Ss was acting kind of fishy this morning. I was on the computer and I heard him doing something but I figured it was nothing. Then his friend came over to hitch a ride with us to the bus stop.
As we were getting ready to go out the door, ss kept saying that he felt like he was forgetting something and him and his friend went back into his bedroom. I told them that we needed to go. I went out the door first and started to get into the car. Ss came out next and closed the door. I asked where his friend was. Ss said his friend had to throw something away. Hmmm, ok.
I took them to the bus stop and dropped them off. I don't stay there because they're in Jr. High now and don't want to be "watched". Sometimes I go to the bank or the post office after I drop them off. Sometimes I just make a big circle and drive past the bus stop after 5 or 10 min. to make sure the bus picked up.
Well, I guess ss never really noticed my ritual because when I drove past today, I could of sworn that I saw ipod ear buds hanging out of his ears. He has an ipod but is not allowed to take it to school because he has trouble keeping track of his things and ipods are hot items for kids to steal. Now if he would have discussed the possibility of him taking it because he thinks he is more responsible now, then the end of this story may have been different.
I turned my car around and drove past again to make sure what I saw was true. Sure enough it was!! I whipped my car up to the bus stop. By this time ss had seen me and was trying to hide his ipod in the palm of his hand. Too late!! Busted!!! I rolled down my window, stuck my hand out, said give it, rolled my window up and left. He stood there with a shocked look on his face and I'm sure all of the 7th grade girls at the bus stop made fun of him after I left.
Previously, ss has had a problem with lying and being sneaky. He doesn't like the fact that we told him that we can't trust him and have to assume when something doesn't make sense he's usually lying. He acts like he's the victim and that we're the bad guys. We told him that at this point he has to earn our trust back.. Um....yeah, he's doing a really good job of it!! I also think that his friend had a hand in helping ss get the ipod out of the house. That friend may be finding another ride to the bus stop tomorrow. Grrr!
Dawn
Good For You !
You don't have to be a BM to have that motherly intuition. My BD is in the 8th grade and tries some of the same stuff, sad I can see right thru her. The school that my kids go to don't allow electronics in school or on the bus, because of just that - stealing and of course the distraction. I'm suprised that yours can even have them on the bus.
Even if friend did eg it on, regardless, SS is responsible.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
lol dawn!
kids will be kids i guess. thats funny that u busted him rite in front of everyone! im sure HE wont see it that way, but lesson learned im sure!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I love it
I love it when they are caught with their hand in the cookie jar. There is no room to debate the issue then. I have caught my SS in many compromising situations. You'd think that he would just give up on the dream of slipping one past me. They are amazed and think I'm psychic when I can tell them about something that they thought I had no clue about. That's one of the joys of being a parent for me. Lol!
Step Mother's Motto this week is:
You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.
I've been
accused of being psychic by ss too. That's too funny!
There has to be some way to use our powers for good and make some big bucks!
Dawn
Ha..
You know the WORST part about it? He could take it to school if only you could rely on him not losing it.
I've told you a thousand times your SS and my BS12 are so much alike. My son no longer has his cell phone or his MP3...he left them in his jeans and his dad and stepdad washed them(on two separate occasions)...because unlike his mother who KNOWS to check his pockets.
IF they would only be responsible...then we would let them do it ALL.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
no no CG
we just like to ruin their lives and take away all their fun stuff, ya know?! we would never actually trust them w anything...(in their little minds of course!)
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
They just amaze you, don't they?
Sometimes I think our children THINK we wait around all day just WAITING for them to screw up so we can catch them in the act!
Little do they know, that we don't NEED to wait- they just lead us right to it most of the times through their sheer stupidity and "I know better than my parents" mentality
My son did the same thing last year with his IPod. Took it to school when I specifically told him not to. And it was stolen. After three months without it, we got him another one, but ONLY after HE paid for 1/2 of it and worked off the other 1/2 in heavy-duty chores.
When he finally got the replacement IPod, guess what he did on the FIRST day he got it??? You guessed it- snuck it out of the house and took it to school! (Can you say brain damage?)
I was waiting for him when he got home. As calm as I could, I told him, "IPod on the counter, please. You have now lost it for 30 days. Would you like a snack, sweetheart?"
You would have thought I gave hime a prison sentence for a year!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Yep
His Ipod is now on my dresser. He has a $200 Ipod that he has been buying songs for left and right. He got an Itunes card for his birthday from my brother and siser-in-law. Some kid would just love to steal that from him.
Hmm, that gives me an idea. I should use his Ipod while it's confiscated. He has some pretty good songs on it. Hey, maybe I could let him borrow my pink Ipod Shuffle to use at the bus stop.hehe
Oh, never mind. I just remembered that he doesn't like to clean his ears. So gross! Does anybody have that issue?
Dawn
that's funny
hahaha
LOL - that's funny !
Wanna know the worst part of it...I just think back to when I was that age and then expect my kids to do the same thing I would....Course if never worked - my mom was psycic too.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
I can just imagine the look on his face
when you pulled up. It makes me giggle :)Thankfully, it was only an ipod and mnot something worse. When I first started reading your post I was afraid that you had caught him with something a little more serious.
Georgie
I too have been accused of being pyscho...
Oh, hang on, thats different. Never mind.
My BS and BD have both been through this sneaky stage. What worked well with them (better on BD than BS) was 'Trust tests'.
I pointed out to them that they had broken my trust by lying to me, and they had to earn it back.
Each time I said yes to them asking to go out or be trusted in some other way, I would point out that this was a trust test, and if they let me down we would go back to square one.
Each successful trust test meant they would be trusted a little more. Each failed trust test (like they weren't where they said they would be, they lied or they were late) meant they went back a few steps (earlier curfews etc).
I'd like to say it worked in a week, but truthfully, it probably took them almost a year to 'get it'. But we got there in the end. My daughter has not been late home, or lied to me about where she is for about 3 years. It feels good to trust.
You softies!
Ha! Lets talk consequences. We went through the escalating consequences stage (over and over and over) with my now 16yo SS.
What finally worked the best was the TOWER. The TOWER was an empty room in our home with a heinously uncomfortable antique wooden school desk (With the right side half writing top and an ink well), a pencil, pencil sharpener and a very thick writing tablet. When SS would lie, cheat, steal or bring home a bad report card it was the TOWER. Every free moment for the entire TOWER sentence. If he brought home a bad grade on a progress report or report card he was in the TOWER at least until the next official grade report or progress report with 100% acceptable grades. 6weeks is a long time to spend every free moment in the TOWER writing sentences. All weekend, after school and sports with only 15minutes off for meals with the family. The TOWER does two things, it is a consequence and it removes the aggravating presence of the rebellious kid from the rest of the family. It gives Mom, Dad and siblings a break from the stress of the trouble maker.
While in the TOWER he wrote sentences. Thousands and thousands of sentences. I will do my homework and turn it in on time. I will not lie, cheat, steal or tolerate those who do. Etc, etc, etc ...........
I timed how many sentences he could comfortably write in an hour, added 40 and set the quota. If he missed one sentence for the duration of the sentence he served another hour, day, week, whatever got his attention. If one sentence was not neat, one more hour on to the sentence. He could not sit there and day dream. He had to focus on writing the sentence and writing it neatly. At some level the message the sentence was capturing had to sink in.
He asked me once what he should do if he had to go to the bathroom. My answer "Write faster for that hour". He came down stairs once and asked for a spanking in lieu of TOWER time. I told him that if he wanted a spanking to bend over but that he still had to serve his TOWER time with no reduction in sentence quota for the time he took off to get his spanking. He huffed and headed back up stairs. He did not stick around for the spanking he asked for. He absolutely hated the TOWER. But, it worked. And he now has the most beautiful hand writing I have ever seen.
The TOWER was in play from ~4th grade through 8th grade.
Prior to the evolution of the TOWER method we went through the confiscation of belongings stages. I actually forced him to take a meat tenderizer to his I-Pod shuffle when he took it to school in violation of the school rules. He had to drop his cell phone in a sink full of water for the same reason. We did not replace them, he did .... several months later out of his own pocket. He burned Yu-gi-oh and Pokemon cards. I would fan the deck out on the table with the fronts down and make him pick a number of random cards. Then he would burn them over a candle. Of course the ones he picked were always the "best" ones. All made an impression but nothing modified behavior like the TOWER.
I may write a book. "TOWER your way to a well behaved child". Ha!
It is no wonder why we get the title "Wicked Step Parent". I am so evil. Mwwwwhahahahaha!
When will the kids learn. We KNOW because we tried it all when we were their age. Been there, done that, and suffered the consequences. The kids can't believe that their loving, doting GrandMa and GrandPa invented the title of EVIL PARENT.
Thanks Mom and Dad for teaching me well.
Best regards to all,
I found out
that ss put his Ipod in his friends back pack when they were in ss's bedroom, so I wouldn't find it on him.
I told him that his friend wouldn't be going with us to the bus stop for the next two days. I will take ss directly to school. Also, we told him that he just shot down the level of trust that he was supposed to be working on bringing up. Now we trust him even less than we did before. Finally, I told him that he wouldn't be seeing his Ipod until Oct. 3rd. He didn't like that part very much but he is the kind of kid that can blow off any punishment. He just went into his room and listened to his radio instead! Grrrr!
I don't really think that he learned a lesson.
Dawn
maybe next time
take away ALL electronic devices.
Grr
He's just so frustrating! I'm getting tired of having to be so mean but he just isn't getting it!!!
Of course his mom let's him blow off his homework in order for him to go shopping and to a dance instead! Go figure.
Dawn
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