My SS11 is my favourite skid (shhh....don't tell the PC brigade).
He is the nicest kid ever. He is polite, helpful, he has a great sense of humour and he will do anything he is asked to do without grumbling.
SS will make breakfast for the younger children and keep them all quiet in front of the TV for an hour when they all get up at 6am. And given the choice of how to spend his days with Dad, he will choose mowing the lawns together, working in the workshop on some project or riding bikes instead of amusement parks, movies and malls.
In the entire time I have known him (3 years) he has never asked me/us to buy something for him, but when we do, he is always grateful.
Despite the fact that BM has spent his whole life telling him what a bad person and father DH (who split from his BM before he was born) is, he LOVES to spend time with his Dad. He has always treated me with respect, and treats BM and her new husband the same way. BM is NOT a good role model (PC Brigade please note my new and improved method of describing the foul mouthed slapper), yet SS seems to have risen above her noxious influence.
SS takes Ritalin for Attention Deficit Disorder/ADHD. It stunts his growth and kills his appetite but BM insists it is necessary to control his behaviour.
Today he brought me his school report card. He is trying really hard and doing so well at school. He has even achieved merits and excellence marks in some subjects! 
A couple of his teachers mentioned in their comments that he has 'explosive anger', and a tendency to be uncooperative when angry and frustrated. I have seen this once or twice in the 3 years I have known him (when the other children have been baiting him).
The school has worked with SS and BM to try to find methods of dealing with his anger. He has a 'time out' place in the classroom where he can move to and sit on his own, but he says he doesn't like doing that.
So my long drawn out question is; does anyone have any anger management techniques that he might be able to use to get his anger under control without being embarrassed in front of this classmates.
Now we all know counseling/therapy may be helpful, but BM will not allow it. No way, no how. So I'm looking for other simple techniques that I can teach him to use when he is away from us.
And you know what else.... I think I may even love the freckle faced little skid. Shhhhh
What are the triggers?
I've had to work a lot with my BS on controlling his emotions. Not just anger, but all of them. He very much wears his heart on his sleeve and that's not always a good thing when you're trying to be "cool" with your friends. He's always been the sensitive type. I've equipped him with a few funny one-liners to use in different situations and that has helped a little. What exactly sets your SS off? Do you know?
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥
If they have joint legal
If they have joint legal custody, Dad can have the child in counseling during his time if that's what he thinks is best.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love."
Is it the Ritalin?
Do you and DH really feel he needs it? Or just BM?
Yes...counseling. But with SD at times I go to the child psychologist who coaches me on how to respond to SD's angry outbursts. So in your case BM, even with FC, can't stop YOU from consulting a child psychologist yourselves.
Read those two books I keep a pluggin. They have a ton of response suggestions, as well as gently informing the reader/parent/significant other how we contribute to the triggers.
Oh and speaking of, yes Anne good advice. I was hesitant to use humor with SD, because SD uses it to diffuse BM, and when SD tries that with me it comes across smart assed. BUT I have read enough now about helping people with any relationship/anger/psych issues that using humor in the right way to diffuse the situation is a healthy tool, both to use and to teach.
Good idea.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
MY THOUGHTS...
My SD7 takes Adderall for her ADHD. I hear you on the anger outbursts. She lives with us full time, rarely sees BM. She only takes her meds on days when she has to concentrate, like school days, when we go to large family functions, etc. If we are hanging around the house or doing normal weekend stuff, she doesn't take it. When she does take it, she has had these outbursts. I went and spoke with the councelor at school about it. Here's what he came up with...she has to write a letter to the person that she is upset with. Of course, you are not going to get her to write it in the middle of her fits, but when she is done. This serves 3 purposes, 1. you know what and who upset her, 2. how she views the situation and 3. how to fix the situation. Now, don't get me wrong...she's like other kids. She has her moments when she is a complete bone-head, just because she thinks she can be. After she is done, we talk about her letter. Sometimes her letter is a whole page sometimes is it one sentence. If it is that she is upset with I write her a letter back, and we resolve the issue without the use of loud words and flaring up tempers that are already inflamed. Her teacher even got to where she would play the "game". Eventually the letters would take a turn and become "i love you" and "thank you". I dunno...that's how I handled it with mine. GOOD LUCK
anger issues
My FH BS was on Adderall and had terrible anger outburst, thank gawd the BM and dr. decided to take him off, he is much better now.
he still has some ADD issues but those are managable.
Maybe DH can talk to BM about taking him off the meds, sometimes diet has a lot to do with ADD too.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Do you have more information
Do you have more information on the diet's effect on behavior? I have heard snippets of that and Jenny whatsername promotes it as well, but I don't actually know what they mean, less sugar? That just seems to easy.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love."
Post new comment