Cable guy just left. Duh. A cable was loose on the splitter behind our bookcase. I am such a dork.
Anyhoo, back on. Oh- and DH finally talked to BM and she claims that she only told SD she can't take her THIS Wed, but plans to next Wed. Since canceling all EO weekend visitation, BM has also been canceling her Weds...EO Wed to be exact. I think she's weaning them both off of seeing each other.
On a lighter note (SARCASTICALLY speaking) SD had a few all out breakdowns this weekend, including trying to run from DH when he told her to get her shoes to come with us on errands. He grabbed her and tried to take her back in the house and she dropped to the ground refusing to move. Several times she raised her fist as though she would strike him. Then when I tried to put my arm around her in a non-threatening way to bring her back into the house she raised her fist to me.
I walked away. Next time she raises a fist to me she better be prepared to follow through with her threat. Then I'm calling the cops and having her admitted for observation.
Oh- And she started cutting again too. DH saw it on her arm just above her wrist. He asked her what it was and she said in a monotone voice "I fell."
Which is BS, because SD can't have a hangnail without asking for a bandage, some advil and an icepack every night for the next week. So there's no way she fell, had that big of a cut, and didn't share it with us vying for sympathy.
Ugh.
Last week she said she didn't want to talk to the shrink. Now she claims she does want to (likely because she wants to tell the shrink how abusive we are to her for trying to bring her back into the house.)
AND when I told her that all communication with BM, including hers, was to take place from her dad's cell instead of mine she said, "So you can record our conversations?"
I said, "Why would you even say that?"
SD- "Because it's something you two would do."
I laughed. She asked what was so funny. I said, "You are sounding a lot like someone else I know." And she retorted once again, "THAT has NOTHING to do with MY MOM! Why does EVERYTHING always have to do with MY MOM!?!?"
I said, "Well, don't you remember when you accused her of throwing you down and hurting you and we called CPS? And how when she picked you up the next time she searched you for wires (with the help of her fiance) because she was convinced we were spying and wire tapping her?"
SD didn't have a response to that. I said, "If we wanted to hear everything that you and your mom say to each other we would put the phone on speaker and hold it for you like she does."
SD- "She doesn't do that anymore."
ME- "You don't call us anymore for her to be able to."
The last conversation I remember DH having with SD on the phone BM was holding the phone because when DH said, "So does your mom want to have you extra on X night?" BM answered instead of SD with a loud, "I can't that night."
DH said, "Oh? You're on too? Well good, I had some things to talk to you about...."
Nice.
We have been having a lovely time. Calling around for a child psychiatrist this week.
Hope all my step sistas are doing well.
So is your wine cabinet...
at least stocked?
In that book you told me to read...Stop Walking on Eggshells...I liked the origin of the term BPD.
The 'border' between neurosis and pyschosis. Is that for them or for those of us who endure them?
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
I liked that origin of the term too
And am not sure why they dropped it because it definitely fits BM and SD in my experience with them! And yes, I think I visit their world far too often these days.
Wine cabinet is stocked. But am desperately trying to not gain back the fifteen pounds I lost when SD was out of town. The losing of weight has come to a halt, and I'm pretty sure that's stress induced as I haven't been eating any differently than I did when she was gone.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
jesus sita
i hope this situation gets more manageable for y'all soon...at least liveable. i feel so bad for her going thru all this, it doesnt excuse her behavior, but its sad she is this way. i really hope someone will get thru to her soon. how is DH holding up? u really are such a saint for helping him thru all this
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Thanks Bella
I am not Christian but I would be willing to have a heart to heart with Jesus if he could somehow reach SD.
As it stands now, SD has dismissed all religion as stupid because she doesn't believe in anything that she "can't see."
Of course she believes in atoms and such but...
I think she doesn't want to put forth an effort toward being morally and ethically responsible and every respectable religious person, including the anthiests I know, believe we are responsible toward our fellow human/animal/planet.
SD just thinks it's everyone for him/herself.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
Glad you are back!
I have missed the positive vibe you bring. This kind of behavior is EXACTLY what my SD did before she was diagnosed. Next time, take her to the ER, or to a psychiatric hospital for kids.
Thanks Sia
We are looking into a teen psychiatric center since she started cutting herself again this weekend and is totally unreachable, cynical, sarcastic, rude, demanding, insulting, etc.
She says we're looking at boarding schools because we aren't capable of handling her.
I told DH the next time she says that to simply answer, "Ummm. Ok. That works for me." Because she is trying to manipulate us to not send her away by indicating it proves how inadequate our parenting is.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
Oh Sita - I have no words
Oh Sita - I have no words for you hun. You are 10 times the person I am , I don't think I could endure that sort of behavior on a daily basis.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
I am not ten times the person you are SSM
(wow - your screen name sounds a little kinky when I abbreviate it!)
I am only human. And as of late I don't know if I can stay here for ever. It's not good for my sons, for BD. I hurt DH's feelings the other night. The boys told me their former elementary school principal won the lottery and was able to retire (he's old enough but probably couldn't financially.) I was so happy to hear a well deserving person won the lottery. So I said to DH "If I win, can I get my own pad for the boys, BD and me, and you can come and visit by yourself?
He just looked at me like I punched him.
It's a sore subject anyway, because when they were married BM wanted to build a house big enough for two wings so they each could have their own space, or live in two different houses and stay married. He said NO.
I felt like crap. But I was only half kidding. If we could afford to do that til SD was out of the house I would do it.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
what do u do about her though?
seriously...he cant let things go on like this...i knwo u guys have tried alot but theres gotta be a way. no one--not DH, u, the other kids OR sd can go on this way.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I second that !!!
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Not Christian... HA !
You are too, you just don't know it!! You are an angel, one of my God's angel...........
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Gee whiz....
Thanks SW. And you can be a buddhist with me too. Not mutually exclusive actually. Some people practice both. Buddha and Jesus were both good teachers.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
when i said jesus
i meant geez!! not that y'all should look to jesus. i think sita got that but the mention of that word has taken this post into a whole other turn!
next time i will not take thy lord's name in vain, though i myself am taoist!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I didn't know....
You were a taoist!
We're kin!
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
yep!
u knew u liked me for some reason
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
ST- Don't sell yourself short...
You say you are just human. But I think you are selling yourself way short.
To many of us, who read your agonizing experiences with your SD and see your extraodinary commitment to this troubled young soul day in and day out- YOU are not just human.
You are WONDER WOMAN.
You have gone over and above the call of duty for what is expected of a stepmom and a wife. You have sacrificed so much for this child for so many years and continue to do so.
You are, in many ways, a HERO.
The fact that you are in the trenches, day after day, and haven't flown the white flag (even though you may have THOUGHT about it) is a testimony to your incredible strength and courage. You are inspirational to many of us here!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
5 teens
YOU are my hero. Every time I see your screen name I can't imagine what your life is like.
Though with SD I sometimes feel like I have TWENTY-FIVE teens at home all rolled up into one ball of angst.
I am really struggling right now with how to move forward in life with this constant drama.
It occupies my every waking thought. My only escape is sleeping and dreaming. Oh- and the upcoming ST camp!
Thanks for your kind words and support. Thank ALL of you for that. This past week to have so much going on, and NO INTERNET to reach out to all of you was particularly tough.
The new puppy was a good investment though. As DH says, "The dog is ALWAYS happy to see us." It's true. My little pup adores the ground I walk on.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
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