From my employer's EAP website:
For instance, plans to have a baby or go on a vacation may have to be postponed because the financial needs of a former spouse or non-residential child increase unexpectedly. Situations such as these usually make financial decision making more complicated. (yes, well we all know that 2nd families have to sacrifice everything for the first brood that came along; "i was here first" mentality)
Research has shown that families with a higher income function better as stepfamilies. This makes sense, as having more money helps eliminate a significant source of tension in the stepfamily. It can also reduce friction between households because there is more money available for the support of children and former spouses. However, when households have fewer financial resources, the potential for tension and conflict increases. (thank you captain obvious)
DUH, ya THINK??!! 
HAHAHAHAHA
LMAO....crayon you are funny.... Where in the world do you work? I guess it is run by a male, no doubt!
Not so fast...
So you would THINK having money is the EASY answer to everything????
Wouldn't THAT be nice. But it's SOOOO wrong.
It just creates a whole multitude of different problems.
Sure, maybe those people who don't have a lot would say, "Sure it might be nice to have "those kind" of problems, but they are real problems, nonetheless:
*Having more money means a nastier divorce proceeding when there's more to fight about. DH's ex got over 65% of the marital assets, over $4200/mo in alimony in the beginning, and another $4200/month in CS. And HE got lucky in OUR COUNTY!
*Having more money doesn't stop a crazy BM from wanting more money out of sheer greed. It doesn't cause her to get over $4200/month in CS for three kids who she has 50% of the time, yet still nickel and dime DH for $7 in milk money!
*It doesn't stop her from sending nasty emails about how they are HER CHILDREN and he is just the PAYCHECK.
*Having more money doesn't stop the crazy BM from telling her daughters she REFUSES to buy anything for them and causing a scene in the middle of a store and embarrassing them, simply because she's mad that her CS got lowered to $3600/mo for 2 kids. (the oldest just turned 18 and boy is she mad!)
*Having money doesn't stop the little entitlement monsters from constantly having their hands out for the 24/7 Daddy ATM- and daddy giving it to them (my personal pet peeve)
So you see, there are a host of issues that are created by having money. Problems that sometimes people would wish they had? Maybe? But I've been on both sides of the fence and there are some days I really wish for the 'old days'...
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Yes, it was a generalized statement to be sure
However, BF is ELATED when his paycheck is over $200 a week; then the stepmonsters come over and eat away at that too!
I think CS is much harder on low income/blue collar dads as a rule.
this BF gave 100% of the marital home, car, furnishings, etc. to BM; and got stuck with all HER debt! VERY unwise to say the least. Maybe he's wised up b/c now he wants HALF of everything I have!
This is a sore subject with me
I will "lay it all on the line" to some extent here. My husband's situation is similar to that of crayon's BF. My husband brings home 1800 a month. That's it. If you consider half our mortgage to be his obligation, that takes away 700. He's now down to 1100. Then comes CS for SD (still in negotiation). BM doesn't work, his obligation is 300 a month. Is that an equal obligation for his other two biodaughters (our children)? If so, that takes away 900. He's now down to 200. What about utilities, food, clothing, toiletries?
OK, on top of the 300 CS, husband could be ordered to pay 62 percent (his share because BM doesn't work so her "imputed" income is very low) of SD's activities plus 62 percent of her car insurance, plus half of all uncovered medical expenses. So say another 100 a month.
Where does that leave us as a family? It leaves me supporting "our" family. I have a serious problem with that and could never be a stay-at-home mom. All because BM "chooses" not to work. When they divorced, BM worked and made as much as husband. So her share would be 50 percent (instead of 38 percent) and perhaps even more because of how little husband makes.
How is any of this situation fair?
None of it's fair, Elizabeth
And I hope I didn't offend anyone by offering a different point of view.
All I'm saying is that the money amount doesn't change the craziness of a BM.
DHs BM doesn't work either. She sits on her lazy ass and cries poor all day long.
And as far as I'm concerned, that's REALLY INSULTING to people, like you, who struggle day in and day out to meet their daily bills!
This awful woman gets SO MUCH MONEY a month and has the GAUL to cry poor?????? It gets me SOOO angry.
Yet she has no problem having another baby by her wonderful new husband. But she expects MY HUSBAND to pay for it.
Before I met my DH I was a struggling single, working mom for many years. I never asked for a dime of alimony. I simply got a better job. I worked my butt off to do what was right for my boys. My ex certainly going to help out- he just did the minimum. I didn't cry about it- I picked myself up and did what had to be done for the good of my boys. Period. Isn't that what moms are supposed to do?
Well, apparently not. Not these awful BMs who use the court system to rape their exes. And whether you make $2,000 a month or $20,000 a month- it's just not fair.
And that's all I was trying to say.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Don't worry, I was not offended
Your situation is a pain in the backside, as is mine. Would more money make my situation easier? In some ways, yes. In other ways, no. More money would make it easier for us to live, but it would also make BM more rabid for a chunk of what we have. She can't get much now, which I think is part of what is making her so mad. I don't think she realized how little my husband makes because SD has always had things handed to her (via my income).
I can't imagine having to pay 4200 a month to a woman who then complains she has no money. With that much, stepkids should be living a damn good life. If I had 4200 a month coming in without having to work for it, I would be DAMN grateful.
That's about what my DH's
That's about what my DH's ex-wife is raping him for ($4000/month +), and now she is refusing to send clothes for visitation and has wiped out the small supply of extra clothes we DID have. Why, because she's "broke." Guess who helped buy the skids' new clothes? Yup, ME. Guess why SHE is broke? Video games, new bikes, new clothes for HER HOUSE ONLY, trips for the skids, her, her new husband (3 this year already), digital camcorder for SS10, and expensive birthday parties the kids didn't need. What a selfish bitch. She makes more each month off of my DH than I do working full time. Oh yeah, and she DOESN'T work full time. She's a "volunteer." DH thinks she'll get a job by the end of the year. I doubt it. Why would she when her free ride continues for another 11 years?
5teens...i commend u
i was raised by a true single mom...one who got absolutely NO help from biodad...no CS AT ALL bc he moved out of state and worked under the table. did my mom cry and use it as a crutch, or do spoil me into thinking the whole workld owes me bc i was a product of a "broken home"??? HELL NO. she worked 2 jobs while working her way thru college to make a better life for herself and for me...she made damn sure i was taken care.
u are absolutely correct...BMs like the ones alot of us have give MOTHERS a bad name...it makes me sick. then u have a BM like mine, who on top of it has my FH who wants to be in his kids life and offers support and that STILL wasnt good enough. on to making our life a living hell by taking us back to court, phony abuse claims, raping us for CS we cant afford, etc etc etc. now who really cares about their daughter??
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
bella,
your mom sound like ME. that's exactly how i raised my bio children and got no CS from my ex-hubbys. That's why I'm shocked i guess that BF is such an enabled of the BM!
I have somewhat of the reverse
when BM kicked BF out of the house, she was a "stay at home" mom running a part time child care operation (hmmm doncha think she would have thought about that before kicking the breadwinner out??)
BF came to my house and funnelled ALL yes ALL of his paycheck to BM for the next 6 months. I of course, did not like this arrangement and BF thought I was being UNREASONABLE!!! WTF??!!
He was so plagued by guilt that she had him thinking that he would be paying her his ENTIRE salary for the rest of his life! I am not making this up, shows how CRAZY she is, she really thought this.
In the meantime, all of BF's money enabled her FANTASY of running her own business. She immediately raided all three children's college funds (about 25K in total, i believe) plus with BF ENABLING her by giving her his whole salary, this just prolonged the agony!!!! She started her own business (she didn't start out small, believe me, she used BF's salary for radio advertising, internet advertising, you name it) bought a "turn key" business and moved it to a brownstone building that she rented. Got the finest biz attorney that BF's money could buy and tax accountant. BIZ flopped in less than 12 months as she was never there to do any work; thought she could name her own hours; even bragged that she would "be a millionaire" at the mediation sessions!
The ex biznatch-in-law (BM's just as psycho mom) quit her own job to "help" her daughter (you can see where the enabling relationship is here; BM is the apple of her mommy's eye and never quite cut the umbilical cord)
My contention was that the more BF funneled $$$ off to BM and didn't help ME with any bills, the more this empowered BM to think of herself as an entrepeneur and not get a REAL job. BM has NO discipline to have a business of her own. Anyone who has had their own business, myself included, KNOWS that it is not "name your own hours" and you have to work twice as hard if not harder than if you were working for someone else. A concept completely lost on BM. So when the money started to dwindle, BM was forced to get a "real" (i say that in the broadest sense of the word) job as a CHILD PROTECTIVE WORKER and her supervisor is one of her GOOD FRIENDS!! She makes just as much as I do and her new hubby makes even more! BF makes half of what I do and half of THAT is taken away by CS.
So now, BF brings home this small amount after CS is done taking 60% and he contributes as much as he can, provides labour for remodeling, fixing cars, etc. but I say he COSTS much more than he SAVES me! Especially when the skids run up the utility bills, food bills, entertainment bills etc. stuff that would not normally be that high if we were just a couple.
Same thing here
My Dh is to pay $400.00 per month child support, while I am working to support us, he does odd jobs for the landlord in lieu of rent, we are struggling so bad financially that most months it's do we buy food or pay the electric. Jobs around here are so hard to find. He tries. I have no problem paying the support except for the fact that if we are late with it, she tells the kids they don't have any money because dad didn't pay his child support. She is married, just had a new baby, bought a $200,000.00 home, has the best of everything and my SS's wear rags and too small clothes, can't even get a new tire for their bikes. What gives???? I have received $500.00 child support for my son, in 13 years. I still manage. These women grasp at straws and find the only ways they can to still hurt DH for whatever wrong they fell they have done to them. I do agree that father's need to help support their children from a prior relationship, but what about the other children at home they need to support. I am tired of my family always going without so she can do whatever she wants and completely live life up.
Making the decision to have a child is momentous~ It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside of your body~
NCP dads get screwed no matter what
my FH makes $50k a year and has to give BM $700 a month...w/o ME, he wouldve lost the house by now. do u think when WE have a baby, THAT child will have $700 a month spent on him/her???? no way bc we are broke now...so i guess we'll have to wait to have a baby all bc of the child BM trapped him into having. and bc she works PT at minimum wage. lazy white trash. grrrrrrrr.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
yep
my BF makes $28K a year (he was making less b/c they cut back his hours; CS stayed the same though) and he pays $1000 a month to the BM for the three, well-fattened, over spoiled skids! So he's left with minimum wage and in the state of NY, well, he's far below the poverty line.
BM makes about $42K a year as a "child protective worker" the same amount as I do.
BM, her new hubby and the skids eat out every day; sometimes twice a day. They constantly go on vacation and to amusement parks, etc. etc. I never could provide that lifestyle to my bio kids when they were young. I really did it on my own. NO CS and a real single mom (not having boyfriends like BM did about three of them until she married this one)
Girl I know
DH makes that and pays the same amt of $$. We are due with our first in 54 days. It is going to be so hard because things are so freakin tight right now. We are trying to pay off as much as we can but it never seems to be enough to really get ahead. And no, my son will not get $700 per month spent on him, even including daycare. But, I stopped a while back buying aynthing at all for skids. Nothing unless it is their bday or Christmas. And only a small amt then. At Cristmas I am cutting that amt by half. DH has certainly done his part in getting us to the point where we are financially. I am the one working to get us out. He is only given a certain amt per week to spend. Anyway, I am getting way off topic here. CS sucks and SD now has a job but we pay the same amt. When I think about that, I get INFURIATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But, I just have to concentrate on the baby amd doing what is necessary to give him the best life possible. SK are not my concern at all. Anway, I am rambling so bad right now.
I hear everyone of you on this.
When BM booted DH out, he left with the clothes on his back. He struggled having to pay BM CS @ $500/mnth based on $7.00 per hr plus insurance. Also giving her hand outs"for the kids." What the kicker is he had physical possession of SS11 almost the whole time. They divorced when he was 4 and she gave SS11 now to DH when he was 5(couldn't handle him) When we got together BM decided to hand over SD9 now 6 back then. But BM continued to collect child support for both children. We put a stop to that. Now the tables have turned and BM has to pay CS. What is sick though is she pays $289 based on $9.75 hr now does that make sense? I have often wondered how DH was made to pay her more based on less pay? We pay insurance on skids BM pays 1/2 of uncovered costs. Anytime something comes up BM tries to throw a poor pitiful me act. I don't make as much money, I have another kid to support without help, I'm trying to get my own place, blah, blah, blah. I say if the job isn't cutting it, get a better one to help support yourself and your children. I just think she can't do without her drug habit to have any money for her kids. I hate it that men in general get the raw end of the deal legally reguardless which end of custody they are on. I will say that I did not do my ex wrong. We split everything 50/50. We discussed CS and we came to an agreement. It shouldn't be that hard for a BM to quit rubbing their hands together when it comes to the money situation. Everyone, man or woman should support their children and the courts should adjust their bias thinking. Just my opinion.
I think the multiplar
is increased at a rate of to the power of 10 IF and ONLY IF the payor has male genitalia.
Why does it appear that every blended family has an evil side?
In our case I am SF to my now 16yo SS and have been since before he turned 2yo. In our home he is an only child. SpermDad has four out of wedlock spawn by 3 different mothers. My SS (his oldest) is raised by my Lovely Bride and I, #'s 2-4 (12,10&8)are raised by the BPGPs. (BioPaternalGrandParents). SpermDad and WombDonors 2 and 3 do nearly nothing. But SpermDad claims custody and expenses for at least two of the other three. They do not even live with him and he does very little to support them. SpermGrandMa and SpermGrandPa support the kids.
The courts have let SpermDad off of the hook for more than 14years for not keeping his junk in his pants. For nearly 10yrs he only had to pay $130/mo CS for my son (SS). For the past 5yrs he has been on the hook for $380/mo which is not even on our income radar screen as significant. His contribution has never been significant and we do not need the money but we do not let him off of the hook because our son has just as much right to his "father's" resources as the half siblings do. Vindictive I know, but that is the truth.
When on visitation the kid is bombarded with an incessant whine about how it is not fair for his siblings to not have the nice things that he has and that the only reason that he (my SS) has nice things is because step dad is rich. I am not rich, WE made sacrifices early in our marriage, both went to grad school and make reasonably sound financial decisions.
The evidence indicates that SpermDad is incapable of making a sound decision about anything. Hell there is no indication that the past three generations of that entire gene pool have ever made a good decision. IMHO.
The comment about money increasing with the presence of male genitalia is accurate in my experience. Usually money flows from the male gonads that have it to those in the equation who don't. SpermDad gets a $1000.00 reduction in his monthly income for the calculation of CS because I make a decent living. What kind of crap is that? More evidence that the family courts in our country are where the bottom 10% of law professionals spend their careers. IMHO (with a few notable exceptions of course.
In my experience the family law courts are interested in nothing more than perpetuating their own existence by keeping as many kids in the system as possible by milking dollars from one side of the equation or the other. The courts are not interested in the best interest of the kids. If they were the moron side in every blended family situation would be nailed for every dime and get ZERO time with the kids.
It is not always the noncustodial side of the equation that gets hosed by the family law system. But .............. one side or the other always gets hosed. I can recognize the injustices on both sides depending on the situation.
I would hope that in any blended family all sides would stayed focused on the best interest of the Kid(s) and not on controlling the XW/XH or the StepParents.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Best regards,
What????
Did I hear that right? Biodad gets a reduction in CS because you the Stepfather make X amount of dollars. Why does what you make come into play? That really sucks. I am appalled by that. My DH has been on both sides. He got hosed when he was noncustodial and is now getting hosed as custodial. I will say that some of it's DHs fault for not taking a stand. BM is currently in arrears on her support and DH has not confronted her about it. He was complaining about the money situation and I just told him I didn't want to hear anything about money until he took care of business. Is this a harse thing to say? As a man what would you do in this situation? Confront BM or just let it go?
Yep, you heard right.
alwaysthemom,
You absolutely heard me correctly. SpermDad gets a $1000.00/mo reduction in his income for CS calculation purposes because "the Step Father makes a good living and "SpermDad" should not be penalized because of the child's artificially elevated life style". I know, that does not make much sense but that is what the idiot Family Law "judge" said when he pronounced his ruling. I am not sure what an "artificially elevated life style is". My wife and I work our buts off and our "mommies and daddy's" do not pay our bills or support our child. In our society it pays to be a scumbag idiot.
My wife makes significantly more money than SpermDad does and bears 65% of the cost of parenting. The CS rules in effect allow for StepParent income to be considered in unusual circumstances. Apparently SpermDads inability to keep his pecker in his pants (four out of wedlock spawn with three different wombdonors) is an unusual circumstance that allows for a step parent's income to be considered.
At least in the cesspool that calls itself the great state of Oregon. More like the scumbag peoples republic of Oregon IMHO.
I understand your perspective on hour DH getting hosed on both the custodial and noncustodial side of the situation. You DH's is another example of how inept our Family Law courts really are. Some of our situation is due to my wife's inaction as some of your situation seems to be due to inaction by your DH. I think many blended families suffer from parental guilt syndrome which seems to prevent many bio parents in blended family situations from taking action. Avoidance is apparently more desirable than resolving an issue.
Best regards,
God, you are SO right about
God, you are SO right about the family courts in this country sucking A$$. I totally hear you there.
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