Step Talk

No, you aren't wrong, but the dad will have to take the steps to get it done. You can go online and get the testing material and mail it off or look for a DNA or genetics place in your city.

aout that myself with SS9. But we are so close to the boys that at this point, all it would do is cause pain and heartache for all of us if he weren't his. You just need to stop and think of how the child would feel as well as your husband. Sure, you wouldn't have to pay support for him, but this child has know your husband as his dad for 10 years. Could you imagine what it would do to the situation? BM would probably not let him see the child anymore. But each situation is different and if it is something that both of you truly want to know, then, good luck to you and I hope all is well

Making the decision to have a child is momentous~ It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside of your body~

is your concern at all. If DH wants to know, he will do the test. You will come off looking bad all the way around if you push this. I understand your curiosity, b/c I do not believe my SD 16 is DH's. However, he has no need to know, so I butt out. He said that it wouldn't make any difference if DNA was a match or not, she is still his daughter, so he doesn't care. And, if he doesn't care, I don't care.

who his father is. I think your DH is wrong, if he has an honest, legitimate reason to question paternity, to continue on as if he is unquestionably the dad.

Who's to say that the real dad, should it be proven that it's not your DH, wouldn't actually be thrilled to find out he has a son and turn out to be a real blessing in this child's life?

But of course, you are correct in realizing that you can do absolutely nothing to drive this boat; only DH can decide to act.

I remain, the world's most evil stepmom; ask anyone.

I have no intention of taking action or even saying anything more on the subject to my husband. We have talked about it three times; it is not an on-going discussion.
In the beginning of our relationship, I said SS didn't look like him, and as he was conceived during a casual sexual relationship, not a committed relationship, I asked if he had ever considered DNA testing to confirm paternity. He said he knew he should have but didn't. When SS was a baby DH was under parental pressure to marry the BM and his mom wanted that baby.
Second time we talked about it was 4 years later. I told him honestly that I had doubts and I didn't feel I was being a good partner if I didn't share that with him. I told him I thought he and SS deserved to know the truth. He said he had always wondered and would like to know for sure. We talked about how devastating it would be for all involved if SS is not biologically his child. Conversation closed with him saying he wanted testing.
Third time was about six months later. I asked if he had thought about it anymore and he said I could buy the kit, do the testing. I said, no, this is yours. If you don't want to know then I'm not going to do or say anything more.
And I don't intend to. I'm not going to bring up the subject with him. I thought long and hard about all of the implications before I talked to my DH about it. I can only imagine how heartbreaking it would be, and I am not a selfish monster. I'm not interested in causing pain for my DH or my SS, I am interested in the truth.
My reason for raising the question was because I felt I was being a good wife-if it were me I would want to know the truth and I would want someone looking out for me. I don't understand how he can live with doubt-but that is his to deal with, not mine, and I accept that.

"Heart, have no pity on this house of bone:
Shake it with dancing, break it down with joy."
Edna St. Vincent Millay

being a parent doesnt necessarily mean being a biological parent, so even if the kid isnt his, why would that stop them from having the father-son relationship theyve always had?

and the courts may grant him rites since he has been the "dad" for ten years...

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

just asserting my opinion. :)Sorry if I offended w/my reply.

This has come up in a couple of conversations with my bf and his family. Around the time ss was conceived bf and bm were separated. I assume they were still having sexual relations because they got back together when she found out she was pregnant with ss. There was talk about her also sleeping with another guy around this time. BF said he did question it when she was pregnant but she insisted that he was the father and told him they could get a paternity test but bf declined. SD9 is the spitting image of BF. SS6 does not look anything like him or BM. SS has darker skin and eyes. BF asked me several months ago if I thought SS looked like him. I said no I didn't and then asked him if he looked like BM. He said he didn't think so. I asked him if he would want to know if SS was really his by getting a DNA test and he said no, that he did not want to know. I left it at that and will not bring it up to him unless he wants to talk about it. I do wonder about this alot, especially when the kids are with us and I look at SS. I honestly don't think he is BF's . But it is not my place to push the issue. BF loves him and has nurtured him and been his father since he was born and in this case DNA does not matter.

My mom says that kids usually have their father's thumbs. My thumbs and other fingers look exactly like my dad's (except smaller ). I looked at my BS's thumbs and sure enough they look just like his dad's. SD's thumbs and fingers are shaped just like BF's. SS's thumbs do not look like his at all.

Look at the kid's thumbs and see if they look like your DH's. I know this isn't a sure way to determine paternity but I think it's an interesting theory