My ex is nuts.
After giving me permission for me and the kids to move to arizona...and telling me he did not want the kids, only during part of the summer he has gone nuts.
He filed paperwork trying to force me back to Oregon...he is requesting full custody, and expects me to just hand over my kids and walk away because afterall....I am only 26 and can have more kids, and he is 34 and is never going through a vasectomy again. Hello....like thats my fault, I didn't tell him to get the surgery, he got it against my protests...and it's certainly not a good reason for me to hand over my kids to him.
The man is abusive, he does drugs, and hes very obviously unstable and trying to do everything in his power to hurt me. Plus he has NO idea how to take care of kids. I come home when hes "babysitting" them and they have not eaten anything but popcorn. I tell him to give them medicine he doesn't know the dosage...or how to read the back of the freaking box apparently, etc. Sadly for me I was one of those quiet girls that sat there and let herself and her kids be abused for too long, and never got anything documented. There is NO proof that my children are not safe in that environment, and bringing it up now makes me look like i am trying to fake it for custody reasons.
I am so frustrated at myself for being stupid. I put myself and my kids into a dangerous situation...i stayed there...and now legally I can do NOTHING about it. I will have to hand my kids over for visitation (i doubt the judge will grant him full custody, theres no reason for it.) I don't know what to do.
I'm just so frustrated.
visitation
He is probably creating a stink because he knows that he will have to pay CS and he trying to get them back because of that. The law is on your side because you are the mother. He would have to prove you unfit to take your kds away and that is hard to do.
sad thing is
I don't care about child support. I would gladly waive it, I make more than he does, as does FH by a long shot. The state would force him to claim 40 hours at minimum wage and he does not even make that much. He would have nothing to pay me. Sure the state would make him pay, and it'd come out of his checks...but he doesnt have it. It's kind of pointless.
negotiate
Negotiate the contract and make him an offer he can't refuse. Both of you sign a contract stating that you have 100% custody in every shape and form and that you will fore-go the CS. Let it be known that if he doesn't sign it that you will nail him to the wall. I would not be concerned about visitation because he would have to pay for all flight tickets and where would he get that money? If he is the scumbag that you say that he is he will probably sign it so he wont have to pay.
I'm trying
He keeps setting up times to call to work it out (when the kids aren;t available to talk, and has not called the kids he wants so desperately) and then he flakes on me. Been like 3 times now. I'm about to give up, give him a time he can contact the kids and tell him not to talk to me, talk to my lawyer. sigh.
Take a deep breath, this will be okay
First of all, in most cases, for the courts to reverse an order, there has to be significant change. If you are moving, this can be something for the courts to consider. If you didn't get his consent for you to move in writing, you need to start the legal process right away. However he can and might fight you. But if you are planning to make changes in your life, you need to get your ducks in a row so that you aren't held in contempt by taking them out of state without permission. If he is a real jerk he can make life very difficult on you, no matter how ridiculous his reasons are. Click on this site, it is for Michigan but it walks you through the process on how to make the change for your sake so that you can move. http://courts.michigan.gov/SCAO/selfhelp/family/custody_help.htm
I suggest following the legal avenue, and start as soon as possible. You can do most of this yourself without hiring a lawyer.
Just taking these preliminary steps might make him rethink what he is doing. Good luck
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