Step Talk

I hear ya!

I am with ya!

I know you were 'sickened' by my blog (as am I) and I told him-

"if you don't fix this now, I'd rather walk away now than live the rest of my life like this."

I've read all of your stories on these boards, ladies. And I know from hearing your pain, that I don't want to go through some of what you've gone through, especially as the 'kids' reach adulthood- because we all know the problems don't end once they turn 18!

It might not be the 'right' thing to do or what the 'experts' say to do, but I'm putting my foot down and doing what's right for me in my marriage, and that is...

taking control over these unruly, unappreciative, spoiled, out-of-control kids and getting my DH to step up to the plate and fly right!

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

I love this part..

"HEY, I'M MARRIED NOW, MOMMY NEEDS TO GET A CLUE AND GET A FREAKIN LIFE AND MOVE ON!!"

There's a difference between looking out for your kids and just looking stupid.

"I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it." Dorothy Parker US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)

It's funny, I heard SD asking DH last night about her health insurance. He told her she was covered until she was 18 then she would have to be a full time student to be covered after that. She asked, then what happens? He said, you get a job and get your own insurance. I swear I felt a vacuum in the house as she gasp; "a job, ugh". Nice. DH better hope she marries well.

~Evil

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren

EXACTLY!

AMEN!! AMEN!! AMEN!!

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

My little perfect Mom (SD20) is SO put upon and has it SO hard. We are invited to a wedding shower in a few weeks. The invite came with two recipe cards. One of her favorite games is the poor me, I am so helpless game. (So - I can't cook, or help clean or do any chores, and if you ask me too - you OBVIOUSLY don't understand how hard it is to be me...)

I asked her what recipe she was going to provide? "Oh, I don't know what I can do, I don't know how to cook. The only thing I can cook I never wrote down, I don't know anything about cooking..."

So, being the kind, caring, mentoring, child-eating, ogre that I am, I said - oh good. On Monday, you can cook this. On Tuesday, you can cook that. Each day this week, until you find a recipe you are comfortable with sharing, you will cook dinner for your father and I. That is a great thing! You will be able to pick a really good recipe for your cousin, and learn to cook, all at once! A skill you need for when you are on your own!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA - um yeah, the mac and cheese was good last night. the recipe card is filled out. I'll be cooking this evening. But that's ok too...

LOL! fearless...u crack me up! i love the way u say things...u could be a comedian!

BUT heres the thing...what u said is exactly rite. i am a child of divorce and was never treated so entitled. did it ruin my life?? NO, in fact it made me the awesome, strong, independent, hard working gal i am today! my mom never taught me that i should have everything and people should feel bad for me bc mommy and daddy dont live together w me anymore. screw that. blended families and children of divorce (sadly) are becoming the norm...its at least 50/50 now. and these "poor little children" actually get a whole lot bc of the situation...they get 2 (in most cases) 2 of everything...bday parties, holidays, presents, bedrooms, sets of clothes, entertainment systems, the list goes on, not to mention the 2 families of mom and her new family (if any man in his rite mind decides to marry these psychos) and poor dear old dad who works his ass off to provide for the kid(s) while mom sits on her butt and collects her paycheck and brainwashes the kids into thinking that SM is evil and daddy doesnt love them as much as he loves his "new" family. it makes me sick.

how about feeling bad for the poor kids of the "2nd family" who dont get 1/10 of what these entitled "suffering children of divorce" get...poor dad cant afford to care for them in this way and poor mom (SM) cant either bc shes busy making up all the financial slack and paying all the bills bc they are struggling due to dads CS payments??? they are the kids we should feel sorry for...but do we? no. do we as their BMs allow our kids to expect so much and use that as a crutch to be a spoiled, disrespectful, rude little brat?? NO. and curse the dads for allowing their kids to grow up like this and treat adults this way!

not ALL dads and skids are like this, so im referring to...and ONLY to...the ones who are. like i said, i am a child of divorce and it NEVER taught me to act this way, in fact, it taught me to take care of myself bc god knows if u will ever get a man to stay w u who will.

leaping off my soapbox...peace out

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

counseling...last chance. i liked being single...A LOT..BF is great and all but this BM stuff is really getting to me. i'm hot on the inside ALLLLLLLLLLLL the time. he knows i'm not playing any games with this any longer. i believe my words to him was put your hand in your pants and find your ba&&s because i think you may have lost them...be a man and stand up for what's right. if i have to run this part of your life i'm not going to like you very much or respect you. hey it felt good saying it no matter how wrong BUT do you think it helped?? no, ofcourse not...i think all he heard was blah blah blah...out of one side of your mouth you talk marriage...out of the other side you act like you still have a wife...PICK ONE!! soooooo, counseling is our last chance for love...aint that a song?? lol ya it's super frustrating but i guess the power comes from knowing that you DO have a choice in it all. i will not have them dictate my life and be responsible for my unhappiness...i love me and i respect me and you had better do the same...all of ya'll BM, SD FMIL and all. ooh how i remember the times when it was just me and my lil doggie...ahhhh sweet thoughts.

Now there'smy girl! Love the fire!!! Guess the Xanax is working. Hahaha. And it is so true! That is my ex husband to a friggin T. No wonder his wife despises me.. he is always trying to suck up to me when there is no need for it. And the weekend warrior tries to make up for never spending time with his kid by spending butt loads of money on her. So of course the SM to my daughter has anomosity towards me and my daughter. And whose fault is it??? The MAN!!!

Thank God that I have one of those few men that stepped up and make sure that I came first!!!

"Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head." ...Martin Mull

Fearless...I think I'm in love with you. Anyone who uses the term "Little Lord Fauntleroy" is #1 in my book (this term is a personal favorite of mine that I always use). AND, everything else you had to say is 110% right on.

I'm also sick of hearing..."Well...what can I do..." As my bf slopes and shrugs his shoulders simultaneously. GEE...how about discipline them every once in a blue moon when they commit theft and lie and how about telling their drunk mother to do pound sand up her butt.

I'm blessed with a husband who is a jerk in plenty of other ways, but in this way, he has been a complete saint. So even though I can't complain about this myself, I will definitely campaign on your behalf!

♥ ANNE 8102 ♥

my DF is so far up his ex wifes ass he cant even see it!!! I totally agree with you!!!

I'm with you! We tell the Skids "This isn't BM's house. We buy food and shelter here. We don't buy toys and guilt trips and live off the government and ex's"

~Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns~

Counseling is my last choice as well and FH is so stupid he doesn't even see I'm about ready to give him his walking papers. It is supposed to be OUR life not yours and HERS. Thank god the SD is a good kid and we don't have any problems with her but if counseling doesn't work I want my life back so I can move on. I was perfectly content before I found out BM had a noose around my FH's neck and tightened it all the time.

Oh, Im with you on this one!! These men,( hmmm ) need to stop bringing their unfinished business into our lives. I spent some time dating a man that tried these things with me. Weekend pick ups were my favorite...kidding....I would sit in the car while he went in Exs house. The poor little ones apparently could not walk out the door without his assistance. And it took about 20 minutes. The same thing on the return. I felt like a dog sitting out in the car waiting. It did not fly with me. It got even worse until I pulled out. Funny thing is ... a month later, he had another nice lady along for the ride from hell. Same crap, he just changed women. Unbelievable.

My next relationship also included a child. I set the boundaries from day one. I told him, if you think you need to be in her home for any reason, you will not be in mine. It worked.

And I have noted some of these guys actually get physical when the SM's step up and says enough! I think it shows their true selfish mean character. I think it is the general stupid line of thinking is just because we married a man with children our lives become ALL about the children. I didn't marry the children I married my husband. WTF!!! I didn't get married to have MORE responsibility. I had enough on my own. I got married to enhance my life not take away from it. I HATE the legal phrase "For the Best Interest of the Children" The children are well taken care of. WHAT ABOUT OUR INTEREST???? Do we legally lose that when we marry a person with children. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Oh Fearless I so envy your freedome at times.

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"

I think we all know the "truth"...inherently, men are STUPID. They
just ARE. They can't handle multiple responsibilities like we women
can; they don't have the physical issues we have; and, like IDIOTS,
we coddle them, nurture them, talk through ISSUES with them, LOWER
our own standards, etc.

IT IS TIME for us to UNITE and say NO MAS!! I have a VERY LOW tolerance for stupidity, personally, and I am totally empowered by
this site. It's awesome to read INTELLIGENT blogs and responses, and
it makes me think sometimes that I'd be better off on MY OWN. Who needs their horsecrap??

AMEN SISTA..I FEEL YA AND VERY VERY WELL SAID!!!!

Oh Fearless, I was laughing on the inside as I was reading your post. Not because it was funny ha ha, but because it is nearly verbatum what goes though my head on a daily basis and it's either laugh or cry. I choose to laugh. I took a different approach a while back and tried to look at it a different way. Everytime BM screams "It's for the chillllllllldren" and DH repeats it..I remind him that he left her to "make a better life for the kids" (his words) and by repeating the same patterens and cowtowing to her was not accomplishing his intention. He sort of acts stuned, takes a bit of my strength and gets back on track. I agree Fearless, none of us should put up with BM's rules or wishes. If DH wanted to do that he should have stayed with her and not have wasted our time. If I wanted to live by her rules...I would have married her! YUCK!
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"All power is from within therefore under our control." - Robert Collier

That is the one phrase that can bring me to want to kill.

I have watched my Dh bend over backwards to please the ex in the interest of "the kids." Between that and "well, she IS the mother of my children." (aka evil spawn)I want to puke.

I honestly don't mind if it is not something that she has created to benefit her solely and has not used the kids to get what she wants. But, sadly, it is not ususally that way.

Why is it that our guy's can't she this s*$t coming a million miles away?