Step Talk

They are probably all over the pms websites!

Glad to meet-cha! As a divorced/remarried BM myself I will be happy to post this here. My Ex and I mutually agreed to have the kids live in his home(at the time of divorce, it was the family home, he has sense moved out of that state) the majority of the time, he makes good money, and supports them really well, and I think because we have no financial ties to one another we get along ALOT better , getting to live our own lives, and "share" our children. It took alot, but it is working well for us. My worries include some of the following: My Ex is single, and he has had some real "live ones" for girlfriends, one he hooked up with 1 month after we split, he admitts he used her out of lonliness, and my kids did not like her son, and she wanted to move in right away, and wanter my ex to marry her, she even went to our divorce finalization in court, just to see it happen! After her was a real winner. We'll call her K. K, did move in w/ him 2 months after being w/ him, and also her with her son who was a year older than my daughter at the time. She was nuts, ....K would "mother my kids right in front of me, and make me feel like the visitor. Example...kissing my kids hi & bye like they were her babies, throwing out all the clothing I had bought them, and dressing them how she wanted. Taking my daughter to "take your daughter to work day" without telling me, or seeing if I wanted to, walking around all the time w/ a t-shirt w/ their pictures on it...that she bought for herself. Throwing "digs " at me in front of my kids, listening in on phone calls that I had w/ my daughter. Cutting their hair, taking them on long vacation trips that messed up my visitation, and talking bad about me! JUST TO NAME A FEW! K is lucky to be alive. My Ex ditched her after she started getting "psyco-controlling" on him, and was pushing for marraige. So now he is single, and has SAID he learned a lesson.....I still worry about what will come along next. What knots my stomaches is how hard it is sometimes to put on a smile face everyday when they are not here, and try as hard as I know how to accept this situation, and do what is best for them. Communicating with my Ex has gotton better, especially w/o K around, but it is forever an effort. I don't want to say the wrong things, and always take a positive approach. My Ex some times likes to bring up "the past", he says he still cares and stuff, but I avoid that topic like the plauge! A cloud that lingers over me now, is the future, my kids are 10&13, so still a way to go till their grown, and I hope all the time that my Ex and I can keep up our little "circle game" of raising the kids with positive additudes, and no drama. I pray for it every day. So yeah, as a BM that is some of what goes on in my head. I do hope my Ex settles down some day w/ some one who brings some thing really great to his, and my kids lives. I welcome it. There is no reason for animosity! I'm just a BM, and a SM trying to make it!"~waiting on the world to change~"

It is hard for BM to not have control. Putting wedges does not help either team. My SS saw his mom act two faced and it drove him crazy. Kids know the acts the parents put on.
When two people joing households, both sides do have to have control. If it is your house you get control, there a no two ways around it. If it is not your house, you do not get control.
To be a good SM you do have to have the ability to dress and take care of the Skids.
These kids need peace at both places the drama is over.

My DH's Ex wife has shown me time and time again what Not to do as a BM. There are some really great women out there, and they make excellent Smom's. I hope my Ex will meet one soon. :)"~waiting on the world to change~"

for women to understand and appreciate the role of a stepmom in their childs lives instead of trying to sabatouge it.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

to know what goes on in that twisted head of BM's....than again maybe not! HAHAHA

In our BM's ....I picture a mini tornado inside her head that has alot of green around the outside, and the inside is full of all the "7 deadly sins""~waiting on the world to change~"

And my sons have a wonderful SM. We don't always agree, but we have become friends. I'm attending her oldest daughter's baby shower in a few weeks.

We have had rough spots, but we always either talk them out or drop them. I stopped sharing a lot with her in email about my SD because SM and my exH fight about her kids' mental health (her ex is BP and his son had a few bad episodes, but she refuses to believe he could have it too.) She pretty much attacked me for my opinion about SD a few months ago. So I let it go as a topic I can discuss with my exH, but not his wife.

As a BM I never felt the need to go to a site to vent because I had it pretty good. And in my case SD's BM would NEVER trust anyone online to share anything with, because she doesn't trust anyone anyway (she's super paranoid.)

I do get a BM perspective from a friend of mine who has a daughter from an idiot of an exH who I have posted about on here before. This guy used to make my friend pack her daughter food to take over, because he considered his CS his only financial contribution and didn't think feeding his kid at his house was his responsibility. It gets far worse.

So I sometimes hear things she says (she said her daughter's SM tries to take over, and locks up the pantry - ummmm...I'm sure my SD's BM could make those claims about me. The difference is, my friend has full custody, and her daughter doesn't have food binging/hoarding issues. So in that case the SM only has the daughter half the summer, and some holidays, so she doesn't need to feel she can cut/color/ her hair, or change her diet, etc.

Anyway, it would be interesting to take a peek at the other side. Although I have lived it myself as well.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

lets google "my ex's new wife is a bitch" and see what we get! im sure many have and thats pretty much how they see us. or we coudl try "how to ruin the father of ur child(ren) and his new wife and family" or "how to hate ur ex more than u love ur kids" "i hate my ex's new wife" any takers???

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

color me shocked:

from google:
No results found for "I hate my ex husbands new wife".

from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.

http://www.google.com/search?source=ig&hl=en&rlz=1G1GGLQ_ENUS289&q=ex-hu...

good job dearie!

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

now that is a really scary thought ..... a big balck hole! i dont know! even thinking about it gives me the chills!
What eva the woman say's or does is just a mystrey!

Any letter that starts Dear Dickface has got to be good.

http://www.divorcesource.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=445187...

Thanks Crayon and Karma Queen - those were great Google results. I needed a little boost and reading that stuff gave me some perspective.

Ugh, one day I am gonna have to frickin' meet her. I just don't wanna do it!!!!! It's going to be so awkward. I won't know what to do with myself. This is "their" element. Her turf. What the hell am I going to do? ugh.

can I have a hall pass, please? lol