OK, we are going through a custody dispute with BM. After nine years of equal (50/50) custody and four years of us having primary custody, BM has decided she wants SD15 full time. Mind you, during those previous four years BM didn't pay a dime of CS and also refused to pay for any of SD's expenses (OK, that has been happening for 13 years). But, now that she has SD she wants us to pay (at a minimum) half of everything. Stupid hypocrite.
BM sent a "bill" with SD this weekend. She is asking for half of all medical expenses, but she didn't give us any receipts. And she has not paid half of any of the medical expenses (fillings for cavities, doctor visits, etc.) that we have incurred. She's sending things dated back to January, plus multiple visits for the same ailment? For example, a strep test one week and then another strep test the next week. OK, we're not dumb.
The kicker is SD's activity fees. I've always felt (and I think husband is finally starting to come around to this) that activities come AFTER school. SD flunked one (possibly two) courses last year. Instead of making them up in summer school, she spent the summer going to volleyball camps. Now BM wants us to pay for half of everything. SD made the school volleyball team (proof that you CAN buy your way onto the team), and BM sent us a bill for that. Hello, SD played volleyball on the school team last year as well and BM didn't pay a dime of those expenses.
Husband agreed (surprisingly) not to pay anything for now. I said BM can't pick and choose when the divorce decree applies. To her, it doesn't apply when we incur expenses but does apply when she incurs expenses. She actually had the nerve to say, "I will be expecting a check for $xxx on Monday" (when she picked up SD). Good luck with that! Hope your expectations don't let you down.
P.S. Husband already sent her money out of the kindness of his heart to help with SD's volleyball expenses. And BM bought her a $70 pair of shoes that were only a "suggestion" by the coaches. OK, so let BM pay for those!
Do you have any of the old
Do you have any of the old bills that she hadnt paid?? if so, send her a counter reciept detailing how much she owes you, and deduct it from her "expenses"...
I am sure there will be a balance owed to you after the netting happens.. then keep knocking it down from there.
Some people are just nervy..
I told husband to do that
BM has NEVER contributed to SD's school expenses. And I mean for 10 years. So she has some nerve to expect us to pay half, I think.
With regard to medical, she had the nerve to tell husband he was responsible for half per their divorce decree. But she refuses to pay half of ours. I just find the whole thing so hypocritical and petty.
Deduct it from what she owes you.
Liz,
We have kept every receipt for uncovered medical expenses we have incurred on my now 16yo SS for over 14 years (co-pays, dental, optical, Rxs, anything that insurance won't cover).
We photocopy the receipt add it to the huge manila envelope and send it to SpermDad once a year. He refuses receipt and the whole package gets sent back. What the ToothlessIdiot does not understand it that refusal of a registered piece of mail constitutes legal acceptance. At this point he owes us ~$5,000.00.
Once my SS turns 18 I will be suing the SpermDonor for all unpaid receipts plus penalties and interest. That will just about bankrupt the idiot but I am OK with that.
On the infrequent occasions that medical treatment has been sought for my SS when he is on SpermDonial visitation we just send the packet back to SpermDad with our half of that cost deducted from what he owes us. He refuses delivery and calls to bitch periodically. We tell him that we have deducted the SpermDonial visitation medical costs from what he owes and inform him of what he currently owes.
In your situation I would refuse to pay half of any medical costs incurred while WombDonor is in possession of the child beyond deducting half of uncovered costs from what she owes you. When the balance gets to ZERO , which will likely not happen before the child ages out of the custody, support and visitation order, send her a check for half. If when the child turns 18 the WombDonor still owes you for uncovered medical expenses ............. SUE HER!
As far as half of sports costs, extracurriculars, etc ....... That is all factored in to CS payments. If no CS is set up then each parent is on the hook for kid costs that are incurred when the kid is with them. If I was you or your DH, I would not cough up a dime for costs incurred while your SD is with the WombDonor.
As far as the custody battle, I would not want my kid raised by the WombDonor that you describe. If I was your DH I would go after custody and make every effort to nail the WombDonor to the CS wall and limit visitation time. It sounds to me that the XW is positioning to avoid college costs and obtain custody to put that cost on to your DH. Your DH needs to get a good very aggressive family law attorney, get his daughter back home and nail the WombDonor to the wall.
Just my opinion of course,
Good luck and best regards,
Thanks for the feedback
Husband is bad about documenting anything, but it won't be too hard to do it retroactively because BM hasn't contributed a dime.
Neither of us pays CS because it is equal (50/50) custody and BM and husband made the same amount when they divorced. We had primary custody of SD for past four years (BM moved an hour away) and BM didn't pay for anything. Now that SD lives with her (only three months now) she expects us to cough up half.
It's a losing battle regarding custody. SD prefers to live with BM because BM has poisoned her mind against husband and me. But I agree she doesn't plan to help pay for college. She doesn't work (stays at home even though all her kids are in school).
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