BF and I originally filed a downward modification back last Nov when he took a decrease in pay. (It was really a "hidden" big hit b/c he no longer receives bonuses at the new job) But on paper, he took a $2 an hour hit.
He also could no longer provide insurance coverage with the new job as stated on the DD (he signed the paperwork agreeing to be 100% responsible for all skids insuurance needs with no contingencies) SIGH.
BM took over insurance for the skids upon notification from BF that he no longer has insurance for the skids
BM works for the gov't as a CPS worker and gets excellent benefits; she then covertly countered the downward mod by trying to retroactive her "losses" and recover 400% of what she was actually paying in insurance from BF by means of extra CS. (her attorney and ours had a LOT of continuances and the final hearing didn't occur until May)
We got off easy by only getting a slight increase in CS and not retroactive (the amount she was actually paying which was 13.50 extra a week to cover all three skids)
Currently his net income after CS is 50% less than the poverty self reserve (135% of poverty level for single person)
Of course this does not take into effect the EOW visitations in which of course, the food and utility bills skyrocket.
And of course, NYS does NOT take this in to consideration; they would rather the NCP dad take a full time 2nd job to provide for his needs.
NOW almost 3 mos after the hearing date, we received a court stamped copy of the order which notes that daycare expenses will be going down for the BM in September b/c youngest will be in school full time (she lied about the amount in the first hearing; no reason to believe she won't do it again) AND that ortho bill will go away for oldest in December.
Accompanied by the the court stamped order was a paper stating "information concerning the filing of objections and rebuttal in a proceeding before a support magistrate"
WHICH has the procedure for filing a written objection. We want the support to go down in September (due to youngest no longer needing extra daycare) and in December (due to ortho bill going away)
BF was verbally told by our attorney that he could just call in Sept. and get the ball in motion. But this paperwork is certainly confusing. Not sure if we should forward a copy to our attorney since no attorneys are listed on the paperwork (she DID use her attorney and we subsequently used ours)
Advice?
LAWYERS !
Definatly send all this to your lawyer. Have your lawyer explain to you what all this can mean, might mean, or will mean and what you can do about it. Also request receipts for everything. If BM pays for daycare make sure the kids go and not that she's "paying for informal care (aka her parents watch the kids and write an exorbitant receipt). Check into state statutes, most states have a limit on the amount of income a NCP has to pay although some dont. Texas has a straight formula they use, 1 = X% 2 = x%, where as Maryland takes both incomes, nights spent with NCP per year, daycare,health insurance premiums and travel expenses (to school, daycare and for visitation) into account and they come up with a number. Some states will allow you a modification once every 3 years, some will allow a court review everytime EITHER parent has a change in pay, allowing a CP who makes a LOT more then a NCP to receive more CS because THEY received a change in wages, therefore upping the combined income... does that make sense ?
Let the attorney handle everything, but voice your concerns !
~Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak!~
Unfortunately
the daycare worker is also the BM's friend, so she would be willing to write out a receipt for whatever the BM tells her to. She did that during the first hearing.
I'm sure BM is going to come up with some other type of "expense" to keep the CS from going down at all; why two days after the final hearing in May, BM was on the phone "concerned" about youngest SS 5 1/2's "intoeing" (one leg was 1/16" longer than the other) and that she had already scheduled an orthopaedic surgeon appt. BF was SOOO disgusted.
Ugh
Oh thats terrible =/ Im a BM with 4 kids. the youngest and oldest are not EH's but he's raised the oldest child... but he forgets he's not paying CS on her, even though he treats her like his child and demands things of me when it comes to her... but I'm not out to screw him. Now i have to pay daycare on all the kids, travel expenses to a gifted school for our daughter and he moved 3 hours away instead of closer when he got out of the Army and could go anywhere. I want the CS enforcable as well. The texas support oder isn't enforcable and the checks aren't coming when he "agreed" they would, now that he's paying on his own. If the situation were different then maybe i'd be a B, but he's living with his parents (he, his wife and HIS SS) and pays no rent, no daycare for her child and no CS on her daughter who she doesn't have custody of. All I ask is that the check come when he said it would (the 1st and the 15th) because I have things I need to do, like pay the car insurance so I can take the kids up to meet him for visitation lol.....
So I'm WAY digressing ! what kind of custody does BF have ? Joint physical and legal ? No physical and joint legal ? it will make a difference in ways where the BM may need to have him conculted before making any major medical choices (unless it's an emergency, i mean obviously he doesn't need a second opinion if she's been in a major car accident and needs life saving surgery) but certainly mention everything to the lawyers. Also i'm sure MOST states allow you the right to have receipts provided, and if she's paying WAY more then average rates in the area there's something that can be done.
I'm paying for more expensive daycare for my youngest then some other daycares because i tried the other daycares and the quality of care now is SO much better, but it's not a 200 a week difference or anything.
Talk to the lawyers, and hopefully something will work out.
~Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak!~
Supposedly joint custody on paper
But BM has always had her way and will abitrarily schedule her stuff on his time. BF will not make waves as he "doesn't want to FORCE the skids to come to visitation"
No matter how i explain how destructive this is to let BM yank around his visitation time, he will not "force them to come."
The older two seldom come anymore b/c we actually WORK on our weekends, doing yard work,etc. whereas at BM's house, it is video parenting to the MAX. skids just sit around all day eating junk food and watching tv/playing vid games; unless, of course BM has a "social function" and they are dragged out to that; valuable face time for the BM! After all, she is the PILLAR of the community! Oh yes and the skids must be signed up for every community and extra-curricular event; looks good for popularity and for the BM! Has the added bonus of keeping skids from interacting with BF (one on one parenting time) instead they are half heartedly kicking around a soccer ball, etc. etc. for the community center team!
He can file a contempt case
He can file a contempt case yes, however i'm someone who thinks kids shouldn't be forced to go depending on the amount of time spent. We have to drive 4 hours (2 to meeting place, 2 back home to either house) for him to have the kids Sat and 1/2 Sunday. the kids get shipped to SIL's house half the time, so i don't think the time and expense are worth it for THEM in the summer, when he could schedule a week off and take them for the whole week (which i asked about since Feb but never heard an answer so i signed them up for swim lessons, and horseback riding lessons (both of which i have to work in exchange for) etc) but he demands to "see the kids when i want to see the kids" but I have a job too and can't jump on his whim =/
Contempt might work if she's knowingly changing set , regular visitation. We have a court ordered visitation we've never followed, so how am i supposed to know if it's his weekend or mine ? lol
Also if he requests the kids on his set (say the 1st and 3rd weekends) and she refuses based on "other plans" you're certainly in the right !
~Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak!~
Exactly
He has EOW, BUT BM always schedules her family's camping trips, weekends with her and her main squeeze out of town, etc. on HIS weekend. We've had this discussion before and he will under NO circumstances file contempt on her. He is scared to death of her even though he knows he is in the right. He thinks it will traumatize the skids to hold their mom in contempt. (sigh)
Oh my friend...
I am so sorry to hear all this. Ariannda is right... you really need to convince him to file the contempt charge. Does he flat out tell her no ever when she tries to change things? He is teaching her that this is okay. He has no reason in the world to be afraid of her. There is nothing that she can do to him. He is the daddy and she can't ever change that!
Hang in there!! And really try to convince him to do it for the sake of your family.
Post new comment