them she was thinking "isn't anyone going to slap these hellions and put them in their place?"
To any onlooker they are out of control 80% of the time and spoiled BEYOND BELIEF! It's been 4 years and at times I thought a year ago that BF had an epiphany when vindictive BM and skids got together and lied to CPS *our BM works for CPS in her county, btw so that is a REAL treat!*
I was wrong and he almost immediately resumed guilt parenting. So if you have to get out, I'd say get out now if counseling doesn't work as a last ditch effort to get rid of the guilt parenting
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