Step Talk

this is a no-brainer. With this track record, BF will never cut the kid off. Kid will continue to mooch far into his adult years--read sarah101's blogs to get a glimpse of what's in store for you should you make this relationship even more binding. Your son is your only priority--well, except for yourself--and the dynamics in this potential step family are toxic for him. You will likely lose your son if you choose to put him in harm's way, at the mercy of a lout like FSS. I vote you end it completely, or table any thought of living together/marriage until FSS is under control or in jail.

I remain, the world's most evil stepmom; ask anyone.

Is that the way that you want to live the rest of your life? Personally, I would walk through fire or crawl through broken glass to protect my kds from evil and that is what you are dealing with. Its not going to get any better and more than likely its going to get worse. It doesn't matter how much you love the guy "sometimes love just isn't enough" and you already see that your H makes all of the campaign promises, but then he doesn't back it up. Sounds like your H is also involved with some kind of game, kicking you out and then begging you back. If it were me they would not need to kick me and my kid out because we would already be gone.

I'm so sorry you're going through all this! It sounds horrible to have to live that way. I think from what all you've said, you need to see a counselor to help you make the decision to put up with it all or leave him for good. My exH was abusive so I had no choice but to leave him, broken heart and all. I spent a long time hurting over everything...I didn't think I would live through it and most of the time didn't want to. but leaving him was the best thing I could ever have done. My dh is so wonderful...even when he irritates me and our life is a circus, I know that he loves me and is trying as best he can...they are men after all.lol I think your bf hasn't shown you respect or treated you very well unfortunately. You can love him all you want, but love doesn't get your car fixed or fix your bs's bruises.
I can't tell you what to do...it's your decision to stay or go, but I think the handwriting is on the wall. Bf isn't going to change, and you're losing out on alot of things. Is he the kind of person you've dreamed about your whole life? Does he meet the criteria for being a good partner? If not maybe it's time you moved on.

Those kind of kds don't leave home. They are still there when they are 45yo waiting for a hand out.

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How do you and other posters do that? How are you able to slip a post in wherever you want it rather than it being added to the bottom? Thanks

to the comment you directly want to respond to first. if you don't, it will automatically put your comments at the bottom of the list

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

first responsibility is to you bioson. If he is running away from home & having trouble in that house it is your obligation to protect him. Think of HIM FIRST.

If the relationship is worth saving, time will tell. Don't live with him, finish raising your son & date him. You only have one chance to raise your son, you'll have plenty of time for your boyfriend later.

Just my opinion. Good luck.

what happens, I am not, will not, consider living with him again until boys are out on their own. Therein lies the question of putting the relationship on eternal hold (bc I think it will be YEARS before FSS is put out to support himself) or walk out now with a broken heart and start my life over.

Second, run far and run fast. IMO it will only get worse. Oh and I would insist that BF fix my car.

I agree with Angel--your son comes first here. He needs and deserves a home that is not chaotic and where he feels safe. You can, and should, offer your son nothing less.

I suppose you were fortunate to get a "preview" of how life is going to be with FSS in the picture. Many of us (ME!) got married before we discovered that the stepbrat waters were much more toxic than we ever imagined. As soon as they see that they have any control at all, everything goes to hell.

Some questions before you take the plunge:

Are you willing to potentially live with and financially support this adult SS in your home for years at a time? His GF? Kids?

How would SS affect your relationship/marriage with BF?

Will your own son ever come for family gatherings at your home when SS is there?

Are you willing to have a significant portion of your own salary go to pay for SS and his mishaps? (Think bail).

Just a few realities when dealing with spoiled, arrogant, entitles teens that WILL turn into spoiled, arrogant, entitled adults.

From one who almost drowned in the toxic soup, please, PLEASE take a breath and consider all your options here.

Just want to say that your situation is very much like mine-
I moved with my son into the house where my H lived with his kids
It was their territory, and we were intruders. They will expect me to cook for them at any hour of the night....and misbehave in every way while their father is too afraid to discipline them- and then he asked us to leave because HIS kids were causing problems. Just like your situation, and also like your boyfriend, the one time H tried to discipline SD, by cutting off her free money if she didn't behave, she only got worse and worse until he resigned to doing everything she wanted again.

And like you, I'm still in love with the guy.

I can't give advice, because I'm still in the situation and haven't been smart. But just wanted to say, it's awfully similar, and the kid will leave when he grows up, he'll just get worse- by the way, my skids have a psycho mom who will not help take care of them, but is constantly trying to get attention from my H.

It's not going to get better, probably- does he ever consider that YOUR son has just as much reason to be angry as his, but yours is behaving?