Step Talk

Doesn't your friend understand?

Women know more and better on this one then men. Maybe you can reach her.

OR...

Why can't you go too?

You know, I was actually the 'other woman' (not with anyone's husband I ever met- obviously I can't judge but I do know myself well enough to know I couldn't wrong a woman I knew- let alone a best friend- just can't GET THAT! I once asked a good friend of mine, who lived in UT if she would care if I dated an old flame/BF of hers from HIGH SCHOOL who lived near me (we were out of school FIFTEEN YEARS. So that's how seriously I take my friendships. By the way she laughed and warned me, "No...I don't mind. But are you forgetting he's cheap?")

SO...

Having even been on the other side of the fence from yours, having my heart torn out because this man was going to leave his wife when everything happened, then toiled back and forth for a year, then stayed and completely devastated me...

I have some trust issues, not because of being involved in the affair, but because my heart was ripped out and torn to bits.

So...

I tell DH upfront if something seems unkosher. He knows the history, and why I am no blindly trusting woman.

When I lived here a month or so, DH was working out of state every week, M-Th. One night he left his wallet out in the bathroom and I picked it up to move it so I wouldn't get it wet. It was so overstuffed it didn't close well and my eye caught the unmistakable red foil wrapper of a condom.

Let me just tell you it's safe to say...

my eyes were instantly seeing the same color of the wrapper.

I went to bed.

I lied awake for several minutes.

He leaned over to give me a kiss goodnight and I said.

"Why is there a condom in your wallet?"

He looked confused, then sat up and thought about it. Then said, "There is?"

Ummmm.... YEAH. There IS.

So he told me that before he met me that he had several internet dates (like 20 or more) and wanted to be "prepared" should one of them go extremely well.

That was annoying. And not entirely bought I must say.

But...the next night the condom was gone and I never found any in a wallet, suitcase, pocket again.

He was actually impressed I didn't start raging like he was used to with BM.

Men just don't get how easily insecure we are. We know that they are capable of being outright cads. They know we know. So why are they so oblivious to these things that might look bad to us, hurt us, bring out our darkest fears?

Talk to him. Tell him please don't go. He has GOT to understand why. And besides, YOU are SM of the year for all you have gone through for his daughter. He needs to show you that your feelings are important and valid.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

I told him he would come home to an empty house and a suit for visitation rights to SD. I told him I would drag him through court worse than the BM is right now! And since I am handling it all being on his side, being againts him would be easy. I actually informed him of that the other day. I know I sound like a raging lunatic, but he really struck a nerve on this one. He has already said that he would not go, but it was the fact that he was going to and never thought about the situation. I mean my friends husband is DH's best friend too. How would that make her hubby feel. I think they both are dumb asses for not thinking that one through. I am sure it is because it really was completely innocent. But I am not taking any chances. Still think he is a moron right now.

"Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head." ...Martin Mull

I'm glad he's not going...

But I was hoping you could get to use the "How would YOU feel if I went to a conference with YOUR best friend... scenario. I was very proud of that analogy at the time. I think most of us women (especially the ones here) are far better at thinking through our actions to the other persons feelings, then our DHs are.

I guess it wouldn't transfer as well in your situation. Maybe...

How would you feel if I went off and made plans to stay at a crack house with some guy pals you never even met?

Then perhaps he could remember a similar betrayal of trust.

I like this! It's like method acting for real life!

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

You my friend are experiencing "learning from the past". You learn by the past mistakes you made trusting the situation and the wrong people. I wouldn't have it either. Why tempt fate here? It is not just a trust issue but one of of staying in a smart situation. Your DH wouldnt' like it if he had a good looking male friend traveling out of state with you. If your DH is anything like mine when wants to do something he will turn it around like I am the crazy one. He never puts himself in my shoes. I don't understand why your DH doesn't get it either!!! Hang tough girl!

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"

making me sound crazy! But I am not your ex and I wouldn't do that. Well if you choose to be a moron you will become my ex!!! Hahahahahaha

Thing is, he REALLY would not mind if I went out of town with a guy. He has such complete and utter trust in me that is is disgusting. Maybe if I told him I was leaving town with his cousin who has had a thing for me for three years (and I made the mistake in the middle of a fight one time... told him that I should have f**cked his cousin when the opportunity arose..but I did not!) Maybe Sita's ideology of the "how would you feel" would hit him if I used THAT analogy! I am still pissed this morning and he he does not know why. Why did God make men so clueless!?!?!?!?!

"Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head." ...Martin Mull

i used to say this phrase in high school, when we all know how dumb boys are then, but honestly, ten years (gasp! ugh) later, its every bit as applicable.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

Girls come from the land of sugar and spice and boys come from the stupid factory. I have the same problem with my DH, they just don't think before the act or say something completely idiotic.

~Evil

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren

I think you should ALL go and then YOU and I can go to the bar!!

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

that sounds like the best plan yet!!!! I would LOVE to getthe chance to hang with you CG!!!

"Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head." ...Martin Mull