Step Talk

Oh...this is a big issue for me. My bf's kids are like this. His daughter (16) recently stole $3,000 from him that he had hidden in a mason jar. He talked to the kids, they insisted they didn't take it. His two oldest sons told him separately when it happened that they heard the 16 year old daughter was blowing about $500 a piece on all her friends. That kind of proves she took the money. He claims he doesn't have proof, so he flat out told me he never wants to discuss it again and the issue is dropped. All that does is set the bar higher...what's it going to be next time?

Thats just it ITS YOURS TO BEGIN WITH..I dont blame you I wouldnt let it drop. If things gets gone after a visit with SS and no other time thats got to tell you something. I feel you at feeling mean and vindictive, since the fh and I have been living together I have had and do have so many feelings. Feelings I never thought I could have I now have them. And it doesnt make us bad ppl Ive learned it only makes us human. Hope things gets better for you and you get your things back.

so im rite there w u...doesnt matter if it was one of my lipglosses that i have 20 of, its just the point of it being taken.

sounds like ur DH exhibits the guilt parenting/my children are perfect angels who do no wrong and shouldnt be disciplined syndrome.

u need to talk to him again and tell him how u feel and make him understand.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

My SD used to do this too. Then DH would say the same thing, You have no proof. SOOOOOOO what's your point??? So, your theory is the cat or dog ran off with it? Then he would get pissed. SD used to accuse me of taking her things, never did, but found out that she would loan them to her friends and then "forget" where they were, but I was the theif........ugggghhh I really hate it when someone moves something I need or uses it all or just flat out takes it.

that the NEXT TIME something goes missing in your house,you're notifying the police. it's theft. it's illegal. simply put.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

Maybe these DH's should just be married to each other and then they don't have to listen to grown women who work for everything they have complaining when their things get stolen by the lazy kids.

I really love that one- "He says he didn't do it"

OK, yeah, SO WHAT if he SAYS he didn't do it!!!!!!!!! I get to listen to that crap at our house all the time, too.

Maybe these DH's should just be married to each other and then they don't have to listen to grown women who work for everything they have complaining when their things get stolen by the lazy kids.

I really love that one- "He says he didn't do it"

OK, yeah, SO WHAT if he SAYS he didn't do it!!!!!!!!! I get to listen to that crap at our house all the time, too.

oh, and don't feel bad about feeling vindictive- we all do when this happens. I have made a couple things "disappear" and then claimed to know nothing about it, SD style, just because it made me feel better to make him feel the way I do. Knowing someone stole from you, something you earned and paid for, and not being able to do anything about it, is not fun.

Although, he seemed to know it was me, I wouldn't admit it, and he kept saying how much it bothered him, that someone doesn't just come forward and tell the truth about what he was missing.

Anyone here that one? Raise your hand!

"They're too old to change now."

whats the freakin excuse there?! NONE

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

She's famous for it. Not from me directly (she knows better!) but she just assumes she can go into common areas of the house as well as her sisters' bedrooms, take whatever she wants to her room and never return things. It's gotten so bad that it's a 'house rule':
"if you take something to borrow it, you need to put it back in it's original place as soon as you're done using it"

But of course, she never does. Then you'll ask her, and once again, she doesn't know where anything is. And DH is stupid enough to believe her and lets it drop.

So when she goes to school, I go right to her pigsty of a room and find said item. It's always there. And I put it on DHs desk in our bedroom with a note that says, "GUESS WHERE THIS WAS FOUND?"

In the past, he's never held her accountable for:
1)not following the house rule, and
2)lying about it when asked.

It's infuriating! We'll see what happens the next time now that he's supposedly turned over a new leaf in his parenting style.

I would definitely NOT let it drop. It's your home. It's your things. Stealing is wrong. Taking things from someone without asking first, regardless of the circumstances, is stealing. No matter how you try to candy-coat the situation, it's STEALING. What is wrong with these people????

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

How's that one for a 24-year old caught red-handed?

Oh, I heard all the excuses from DH about his thieving loser adult kids.

"They are just KIDS"
"You have no proof"
"You always think the worst of my kids"
"They wouldn't do that"
and, my personal favorite, "They just don't know any better!" To which I replied, "Are they just dumb as stumps or actually retarded?"

All of it was really a way of my DH saying, "I raised embarrassing, loser adult kids who are stealing me blind, but I don't want to deal with it. So I find it easier to blame my wife instead."

Yeah, right. NoDoormat, you have every right to be pissed.

My DH, always playing the "attorney" (his job) wanted to go about every child/adult 'investigation' just like a trial. If the kid said, "No, Daddy, I didn't do it!", and there were no witnesses and no other concrete proof, then he'd just let them go on the 'grounds of no evidenciary proof. WTF????

Finally we went to our Parenting Coach and I recounted his courtroom-like approach to her. Afterward, she said to him in very stern terms, "DH, you are NOT an attorney in this matter. You are a parent. The living room is not the court room. You do not need even 10% proof that they did what you think they did. Children lie when asked if they did something. You cannot simply accept their word.

All you need is your GUT FEELING based on their past history of behavior to let you know that you THINK they did it. Period. And if they balk becuase it's 'not fair' then that's too bad because life's not fair."

I love that woman

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

So, this two year old (me) pitched her little temper tantrum and guess what... I got it back! Who says stomping & kicking doesn’t get you what you want ;-p

Wanna know where it was.... I bet you can guess. Yep, right there in SS21 apt!!

I didn't calmly discuss anything with my DH, I truly pitched a temper tantrum and shut down completely (stopped talking). Told him boundaries needed to be set and I wanted it back - period. So, he went over to SS21 apt and found it. Then tells me that he thinks it might have been a big misunderstanding, but I can talk to SS21 myself to decide. What is there to misunderstand?!?! DH asked SS21 point blank, ‘do you have it’, he said ‘no’, yet he did. I understand it completely – he wanted it, so he took it.

Sarah, you are SO funny! I think I might just use your "Are they just dumb as stumps or actually retarded?" THAT had me laughing!!

5Teens, I totally agree with you "Stealing is wrong. Taking things from someone without asking first, regardless of the circumstances, is stealing. No matter how you try to candy-coat the situation, it's STEALING."

I was so upset because this item wasn’t mine… it’s my son’s and was made for him by his aunt… not that he cares or would care that SS21 had it…. But like I said, it’s the PRINCIPLE that you just don’t take what you want… that’s STEALING!

So, I was right, I got it back, why do I feel like such a B ***h now !?

The reason you feel bad is because your DH chose to diminish the severity of the situation by believing his son over you and in turn making it seem like "you" were the one with the problem - not your SS.
I bet he accused you of overreacting and making a huge deal out of nothing. My fiancee is very good at doing this to me as well. They manage to make us feel like we are being unreasonable and difficult even though we know we're not and have every right to get upset about something.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

oh my god! You are so right, your DH needs to grow a set of balls and stop making excuses for the skids!!! If there was any stealing going on in our home I would freak right out (and so would my husband) - it's not you who needs to get a grip - what else is he willing to let slide - vandalism? stealing from stores? - will they end up in jail at 23 because of lack of discipline & rules - will he say 'oh it's alright, they're just kids' to that? Hmph...stand up for your rights girl!

~ Remember it's your life too ~

None of my skids do that to niether my husband nor myself. Why? Because DH and I would ground them until 18. They aren't even allowed to take each others things. You have to teach kids not to take things that don't belong to them.

"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"