It's been a while and yes, I'm still around. BF and I had some very long, very serious talks this summer and things are amazing! However, with that said, I'm now being faced with a new challenge that I need your help with.
BF kicked SD16 out of the house in May due to her behaviour towards me specifically and the rest of the household in general. She also was repeatedly lying, etc etc. BF felt he had no choice but to send her to X1 for the summer and what I hoped would be this entire school year. Well, that isn't happening. She will be "visiting" us this weekend and wants to move back in on a full time basis. I am totally against this but have decided to give her a second chance. However, I am going to type up a contract of rules that she is to abide by while with us. BF has agreed to read and negotiate with me to come up with a livable list of do's and don'ts.
Could you all give me your ideas on what should be included? And some ideas for punishment should they be broken? So far I have:
I will be respectful and polite to everyone in the house.
I will not steal items in the house or out of the vehicles that do not belong to me.
I will attend school Monday-Friday during the scheduled time.
I will complete chores that I am asked to do without attitude or badmouthing.
I will shower daily and maintain a hairstyle that is presentable.
I will hold a part-time job after school of at least 10 work hours.
I will be honest when asked where I've been and who I've been with.
I will
I will not question or argue with parents (Dad & SM) about their parenting, rules, punishments.
A couple of the issues in our house...
I will complete homework before any leisure activities.
I will accept the consequences/punishment for breaking any house rule
If a one time exception to any rule is granted it does not mean that exception is to be expected in the future.
As for punishment, I think unfortunately with teenagers in particular you kind of have to hit them where it will hurt - take away some activity or item that is important to them. I don't really like using chores as punishment because I want them to see helping around the house as a potentially positive thing - if it's also a punishment then they seem to come back with "what am I in trouble for" when I ask them to do something. In my case (especially with the 15 year old) it is very important to be very clear up front what the punishment will be if an expected goal is not met, i.e. "you need to take a shower and if I have to remind you again you lose an hour of computer time". If I just pop in with "I've asked you 3 times and you still haven't taken a shower so now you've lost an hour of computer time" it REALLY doesn't go well.
Good luck!
We limit cell time and hanging out with/having over friends
That is the only thing that works. They get pissed of, but that is just too bad. They get it. I agree about being clear. You have to be so clear that it is kindergarten simple or they will act as if they didn't get what you meant and deem you unfair.
Good luck House of 8! At least you have Dh on your side. That makes all of the difference in the world.
Georgie
That's a pretty good list.
Just make sure that you have covered everything that you currently have or in the past have had problems with. You may even do a few future things, but they are a bit harder to figure and guage.
A big one for me is no company when dad and I are not home. This rule actually flows into my no one in and no one out rule. If DH and I need to be out, I don't want the kids wandering the neighborhood (almost 12 & 13) and I don't want their friends over or even hanging on the front porch unsupervised.
Did you have that the bedroom must be kept neat and orderly?
With teenagers the consequences need to be loss of cell phone, stereo, ipod, computer time, video games and my favorite no leisure activities. I also require that the things that they are responsible for be completed BEFORE they even think about anything else. Works great in my house, but then again they have been doing these rules for a minute now. The best thing is that when they have been invited to go to the movies or a party or something, they make sure they handle their chores before even asking. I don't work on the I.O.U. principle meaning that they can not bargain to do it later. I don't feed them on the I.O.U. policy and therefore my house should not have to be cleaned on one either.
Step Mother's Motto this week is:
You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.
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