BM feels it is necessary to call DH out about SD13 appearance. SD used to have pretty bad acne, now she just has the scars and occasional acne. SD always has hair just pulled back in a ponytail or just on her head. BM was actually trying to call me out on the sly about it. DH said that SD appearance was BMs responsibility since BM didn't like what we were doing and decided to step in and take over.
DH & I would take SD to the hair salon EOW to have her hair washed, conditioned and styled but she had to maintain it within the two weeks. About a year ago, BM complained and said that she would be in charge of getting SD hair done. Fine. DH & I took a step back and went hands off.
DH & I have taken SD to pediatrician for acne. Dr. gave her Rx to which she didn't use. DH & I have bought every freakin product on the market for acne prone skin for SD. Again, BM didn't like how we handled it and felt that she would take charge. Fine. DH & I took a step back and went hands off.
BM has bought Proactive, to not much avail. BM recently took SD to dermatologist and Dr. recommended a topical cream or microdermabrasion. If insurance does not cover it, I am unwilling to pay for micro procedure as I feel the problem isn't the product(s). The problem is the user and I state that lightly. In order to determine if a product works or not, one would need to use it consistently to see results. SD does not use anything consistently. I have bought vitamin E oil, cocoa butter and anything else that says it fades dark spots left from acne. Most of the products are STILL in the medicine cabinet barely used. In fact, it took SD 4 months to finish a 60 day supply of ProActive.
Needless to say, I am not sympathetic to her plight any longer. It's almost as if I suggest it, she chooses not to do it. Fine, your face, your hair, works for you, works for me. Easy solution. SD actually wants me to baby her, leave it to her, she can't wash her hair, she doesn't know how to blow dry her hair, she doesn't know how to...
I am willing to teach her or show her, but I am not willing to do simple tasks that she should be able to do or trying to learn to do at 13. We won't even mention the fact that I suffer from Rheumatoid Arthritis and little tasks, such as holding a comb or blow dryer are not only difficult, but painful for me to do a lot of the time.
So, anyways DH reminds BM that she interfered with what we were doing and chose to take over, and we took a step back to allow her the opportunity to do what she said she would do. Out of nowhere, BM says to DH, "I know what the problem is, you LIKE me don't you?" To which DH replies "To be honest with you, you can drop dead and fall off the face of the planet and it wouldn't bother me one single bit." Can you say OUCH! BUt really, where in the hell did that come from?
I've always felt that she creates chaos and confusion because she wants him back and he can't stand the ground that walks on. Talk about crazy.
I have those problems too
My BD12 is a pain to get to do anything hygenine related. Brush her hair, brush her teeth, take a shower, not sleep in her clothes, etc. I think its a phase and I hope it does not last too long.
Me too!
Washing hands after going to the bathroom, changing underwear, using soap in the shower (discovered that SD-11 had been working on the same bar of soap for 6 months)... We got back from vacation and two DAYS after I told BS-4 & SD to brush their teeth before we left the house for some errands and she couldn't find her toothbrush because she hadn't UNPACKED it!!!
I hear that it's just a phase.
How long does that phase last?
SD15 has soap in her shower (she's the only one who uses it) that is peeling and separating into layers because it is so old. And she doesn't use body wash, so is she even washing at all? Keep in mind she hit puberty when she was 11, so regular cleaning is in order. Yuck!
Grooming & Hygiene
I have STRESSED grooming habits since the age of 7. When the kids wake up for breakfast I would politely say "I know everyone in my kitchen has brushed their teeth, washed their face and have clean hands." You would see them turn around and make a beeline for the bathroom. Still do that til this day.
When the kids would ask if they could play outside, have friends over, etc. I would ask "Are your chores done?, If I go and check, I will find everything as it should be? Has all grooming been taken care of?"
This would cause them to turn around and double check chores, and then go take care of hygiene and grooming. Once kids are old enough, parents should make them be responsible for hygiene and grooming. SS has a habit of forgetting the deodorant.
It got so bad that I purchased a small travel bag to keep in the car. In the bag is (travel sizes) $1 store toothbrushes, toothpaste, floss, lotion, deodorant and sanitary napkins. This bag remains in the car and I just add depleted items as necessary. This eliminated us having to turn around when we are half way somewhere because someone forgot to brush their teeth or whatever it was that day. This has worked well, even for DH and I on the occasion when you run out the house and forget to put on deodorant. As the kids have gotten older, we haven't really needed it much, but it sure does come in handy.
Sometimes the kids would play outside and come in and start doing other things and fall asleep...DIRTY. NO, no, no, no, no! The rule is now, that they don't even sit on the bed dirty and if they should feel so tired that they can't make time to shower, then they need to sleep on the floor. Guess what? I don't have that problem anymore either. They come in and fight for who is going to be first in the shower.
I just don't feel that one should expect another to be responsible for a 13 y.o. grooming and hygiene. I got tired of fighting about it and keep my pie whole shut, unless they are going with ME. Problem solved.
Step Mother's Motto this week is:
You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.
Try Sage Skincare
My skin used to be pretty bad I thought. I got my dad's skin unfortunately. My mom could sleep in her makeup and wake up looking great...If I don't use my products religiously, I turn skaggly really quick.lol
Seriously, go to zerozits.com (I don't know if we're allowed to post this kinda stuff here) and make a profile for SD. They'll tailor a regime for her skin...a good face wash, a scrub, zit cream and moisturizers. It will make a huge difference I promise. Proactive didn't work for me...try Sage, it works.
ps....no I do not work for them, I just am a very happy customer
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