Or does anyone else have moments where you want to scream at the step kids "SHE DOESN'T EFFING CARE ABOUT YOU"
Man I get so sick of hearing them wail "I want my mommy!"
I'm the one that gets up with them at 6 am, makes breakfast, deals with their attitudes, cleans up after their messes, makes lunch, does their laundry, plays sports with them outside, takes them swimming, makes dinner, brushes their hair, bathes them, takes them to karate, shows up at tournaments, watches them earn a new belt, deals with the nightmares, takes care of them when they are sick, cleans up their puke, cuddles them just because, reads them stories, takes them to chuck e cheese, tickles and rough houses with them, deals with their lack of manners, cleans up spilled water 20 times a day without getting upset that its spilt yet again, goes through the 2 1/2 hour bedtime ordeal, tucks them in at night, gives them their nightly kisses and hugs, deals with the disrespect and still loves them just as much as my birth children.
What has she EVER done but leave them, skip birthdays, not talk to them for months until finally calling to make promises she doesn't intend to keep, Not care about their feelings only her own, lie, cheat, heck she cared so little about them when she left she left them behind but made sure to grab all their sports equipment on her way out so ...i guess she could use it.
And yet its her they scream for at night....GRRRRRRRR
It makes me want to scream out, "she doesn't give a crap about you!" of course I don't and never would...but GRRR it makes me so mad!
It's frustrating but I think
It's frustrating but I think they always want that and obviously they want her to be something she's not- since she's not the type of person(from your post) that would do all that you are doing. Don't let it get to you, you sound like you are doing a wonderful job - unfortunately even children without alot of these kids issues don't fully appreciate everything that was done for them as children til much later in life- you are also getting the memories to cherish later- BM will not have that, and all those precious moments and milestones with all your kids, sorry I have no other advice for oyur situation.
There is no reason where logic does not exist
Oooohhhhh Girl!
I can sympathize with you more than you will ever know! I lived that way for about two and half years. Then one day, the clouds cleared and it all fell into place. Stay strong and hold on for a bumpy ride. It is a transition for them. Continue to love them unconditionally and keep reminding yourself that their actions are not intentionally to hurt you or make your life miserable. It is their little minds sifting through the crap they have lived. It is the anger towards their mom being directed at you because they expect you to leave like their mom. Show them that they can trust you. It is worth it when their anger subsides and they begin bonding with you. The day my SD sat next to me and asked me to be her real mom was one of the best days of my life. I would go through all of the hell all over again to get the end result that I did.
I reccommend that you vent here as much as possible. When you want to throw it all away or drink yourself into oblivion, contact someone here and get encouraged. Not all SM's here can allow themselves to bond with... or I should say are allowed to love the kids the way we do. They get their Skids part time and they are tainited with the venom of SM's. Cherish the opportunity you are given. Several of us have gone through it and now have incredible kids on our side and in our heart. Let go of the anger you have towards BM. The energy you use to get pissed of at that egg donor is energy you can use to fight the battle.
All of my love and encouragement to you. Knowing how you feel, I offer myself and my shoulder to lean on anytime you need it.
"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."
Oops I posted on the other one. I'll copy/paste it here
Oh YEAHHHHH....
Submitted by Sita Tara on Fri, 07/11/2008 - 11:25pm.
I have bit my tongue til it was nearly off.
My BM is a more constant presence, only skipping visitation every other month. However, maybe in the long run your BM's neglect will be understood sooner because she is even less reliable.
I still get to hear all those lovely phone calls too.
"I love you...I miss you too!" about 25 times. Ummm...if you both love and miss each other so much, why do you pick and choose when you will see each other?
Give me a break!
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
I was in the same boat as you
and GC and ST and many others. I have felt those feelings and never really had a good "out" for them until I came here much later in their lives. I agree with GC, vent here as much as possible and I also started something a while back. I got the idea from Anne about keeping an ongoing journal for them, of course I had to go back and write mine, but I have included some of my more personal feelings along the way, etc. I always kept a journal, so I have copied some of that into the skids journal. I doubt they will ever read it, but just incase they ever do, they will know that I did love them and supported them and cheered for them all along the way. Keep it up, you are fabulous!
When i have a problem with skids
I will call my father to talk to him he doesnt take my side and is an outside source very intelligent man.I have brought this up to him before because i feel the same way he said which makes sense that kids will always be loyal to theier bio parents because it is unconditional but with us the same loyalty does not lay there.But he also said that as they grow older and realize that you have been there for them and they start to show the things that you have taught them you know you have had an impact on this child and they will understand it when they mature and know that hey my mother did nothing for me.I am hoping that will happen with my skids.I looked back on my life when my son was growing up and thought my parenting to him wasnt that great i was always worried about the way he would turn out but the way my skids are to people especially me and my son has never said or done anything wrong to my dh or skids and has even told his bio father that my dh is a really great person.I realize i have installed these values into my bio son and i am damn proud he didnt turn out like them.
Been there
Done that and bought the coffee mug. I think it was my DH who so protected the children from what their mother did and how she left for so long. For the longest time the kids treated DH like dirt and thought their mother was a Goddess. Well one day when my skids gave credit to their mother (she does nothing for the kids) for a gift we actually purchased he went off. He had been taking the crap for so long and he let them know what really went down. How he lost their home, car, and everything they owned because BM ran away with another man. He told them everything they owned was because of him and I and NOT BM. BM didn't care that they lost their home. She didn't care that the children and him were homeless there for a while. That the children were not grateful to the people who actually were doing things for them. For a while there I stopped doing anything for the kids because they weren't even saying thank you. They now know who actually does things for them.
Things have changed drastically. The kids knowing the truth are treating DH and I with the respect they should. I have been hearing now and then negative things about BM because she hasn't called them in months but in spite of that I do make them at least respect their Mom.
"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"
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