I would be fine with never seeing SD15 again. Is that horrible? Probably is, but I'm being honest here. I haven't had to see her since late June and of course she ignored me the entire time and sulked around the house and treated BDs 5 and 2 badly. So when my husband mentioned we might have SD for Labor Day, my stomach turned over and I immediately began to think of ways BDs and I could avoid her as much as possible.
I guess I never realized before just how much stress and anxiety she brings to my life. I would never tell husband NOT to have his visitation, but I'm sure he's the only one who enjoys it. BDs haven't seen SD since mid-July but they do not ask about her.
I took my oldest niece (17) to dinner last night with BDs and husband. Everything was so nice and easy, and at the end she said, "Thank you for the dinner, family." And it was so refreshing. She treats BDs (her cousins) SO well and they love her SO much. So it's not just a teenage thing. Niece was practically my child for several years when she was younger and came to my house after school and I had her and her sisters a lot of weekends as well. I disciplined her more than I do SD, and she loves and respects me.
I have come to the conclusion that it's just SD's personality and attitude. It is just something I cannot get along with.
I hear ya, girl...
Don't feel bad and don't feel guilty. I couldn't STAND either of my stepdaughters to the point where I could give a rat's ass if I EVER saw them or any of his family ever again in this LIFETIME and that was BEFORE the divorce. Oh, I tried desparately to delude myself into thinking I liked/loved them, even the ex after we buried the hatchet, but the truth is not a ONE of them ever gave a sh*t about me. So, ergo, I could give just as much of a sh*t about them.
Now that I am divorc(ing), I have NO stress, and I have seen the younger sd twice on occasion where I have to drop paperwork off at the ex's house and pick up mail. Of course, she is now adorable to me, she slinks up to me for a hug and asks me how I am...(of course, now that I am no longer "competition" I am sure.)
Anyway, not to make this about me (sorry, I have Universal Syndrome, as in the Universe revolves around ol' Fearless). I guess the point I'm making is, if your SD is an sh*t, don't feel guilty or horrible you don't like the kid...but consider, she is only fifteen...she may turn into a person, or, she may not...regardless, not your kid, not your problem, and you DON'T have to feel guilty about your feelings because SHE is a spoiled little a$$hole.
HUGS
Fearless
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Soon to be Fearless the Free!
I do not think that you are
I do not think that you are bad.. I have had those same thoughts. I havent seen my skids in almost a month.. and I am OK w/that.. HA.. He is picking them up tomorrow.. so I am starting to feel suffocated.. and they arent even here yet, so trust me.. I am the same way.
Its just drama. Drama from their mother.. the fact that they are being raised as wild animals and I have to try and change those things while they are in my home... Like putting their FILTHY feet on my new couches.. god that bothers me.. i want to say.. ummm.. can you go scrub those puppies first????
Anyway.. elizabeth.. you are not wrong or bad for your feelings. If I were in your position, I would feel the same way.
Did DH happen to notice how THANKFUL the neice was??? Does he consider her his neice as well!?!? My dh didnt really consider my nephew his nephew right away.. and he was born way after we got married.. I had to set him straight on that one.
Husband likes my nieces
He has always gotten along well with them. I used to say they were like a pack of puppies (there are four of them and only five years apart from oldest to youngest). You could add one or more kids to the "pack" and everyone just got along great and played and had a good time. They do have their moments when they do something annoying, but overall they are very good kids who are very respectful of adult authority. Doesn't matter who the adult is.
Funny thing is, at dinner I was talking about my niece leaving. She has been living with my parents for about six months after getting into some problems at home. She has been reprieved to return home (about an hour away). My BDs love her so much and I told her how much they and all of us are going to miss her. And husband said, "We've got a spare room at our house." Talking about SD's room. What do you make of that?!
Me too...
If that makes you horrible then count me in too. Step-son 15 is at our house this week again and I'm counting the days until he's gone. For the two weeks prior we had step-son 12, one of his friends and my former step-daughter 15 and we all had such a great time - so like you it's clear where the problem is. No question that if we'd have added SS15 to the mix it would have been miserable for everyone - he'd make sure of it.
I think your first reaction to the Labor Day visit of avoiding her as much as possible is probably best, although I suppose technically that was your second reaction since your first was to be sick to your stomach!
Me THREE
If i NEVER saw skids again, it wouldn't hurt me in the least (it would be TOO SOON). They have been cold, nasty, rude, fussy, finicky, disrespectful, loud, destructive, wasteful, unappreciative, spoiled, coddled, unhygenic, babied and basically BM bots.
me FOUR
When SD14 rang DH on Wednesday to say she would not be coming to our house this weekend, I inadvertantly hissed a little "YESSSS!" under my breath. Oops. DH heard me and asked me about it after his call. He was quite hurt and offended.
I gave him a quick rundown on her recent behaviour...sulky, rude, mean, disrespectful etc etc and said 'Honey, I will always make her welcome because she is your daughter, but forgive me if I don't start LIKING HER until she treats me differently. When someone is mean and nasty all the time, generally other people don't like 'em much. Why would it be different for SD?'
He thought about it and said 'Thats absolutely true' and gave me a hug.
BREAKTHROUGH!
Now we can enjoy the weekend with the other 4 skids who DO want to come.
me FIVE
Never again would be too soon
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