Step Talk

Unless BD 2 is just like me.

Because though BD 2 mentioned SD throughout her absence, and got excited to see her again when she went down to ILs with DH to pick her up, BD 2 is over her being home and already yelling for her to go away.

This was a problem before SD left big time. From the time BD 2 could say NO, she has said it to SD. She only throws tantrums with my sons when they correct her, and that's only a recent thing.

But she will tell SD "NO GO AWAY!" the minute she sees her. SD reacts by FORCING a hug or kiss from BD 2, which only angers BD 2 more, then SD holds on tighter, etc.

I have tried to tell SD nicely that with little ones you have to let them come to you.

SD gets mad at me if I try to help her relate to BD 2 better. She is like this with anything that takes calmness and patience. She smartly snaps, "She just HATES me."

A few months ago SD told me that her friend hoped her mom had a baby boy because baby sisters are brats. I was peeved. If that's what SD is projecting then BD 2 is likely picking up on it. I'm sure BD 2 also is picking up on DH and my frustration as well, but we try like hell not to reinforce Anna's intolerance of SD. As a matter of fact, BD 2 is so verbal, that I have had several talks with her already about how it's not nice to yell at SD, to please stop that. If SD tries to hug and kiss BD 2 and she doesn't like it, she is allowed to say no. But "no thankyou" is appropriate to her sister regarding a kiss or hug. This is tough because I have reservations about telling BD 2 anything that might imply she doesn't have a right to say no to a touch, you know?

My sons do this naturally with her. If they ask for a kiss or hug and she says no, they usually say, "ok then" or act like she hurt their feelings, then she says "Sorry" and hugs them to make up. But if she doesn't they instantly drop it and laugh at her silliness. SD does not.

This morning I had blood work. My appt wasn't til 10:30 so I took BD 2 with me. SD was mad and started an argument about how I still won't trust her with BD 2. I told her that BD 2 was still getting used to her being back, and the way she was yelling at SD again, I couldn't leave her here if she won't behave with SD or listen to SD.

SD said, "Oh so it's good enough for your boys to watch her but not me."
ME "She only throws a tantrum with them if they correct her or put her in time out. Not when they are just playing with her or hanging out."

SD "that's because she's always treated me like that."

Me "Well, I can't leave her with you til we resolve that so she will listen to you. How can I leave her here when she won't do what you need her to without throwing a tantrum?"

SD "I'm bigger. I can make her do whatever I want."

Shared that one with DH. He responded with, "NICE. Nope. Not the right attitude to watch a two year old."

I thought, if I were interviewing a sitter and my two year old reacted like that with them, then they said they could just "make her listen" because they are "bigger than her."

They would definitely NOT be hired. And would be fired if they had already been hired.

So....

It's not me.

Her personality does affect everyone around her.