I'm pleased to post that my situation with DH has greatly improved. The first three years of my marriage were stressful and I was about ready to throw in the towel. Thank GOD for you ladies and guys for helping me stand up for myself. You helped save a marriage. Here are the situations WE have resolved since then.
(1) DH no longer calls BM to check on his kids. He no longer feels free to run to BM's whenever he wants. This was a biggie for me as this was happening every day. He calls SS on his cell phone now. SD lives with us now. I threw a fit about this around Christmas after it ate at me for months. It took a couple of months but he finally got it. He wanted to know why I had never had an issue with it before and why was it such an issue now. My response to him was that I didn't realize how big an issue it was until I really started paying attention. If skids had been younger I could have understood this - maybe. But being that they weren't, I couldn't understand why he was doing this. It seemed like he couldn't let go of the old homefront. The fact is he was worried about his kids because of the situation they live in and SS continues to live in. I reminded him that when he divorced BM he let her be the primary custodian and that was his choice. He knew where the sitution would end up but did not want to press it with BM. But he could have.
(2) DH and I got life insurance on each other yesterday. We're splitting the cost. He initiated it once we discussed it and he saw where I was coming from. This had been a peeve with me since he had never worried about me in the event something happened to him. I had already thought about taking care of him on my paperwork. Of course, Dh had taken care of BM and the kids, why not me? His response was that he never saw it the same way I did. The house we live in is mine, I have my own vehicle and a good job, 401K and savings. I have no mortgage -just a vehicle payment. He thought I was set. Now he thinks different once we discussed his debt and how it would affect me.
(3) Speaking of his debt. He has signed up with CCCS. He has an appointment with them this week. Hallelujah!!
(4) No more casino trips. He has stopped this habit. His OCD did not help this situation at all. Definition of OCD = obsessive compulsive disorder. This became a major compulsion for him.
(5) DH has gained a few pounds since we met. About 25 to be exact. I believe in cooking for my man and he likes to eat it. He's been exercising some and working outside a lot this summer . He's dropped a couple of pounds the last week or two. He only drinks pop on the weekends and that's helped quite a bit keep the weight off. How this has helped my marriage - heck I don't know. He still looks pretty hot to me regardless of how many pounds he's put on.
The moral of this story is communication is key. Kindness to each other is key. People respond better to kindness rather than criticism (which I'll admit I did a lot of this in the beginnning). Having a few good friends (you guys) for discussion is key. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for all your help!
I'm not sure I have any reason to complain anymore. You probably won't see me posting as much. But I'll be here reading and keeping up with you all.
Harley
Glad to hear some positive news
Hey HG, I'm glad things are really working out for you guys. On this site we often hear a bunch of negative things (not by choice, it is just the nature of the beast - stepparenting). So, it is always good to hear positive things and celebrate in others small victories. Anything worth having is always worth working for. Wishing you continued success with your relationship. I'm sure your story will give hope to someone who is in the same situation that you are now coming out of .
My new StepMother's Motto:
When life gives you lemons... Make a damn good Margarita.
Kudos to you
sounds like you're on the right track! It sure is a LOOOONNNNGGG road, isn't it?
My BF used to call skids twice a day (called the BM's cell phone or home phone) to say good morning and good night. He's slowly learning that this act of kindness is NOT reciprocated by the skids; He's actually gone over a whole week w/o calling them and has been noticing (to his surprise) that they DO NOT call him!
He's also noticed that when skids are with us, SD stb 10, in particular, ALWAYS wants to call BM!!! He's noticing a double standard GREAT!
BF is always pressing marriage and life insurance. He has no debts now (had to file bankruptcy after being sodomized sideways thru the divorce) and after CS is taken out and gov't taxes, he brings home approximately 67% of the poverty rate for a single person! SO there's no way in HELL i could marry him until his CS drops to ZERO and that won't be until the year 2028 (it can go up to age 25 in NYS and youngest skid is 5 1/2).
I told him frankly that I don't want life insurance on me b/c I'm sure that the money will somehow end up in the ungrateful skid's pockets (he still has a BIG weakness to throw money that he DOESN'T have at them)
I could get a life insurance policy on him, but frankly, ever since I was an adult, I've always been the breadwinner (both of my marriages and now him)
I have a mortgage, but no debts and no car payment otherwise I couldn't afford to support him as I am doing now. BF continues to help out buy fixing the vehicles and doing extensive remodeling (he does a wonderful, awesome job) and contributes in that manner.
Good news
Ya gotta love good news. I'm glad you have been able to resolve some of your stuff.
Don't post less, we need your wisdom!
And crayon, I'd like hear more from you too! I love your posts
Wow!
Good job Harley . . this is good inspirational reading for me!! It is very impressive that you are addressing the issues so fearlessly
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Yay Harley!
I'm so glad that things are improving for you. It's nice to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Hi Harley - I am so glad
Hi Harley - I am so glad that your DH has finally "gotten it" - wish mine would...
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
Happy for you
I'm happy that you've made that three year mark! In teaching, they say if you can make it three years, then you have it made. I guess the same holds true for marriage. I'm quite literally at the end of my rope right now with DH and your post gives me hope. Like so many others out there, I wish my DH would "get it" too.
Cool, I'm happy for you..
We will be here when you need us - but you have to be here for us too.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Hey HG!
Where's your Ya Ya post?????
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
ya... Where is your ya ya post!!
And I haven't heard either way if my favorite okiegirl will be joining us in October...
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
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