Step Talk

what is wrong w/parents who create these little hellions? I dont get it......

Your SD and mine are the same person
I love with how her list just ends in "anything else I want" basically

I hope, if she's really going to that school, she actually gets good grades.

Does he ever talk to you about this stuff, or does he get mad when you bring it up? With that many kids, can he really afford to spend all of that on just one?

Maybe you should take that list, add up the cost of everything on it, and hand it back to her. He should tell her if she really wanted things like that, she should have worked.

But of course, for these dads...

I'm sorry, I can't post on this blog because I have to go empty my stomach of all of it's contents.

I feel your pain, sista!!!
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Soon to be Fearless the Free!

but the damage is already done. It came out of the 'divorced dad guilt' syndrome, which was firmly in place by the time I came into the picture.

He does see that it was wrong and how his lavish spending on them has caused all three daughters to react in different ways (all negative).

He's trying to reverse his habits and to his credit, has does a great job in slowly tapering the buying down, but it's still out-of-hand. And like I said, it's their attitude which is the worst part. If they were more appreciative and less snotty about the things they had, I don't think it would be as big of an issue with me.

Fortunately for my DH, it's not about the money, as he has a high income. But it's all about the attitude. They need to see that daddy is not a 24-hour ATM that they have access to anytime they want. Real life does not work that way. And I WILL not sit idly by and watch the things he's worked so hard to achieve be sucked dry as they grow up and feel 'entitled' to his money forever...

I have read the stories of the adult stepkids on this site. Unmotivated, worthless, bloodsucking adult children who could care less about their parents (usually fathers) unless they need money. And I told my DH flat out I refuse to have that be my life with him. I told him I would not bail out adult children's credit card debts, drug habits, lazy lifestyles, etc. And if that was the case, I'd take what I walked into the marrige with right now and walk away because I care too much about him to watch them do that to him.

And he agrees. And we're taking serious steps to make sure that doesn't happen. I just hope he holds up his end of the bargain.

But it still pisses me off when I see that attitude from the kids- because it's just so...UGLY.

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

I feel you!! Daddy's the Open Wallet...and it really is good that he's taking steps to be otherwise!! And it is ugly, and nauseating (their attitudes I mean!!) I have a feeling you and I were raised the same way!! I wouldn't DREAM of behaving like that!!

Hang in there, girl, I am proud of you!!
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Soon to be Fearless the Free!

I'll bet the whole situation is just driving you crazy! My SD15 is the same way. Husband bought her a $200 leather coat and then had to return it after Christmas because she didn't choose it herself and therefore wouldn't wear it.

If you go through SD15's room you will find countless items that have never been removed from the wrapper or had the tags removed. In her mind it's how much money you spend on her. She might never use the thing but she wants you to be out the money.

The ones it irks the most are my parents. They are on a limited income and try to always include SD in gift-giving opportunities (Christmas, birthday, etc.). She never appreciates anything they give her, never says thank you, and then doesn't use the item. You name it. A bulletin board and pictures to match her decor, SD put them in the basement. A gift card to Blockbuster, never used and I'm sure now expired. A fleece pullover with the tags still on.

They finally stopped buying things for SD with my blessing. If she can't be appreciative, she obviously doesn't need it.

Wow, Elizabeth, did you hit a nerve!
My family (mom, sister & brother & their families) have always been good to the girls from day one. They always tried to treat them just as they would my own 2 boys. Birthdays, Christmases, Graduations, etc- all events were treated as if they were always part of the family. And my family is quite generous!

And the girls are the same way- never appreciative. Never use half the stuff they are given. Finally I had to say, "Stop buying for them." But they wouldn't. So now they just give them cash or bank cards instead.

And here's the kicker... their OWN BLOOD relatives (both DHs family and their BMs family) rarely give them gifts as nice as my family (if they even give them anything), who only met them 5 years ago-

So wouldn't you THINK they'd be a little more appreciative that relative strangers are giving them gifts and their own family basically forgets about them?????

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

5TEENS - I would completely separate my money from his so you know with 100% certainty that none of your money is going towards those spoilefd, ungrateful brats!! UUGGHHHH - my god this infuriated me - I am almost as mad as FEARLESS IS RIGHT NOW!!

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

But it's still infuriating.And disgusting. How could it NOT be?

I didn't raise my 2 boys to act this way and I don't want it rubbing off on them, either. (And if I see that kind of attitude rearing it's ugly head in either of them, I quickly nip it in the bud right away.)

I was raised that if you wanted something, you went out, worked hard, earned the money yourself, saved, and finally bought it. Period. (I know- Silly me!)
Nothing was handed to you on a silver platter. But these girls have NO CLUE. Everything's instantaneous- no hard work required.

-TV broken? BOOM. Daddy will replace it by the time you get home.
-Laptop running slow? Put it on your Xmas list or birthday list and get a new one.
-Don't like your cell phone? Drop it in the toilet, say it was an 'accident' and instantly get an upgrade 3 months later to a new and improved one!

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

Has been my saving grace. I think I would have lost my shit with DH by now if we didn't have seperate finances. My Dh spends over $4000.00/year just for extra curricular activities for SD now, I can't imagine what he will spend when it comes to college. Sd has also lost or damaged 2 cell phones, a very nice ipod (I don't even have a damn ipod) held game systems, also not cheap, and clothing out the wazoo. Of course DH replaces everything but does not teach responsibility, it's really a shame. Like I said on another post, DH needs to pray that she marries well.

~Evil

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren

We do a lot of open burning b/c we live in a heavily wooded area where we have to keep brush at bay. The other day I looked at the fire "pile" and there was SD's (9 1/2) easle we had purchased for her (ONE of her x-mas or easter gifts, relatively new, less than a year)

I asked BF if he had thrown it into the pile and he said "no" and I told him that "you know I wouldn't have thrown a perfectly good easle into the fire pile. . ."

SD must have tossed it when we were in another area of the house!!! They all have toys and games and books that are completely untouched. Unless it's a video game like guitar hero, it is completely abandoned by all three skids.

I will NEVER forget last X-mas where BM put all three skids on the phone to tell us that they hated their X-mas gifts from us (expensive ones at that) this was AFTER SD had made up a false child abuse report conspiring together with the CPS worker BM.

Youngest SS stb 5 at the time was literally having a tantrum on the phone. I told BF that I would have turned right around and taken the gifts back, donating them to appreciative children.

Of course he didn't. He "apologized" to them for "ruining their x-mas"

I was raised in a cult and NEVER HAD A X-MAS!!! I would have done HANDSPRINGS as a child to just get an ORANGE never mind an actual GIFT!!!

and make sure neither does your DH. are you guys obligated to pay for her $50K a year sexual romp in college? i mean seriously! i like evilsm's suggestion about having separate things/money etc. to PROTECT YOU from his monster of a child.

i tell ya, stories like this are enough to make any woman reconsider entering into a relationship with a man that already has kids. it's sickening.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

Remind her that she has a job, buy it herself. As for college I paid my own way and my mother bought my books. I'm still paying to loans.

~Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns~

I'm tempted to say, "Wow, she's in for a rude awakening when she hits the real world" but chances are, she won't get a rude awakening unless her father puts a stop to this horrible spoiling. I feel sorry for her future husband!

it is not you SD fault its your DH my dad is the same with me gives me everything i want. im sure you SD will in time see that it is wrong to do this tho at her age (not that long ago for m e) i was the same no at 20 i dont ask for nothing i have my own place im struggling like mad all of my clothes are on a last limb and i still wont ask for nothing so keep your chin up she should change but you DH wont x

life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )

One silver lining in all this overindulgence on the spoiled brat is that she'll never find a guy who is up to the unrealistic standards set by her father. Thanks, Dad.

These girls want nothing less than the richest of men and disregard the rest. Unless the spoiled brats are good looking and have some social grace and standing, they don't have a chance with the rich guys. For one thing, the parents of the rich guys will see through it and make sure their son chooses someone else.

This means that your DH will save a lot of money on a wedding--because it won't happen. Hey, I try to find any silver lining I can in these situations, and I know a wedding for a spoiled brat is much, much more expensive than a $900 Burberry trenchcoat!

This is exactly how life is playing out for my DH's spoiled brat SD24. She finally found a stupid rich guy to buy her things in exchange for sex, but his parents who fund him don't like her at all and will untimately find a "more appropriate" girl for their son.

That's life.

I told my DH (ok, kinda yelled at him) that she better put this 200K education to good use and get a damn good job out of it or marry someone really rich, because after she gets out of school, the gravy train is OVER and reality begins.

But you're absolutely correct- what kind of perspective in-laws would want a spoiled little entitled girl like this for their son?

By the time I was out of college I was making my own way in life. We already have plans to turn her bedroom into DHs music room by next year, so there's NO WAY any kids are coming back after college.

Bye-bye little birdies- fly away! And we're not funding your new nests, either!

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis