I've made up my mind to leave my husband. I'm tired of all the fighting and being the scapegoat to all the problems. For two days now we've been fighting. I'm a B to the girls he says. He doesn't see my side of it.
Then when he doesn't get his way he says, "Will tell the councilor when benefits kick in" He's using counciling as an excuse not to talk to me now. Then today I apologized for yelling yesterday. Taking my part in the blame. He never apologized. Then he told me that he has to fill out benefit papers at work tomorrow.
I thought that was weird and asked why since I'm all ready covering him and the skids at work. I asked him if he was planning for double coverage and all he would say is will see. Then an hour later he accually picked a fight with me. I called him out on it and he tried turning it back on me.
Enough is enough already! I'm sick and tired of the fighting and his kids. I guess 5 happy years mean nothing to him. Not to mention him hitting me. It's not worth it! He's not going to change, I can see that now. It's always going to be my fault. His kids have done what they set out for. They have roined my marriage.
Oh and one of them made the comment last night that if I wasn't around they could watch TV (their on restriction). Oh well, I guess not! We have two TV's and both are mine. I brought them into the marriage.
I'm not going to tell DH I'm leaving just yet. I'm going to start pooling money and get ready to leave. Then when I'm set up to go I'll tell him and leave quickly.
If I have to leave for my safety before then I've cleared it with someone at work for a place to stay for awhile. Plus I maybe able to stay in the dorms for a week or two if I need to.
I'm feeling an inner calm since I made the disission. I feel pain too because I do love my husband, but his love is a poison. I've been praying to God too for lying about "till death do us part" but I feel God didn't mean for it to be my death at my husbands hands. I hope the lord can forgive me.
I'm sorry, thats so sad.
I'm sorry, thats so sad.
know what your going through
and wish you luck
Vows go both ways
God doesn't want you to stay in an abusive relationship, regardless of who said what. Please stay calm and focused on doing this this the best way for you!! and if you have to leave earlier, just go and worry about your stuff later.
Also, why tell him, that will only start a fight, I would leave a letter or just say nothing and let him figure it out. I have heard that when one leaves an abusive relationship, that is THE number one most dangerous time re. injury.
Hugs to you honey (((((((((((((Dreamer)))))))))))))))
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
I wish you luck
Your not in a good situation, so I think God would be forgiving.. it's not as though you are leaving him for another man. your leaving because you are in a relationship that has turned abusive. Stay strong! we are here for ya! Just a side note, I don't know if oyu would have a way to do this, but when my MIL left her long time boyfriend who had done some messed up & disrespectful things to her, she stopped threatening to leave. Instead, she spend 6 months making his life hell on purpose, and sneaking things out of the house ( that were hers) just little stuff at first, but by the end of the 6 months, there was not much of her stuff to pack up and leave lol. every once in a while he would ask her, "hey where are all your clothes? theres only a few outfits in the closet" and she would just tell him like she decided to clean the closet and gave a couple bags to goodwill lol. Or she would say her friend borrowed stuff, or she had no idea where something was, and she thought he took it, ect.
Anyways, you will be in my prayers.*hugs*
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.-Erma Bombeck:
It sure sounds like you made
It sure sounds like you made an incredibly hard, but correct decision. If you feel that inward calm now, I have no doubt you made the right choice. And as for him hitting you, inexcusable. (hug) you will get through this and be better for it!
How about you do what my
How about you do what my neighbor did.. You tell him AFTER you moved. Take your stuff while he and the girls are NOT home.. and leave a note and the divorce papers for him to sign.
I dont think telling him then leaving is going to work. He has hit you before, and I am afraid this would prompt him to do it again. Plus he also sabotaged your car that time so that you couldnt leave or get far. Dont give him a heads up. Also, enlist the help of friends and family to get your move done FAST!!! Again.. w/ a temper like that.. move when he isnt around and the kids arent.. and leave a note.
Be safe!
I'm truly truly sorry
for what's happening to you. Honestly sweetie, when he hit you, that was time to pack it up. This is my second marriage because my firstH was abusive. He started off very slowly with control issues and emotional stuff, and it very slowly got worse until the day he hit me...and it got way way worse from there. Had I not been trapped with him I would have left the second he hit me, but as many of us are, we're financially, emotionally, etc. stuck with these guys.
I really feel for you and I can honestly say I can completely empathize with what you're going through...5 years is alot of time to have given to this man so you kind of want a pay off on all you've invested.
I think it sounds like your H is trying to pick fights with you so you'll leave, and it also sounds like he's working on his own exit strategy. You should see a lawyer asap so you can protect yourself before he tries to really stick it to you. If a guy is abusive, you can bet that they will be even worse in a legal proceeding.
You might want to discuss your options with agencies that help battered women...they have tons of helpful resources and can help you plan for your departure and building a life afterwards. You're definitely not in it alone no matter what you ultimately decide.
Hugs, Lil
Thinking About You !!
And still worried, get out safe and sound !!
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Please stay safe
The last time you wrote about your physical fight with DH, there was a lot of concern for your safety during your exit stretegy. Now that you have made your mind up for good, I will echo what was said back then, which is...
try to stay as calm as possible around him and not incite any arguments during this time as you plan your exit. Pool as much resources together as you can in a safe location an quitely 'do your thing' without arousing his suspicions or getting his anger up.
Please stay safe. This man clearly has anger issues and I think we are all very much concerned for your safety at this time!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Reply To Dreamer's Blog
Dreamer,
The first thing you need to understand is it was not your stepchildren who ruined your five year old "happy" marriage. While they may have contributed to your unhappiness, they nonetheless were not one of the marital partners. Hence, the marriage fell apart because you and your spouse failed to form a productive partnership. A controlling, abusive spouse never makes a good partner. What's more, it is probably the reason his first marriage fell apart.
When a spouse senses you are about to leave him, he becomes very niggardly so the odds that you will be able to save a significant amount of money from this point forward are slim. You can still seek a divorce, however. You simply want to ask that he cover your attorney costs. While I do NOT advocate that you stick around for a beating, in the event he does hit you, you want to immediately seek shelter in a women's center, and take pictures of the injuries he caused. You also want to file for temporary support until you get on your feet.
Sorry you are going
through this, but I do think it is for the best, and you will be happier in the long run! HUGS!
Walk and leave a "Dear John" note...
Pack up Your Stuff, take Your Half of the Money out of Joint acct.s, etc. and let Him come home to You GONE...You'll be Safer and Happier that way...
Steve
Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL
God Bless You
I wish you all the best. You are very brave and will find someone much better. I just wish we could get all these DHs together and have them try to look after and discipline each other's children. They would not be able to take it for a minute and we SMs work hard at putting up with it for years.
yournotmyrealmom
Abuse
Abuse is a cycle. The "physical event", the "honeymoon, I'm sorry" stage afterward, then the build up to the next physical event. The longer you stay, the shorter and more violent the cycle gets.
Remember: there is NO reason or excuse to be hit. None. NONE.
The only guarantee you have is that....unless this man gets help..the abuse WILL get worse.
Get out...and let us know you're okay.
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