To make your future step son walk a mile home when he's only 7?
Oh my god I am so pissed at FSS7. No, I didn't make him walk home, but I sure the hell wanted to. He decided he was going to scream at the top of his lungs in the car while I was driving around the Target parking lot waiting for his dad to come back from running in to grab something.
The reason for his yelling? He was trying to make enough noise that I would leave and never come back...or that I would kick him out and make him walk so he could go somewhere "fun" and not have to be with me. After reminding him that he would be awfully hungry if I left because no one would make him breakfast and lunch while his dad was at work...and being told "so you dont have to cook for me anymore" and ignoring him for what seemed like ages I finally got pissed enough to pull over and make him get out of the car.
See in my pissed off state I thought perhaps giving him a time out outside of the car, in the heat (we live in AZ) would shut him up. Yeah right. Instead he ran around, swung from the cart holder, and just generally played no matter how many times I told him to get back to the place I told him to stand.
Finally I just made him buckle back up, and told him he was going to bed immediately after dinner. Which ended up being no punishment because by the time we got home and fed them, they all had to go to bed right after dinner.
By the time FH came out of the store and got in the car he could tell I was PISSED. I gave him a rundown of what went on, and he was pissed too...but technically he had no real consequences.
Is it petty to remind him he said I didn't have to cook for him tomorrow and feed him dry cereal? GRRR I am still steamed!
Let me see....
,
RE:
Did you get a chance to discuss this with your FH without the kids around? I think this is a big deal and could potentially become a major issue if not addressed. This kid obviously feels like he doesn't have to listen to you, and it'll only get worse as time goes on unless he has some real consequences. I wish you luck in figuring it out!
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
at least its equal
He doesn't feel like he has to listen to his dad either. He generally listens to me better simply because I MAKE him.
Next time make him walk.
Next time make him walk. That kind of behavior in a car could cause an accident.
Were we closer to home
I would have. I think what I will do next time is ignore him til we are a couple blocks away and let him out. In the dark. To walk home by himself.
The problem is this kid cannot be away from an adult more than 10 feet without freaking out. One time I was in the garage and when I came back in he was looking for me in tears. I was like what the heck...you're FINE.
So I anticipate him screaming if I try to make him get out and his dad babying him the second he gets home. I don't know. I have talked to his dad about the babying many times and he doesn't seem to notice when he does it. If I point it out when he does it he gets defensive and mad. Maybe I should make a list of examples and give it to him after the kids are in bed.
Sounds
like this kid is in extreme pain. He is fighting all that goes with divorce (EOW/sharing his parent(s), etc, etc) at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS. Geeeee, I know this might not be a popular opinion---but if I were you, I'd back off until this kid is older and that family has worked out some of these issues. You both will make each other absolutely miserable. The kindness (by backing off the relationship) that you would be extending to that boy would be returned in kind threefold.
We live together
And have all 6 of the kids full time. There is no every other weekend stuff. These kids have NO female role model other than maybe 2 times a year, IF they are lucky, and the occasional burst of phone calls. I am not backing off my relationship because a 7 year old is throwing a fit. A recent fit I might add as he has been fine with everything and even used to call for me at night before I moved in until his mom started calling up again.
bbmom
You have 6 at home!!!! My goodness, we have 3 a piece but they are all grown (except a 16.4 year old). I take my hat off to you, you are one courageous woman.
yup!
mine are 8, almost 7, and 4....his are 7, 4, and 2. Sigh, some days I WISH mine were all grown up.
Yikes
I think you can use all the hugs that you can get. I also hope that you carve out some time for yourself in that busy day you have.
HUGSSSSSSS
lol
I use nap time for quiet time. I refuse to leave my room til 9 AM to make their breakfast, (though that will soon change for school days) and some nights I have FH put the kids to bed while i lock myself in the room and play loud music.
I did this to SD 13 when she missed the bus last year
SD continued to push primping herself getting ready for school til the last minute- and wouldn't run out til the bus was coming down the street. DH and I tried everything. Finally I told her that if she ever missed it, she'd have to walk to school.
So once they ALL missed it because of a power outage. Well...I got them up in time to get dressed, but SD decided she would have time to shower, blow dry, and primp. She took her time.
So I drove them all to school (about 7 miles away.) It was raining. SD kept baiting me the whole way there "I thought I would have to WALK. Weren't you going to make me WALK? Isn't THAT what you said?" So I said, "You are getting close to walking right now." She stopped for a little while. Then, when we were on the same street as the school she sarcastically said, "Guess I'm NOT walking then. Because I was ALL prepared to WALK."
I pulled up to the sidewalk, with a couple hundred yards to the school and pulled over.
Me "GET OUT AND WALK."
SD "Are you SERIOUS? It's RAINING!"
ME "OUT."
She slammed out, and then my son said, "I'm so glad you did that because she was whispering in my ear "I'm not gonna have to walk. I'm not gonna have to walk!"
Her hair gets frizzy in the rain.
Ha.
Sometimes you can get away with a partial follow through to make your point.
Of course...
SD and her friends decided to all plan to miss the bus on the last day of school so they could walk together the seven miles with no sidewalks and windy country roads.
It was 90 degrees.
I went to find them when I picked up BS because I figured she was up to no good.
All they did was stop off for icecream, but thought they could fool me about it. Her friend had a slushy and kept sarcastically saying, "Isn't it AMAZING that my slushy lasted ALL day at school????"
Later I found out from another mom they had arranged to miss the bus on purpose days before.
So....
I told SD that I now know she feels capable of walking the seven miles with no sidewalks. And if she misses the bus again she will walk the whole way. In the rain.
Period.
DH's ok with that btw. He probably would have let her out of the car MUCH sooner than I did.
Post new comment