Step Talk

Okay I have been to counseling three times and my FH twice and we are supposed to start our sessions as a couple next week but I don't think we are going to make it through the weekend. We have been fine with one another I have not brought up anything about BM or her damn phone - which is now off - well last night he noticed that I had bitten my nails down to the quick and they were bleeding and I usually have really nice nails so he asks me why have you done this to yourself? I calmly explained that the reason I was getting an extra session of therapy before we started next week was because all of this crap he gave me about BM's phone had made me sick to my stomach, I was having anxiety attacks, I was biting my nails, not sleepin etc. I also told him that I was so upset about the fact that it seemed that he was siding with BM and could not see how hurt I was by his betrayal and secretiveness with BM and that I didn't know if I could handle this because I am devasted by his lack of regard for my feelings. So I told him that I wanted an extra session to help me deal with getting my anger under control and help me figure out if this is the relationship that I want - one that is making me physically ill or can she help me figure out ways to deal with it on my own while he and I go together and work out our issues. HE FRIGGIN EXPLODED! He started telling me I did what you wanted me to with the #$%$# phone and even though it caused all this conflict with BM I still did it. Then he started with the whole thing is ridiculous and that he wasn't paying for it (we know that is a lie because he changed his story 3 times about how she got him $20!). And that even though he HATES BM and only tolerates her now for SD15 that I am just trying to control him because I hate the fact that ANOTHER WOMAN is controlling him. I ran in to the bathroom and threw up after I heard that. He just admitted that BM DOES control him. Then I come out and he is like well now she is not going to get another phone and it is costing me $20/mth til the contract is over (3/09) plus she will be calling my daughter all the time and since it is not on the same plan BM will be using all my minutes and I will probably have to pay for that too. I think my mouth was hanging open the entire time I could not for the life of me believe the shit that was coming out of his mouth. I have repeated to him over and over that you do not do things for other woman period. WE have a relationship. He just does NOT get it. We slept in seperate bedrooms again last night and he is supposed to be home in a couple of hours because we are leaving to go on vacation for 4 days and I can't stand the $#%@#$ sight of him right now. I told him you are more concerned about BM then your relationship with me your FIANCEE. I finally lost it and told him you and BM are sick and and why don't you move back there and just be with her and get outta my life? I told him yeah it would hurt me for awhile but I can move on with my life no problem. The counselour even told me all TIES should have been cut years ago and if there is something SD needs she can call herself since she has her own phone or BM can send an email or if it is an EMERGENCY she can call. NOT TO CALL 50 times a mth. Even if he doesn't answer he has to set boundaries with her and stick to them. The counselor thinks that all these things that I am requesting are normal and acceptable and that is the way that things SHOULD BE and that BM is a master manipulator and has beaten him to the ground for years and he doesn't know any other way in life. Now he is stuck btwn me and BM both making demands but he would rather fight with and try to justify his behaviour til the very bitter end. What I am so angry about and he said it last night is that even though he did I am angry that he still doesn't see it was a HUGE ISSUE. This guy makes over 6 figures a year and he is worried about $20? WTF. The therapist is going to tell him ALL this in our session and I bet you ANYTHING he is going to get defensive with her. He kepts repeating though that he wants therapy so we can fix "our" problems and make them better. I am not the one with the friggin problem - he's pissed off because he has let BM control him all these years and now that he is in a relationship with me I have called him to the carpet on all this bs and he does not like it. I told him in no way shape or form was I trying to control him. I told him that I was trying to HELP him realize that he has been a hostage to this woman for years and that I want OUR relationship to be strong so WE can have our life. The kid is 15 going on 16 and the whole thing makes me want to puke (again) My FH will NOT back down about BM because HE didn't feel it was a problem. I seriously am ready to tell him to stick this vacation up his ass, go to the grocery store get some damn moving boxes and getting him the #$%$5 out of MY house. I don't know if I can wait a whole week til we talk to a therapist - my heart is racing so fast I could be in the god damn hospital by then. Right before I went to bed last night he crawled in beside me and didn't say a word and I layed there for a while I just said out loud I hate your friggin guts - then got up and slept in the other room. Sorry this was so long.