I hate being all doom and gloom but I am just stuck in a rut that I don't quite know how to get out of. I had the worst break-down EVER this weekend (and my mother-in-law was in town to witness the whole thing!) When I say that I had a break-down I mean a crazy, can't breathe, shaking, talking to myself break-down. I am so upset when we get my skids because my SS3 is being told that I beat him, that I am mean, that I am scary, etc. So my sweet little SS it LITERALLY terrified of me and once we finally get him back to "normal" its time to return him to BM and the whole cycle starts back up the next time we have him.
I can't tell you how much it pains me to have this precious little blue-eyed boy look at me with big tears and the look of sheer terror on his face, to have him scream out for help when I walk by him.
I'm just beside myself.
My dad offered me some advice, he told me to back off. He told me to let SS come to me. I have to say that I tried it and by God it worked! By Sunday SS was constantly saying "Mommy look!" or "Mommy I love you!" or whatever else popped into his mind.
But I'm still just dreading the next visit.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Oh yeah, and DH and I got into a HUGE fight because of my crazy-person breakdown, which didn't help matters.
clue less
sorry i have no idea what to say to you if it were me if your dads advise worked keep doing that. also have you tried getting something out you know he loves that way he will defo come to you. dont ask him to tho
life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )
Can you prove that your ss
Can you prove that your ss is being told to be afraid of you? If so, courts will take false accusations like that into account. Bm could get in a bunch of trouble if she is planting these ideas in his mind. The tricky part is proving it.
I think this is one of those things that will take time. It will take him time to figure out that you aren't going to hurt him. I know it must be incredibly frustrating to be in your shoes.
Do you ever keep your ss when its just the two of you? I think that would be a great idea. It would help him realize that you aren't his enemy and force him to come to you.
I feel bad for this little guy!!!
I feel bad for you, too!
And I can so relate to the break down. I had one in front of the neighborhood kids one time. Yeah, not pretty. I was crying hysterically and absolutely out of it. They were staring at me like I had gone crazy. My husband was beyond angry with me. He couldn't believe it. Later on, I told him that I just "broke" and that something had to give or I was going to have to get out of this situation before it killed me.
All you can do is your personal best. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Thanks Pixie
You're right.... proving it is VERY tricky and from what I've experienced damn near impossible.
For instance, a forensic psychologist determined that my SD8 was being coached to say that my son sexually touched her; however we couldn't prove WHO coached her. Of course we know its BM, but BM lives in a house with her sister, her brother, her mom and dad and a few other adults so all she had to do was deny that she had coached SD and it would be impossible in the court's eyes to determine WHO coached SD.
Even with all of the false CPS reporting and patterns etc, it is impossible to prove that she is filing out of spite and not concern.
It is extremely frustrating and I cannot believe that anyone would cause such harm to their own child just because she cannot move on.
dont be so sure BM will get in trouble
BM accused me of abusing SD, physically and emotionally, and accused my SS15 of molesting her, both which were unfounded and proven as such by the courts, and BM didnt even get so much as a stern talking to. in fact, instead of calling her out on the fact that she was lying to get an increase in CS and make dad look bad, or just lying in general, they actually said that she was just checking into what her daughter said. BULL. SD is 3 and she would NEVER say the things that BM accused us of, bc she wouldnt even know what it all meant and besides that, how/why would SD make up those lies? its sad. the courts are so pro-bm in most cases.
conflicted, if u need someone to talk to about this who has experience and maybe can help u deal, bc i went thru the same stuff u are going thru now, feel free to pm me. im here any time u need. hugs and hang in.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
You have to be able to prove
You have to be able to prove conclusively that the bm is acting maliciously and not with the sole intent of upsetting the apple cart. That is very tough to do. But many states have provisions to award custody to the other parent if they can prove that one parent maliciously makes accusations to frustrate the child's time in the home. Maliciously is the key here. If the bm can get away with saying she was just checking into things, then she's not likely to get into trouble.
but thats the thing
WE know she was doing it maliciously...she still is as of last visitation SD made a remark about SS "not touching" her and so on. but the courts just buy rite into it...just like the courts rarelt recognize and acknowledge PAS and MMM, but WE know they exist.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Bellacita, I wish there was
Bellacita, I wish there was some way you could prove it. I just hope that in your case, the kids one day realize what a piece of crap their mother is to cause them so much distress. She sounds like a piece of work.
pinkpixie
i really hope youre rite...but w the way SD is up BMs ass all the time and vice versa (the women works PT, only one day shift, so shes home every day w her), the brainwashing, etc, i really doubt SD wil ever get it. shes spoiled and babied and will be a mini BM im sure. heres to hoping...
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Don't worry about the breakdown
Girl BM has gotten me to a point that I could sit in a corner drool, swat flies, and try to bite my own face!!! Every so often I would spontaniously yell "DOH"!!!!
She is so frustrating and we are so powerless to do anything to stop her.
That is ok though. SS will eventually grow up. Mine did and now they know it is their mother playing the stupid games.
"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"
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