NO, the KIDS are not unacceptable, their BEHAVIOR is unacceptable !
I won't deal with it or put up with the disrepect... not a hard concept, right?!?!?!
They are not nice to me, well, I won't be nice to them..... I am not a door mat, never was and will never be one.
I have been talking and saying this very same thing for ummmm the last 10 months... but, my dear sweet husband (no, really, he is, I love him dearly) didn't hear it when I said it.. over and over and over. He did go to our counselor and she said it... and bam - it's like he heard it for the first time!
Not that I am not glad he finally got that concept, but geeeeezzzz I HAVE been saying this same thing.
Why is it hard for husbands to understand that bad behavior will not be tolerated, accepted, appreciated, etc. from their kids? It's a matter of RESPECT. It's not that I am out to get his kids.. or upset them... or retaliate... or steal their dad away from them... I just want them to be ADULTS (as their age reflects) and be responsible, respectful, appreciatitve, loving, kind... basically use the Golden Rule!
NOT A HARD CONCEPT, do you think?
AMEN!!
You just said everything I have been saying for almost 5 years
with my H. I WILL NOT allow his ADULT brats to dictate MY life
any more. PERIOD. END OF STORY. Of course, there is some
"balking" on his part as they have always run his life, but that's
just the way it is from now on. If he doesn't like it, I hope
he and his Adult daughters live happily every after.
And what's with we're "stealing their dad"?? It's not nearly as
bad NOW, but I remember getting letters, Emails from them telling
me what THEY (Adult SDs) expect OF ME as their dad's wife. (If daddy
wants to go somewhere with us, he should be allowed to....blah, blah)
If he wanted to hang out with THEM, he wouldn't have married ME, ya
brats! But they thought they could talk to me however they wanted,
say whatever they wanted, and I was supposed to just sit there and
nod in agreement.
NO FRIGGING WAY!!! As I've said endlessly, I KNOW they don't LIKE
ME, but they SURE DO RESPECT ME.
Hallelujah!
Who cares who delivered the miracle? Just enjoy it while it lasts! Methinks they don't hear us because they are so used to tuning us out. No, it's not a hard concept to grasp. But then again, neither is remembering to put the toilet seat down or putting their dirty clothes IN the hamper instead of ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF the hamper. Ah, husbands! Ya gotta love 'em!
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥
Anne, I am still
trying to understand how they CANNOT pee into the toilet w/o getting it on the seat. I mean, seriously, they can throw a basketball from a few yrds away and make the basket, but they CANNOT shoot a stream of pee into a HUGE bowl right in front of them. This is something I will NEVER get. Just a thought for the day
Watch and learn, Sia!
I asked my DH the same question a few years ago, when we were first married. He had no answer. So next time he went to pee, I went in and watched. It freaked him out! But not enough, obviously, because I'd still find those little drops. I finally wrote a children's story called "The Mean Ogre and the Magic Cleaning Fairy." I made sure he heard me reading it to the kids. It was about this mean ogre who didn't clean up after himself after making messy deposits in the toilet and the magic fairy who cleaned up after him so that his beloved wife wouldn't have to do it. He heard me and, man, did he ever get the message! I printed it out and left it in the bathroom, next to his tool catalogs so he'd have some extra reading material when he felt the need to use "the library." I haven't had a problem since!
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥
good point
Anne... dropping the toilet seat and putting clothes in their proper place should be second nature to an adult, or remember to take out the trash esp when it sits there overflowing for 3 days, or the birthdays of people in their lives like their own parents and siblings lol. I still love him, just annoying that things that should be commonsense are , well, not.
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.-Erma Bombeck:
Respect may be all we can get
When I financed SD24's car a few years ago (when I was still "trying") I received her payment on the first of each month. She hated my guts, but she made sure to pay up. I never threatened her or gave her any indication of what would happen if she blew me off. Never had to.
As soon as my DH took over the financing, SD24 stopped paying. Funny, because her pay had doubled since she was dealing with me. Now there is always an excuse. It is all about RESPECT. SD24 obviously doesn't respect her own father, but she certainly respects me.
I brought this observation to my DH, and he made excuses for the little bitch. Typical.
I am definitely hated by DH's adult brats, but at least they respect me (or fear me) enough to stay out of my face. At least I have that.
Awesome!
We really SHOULD get together and write a book. It's amazing how
our stories parallel!! But, it's the SAME here, when they want to
send their "daddy" letters to tell him off, they send them to his office (REAL MATURE, by the way)...they're TOO AFRAID to send them
here because I'd rip them a new one for being so IMMATURE.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!
Thats a good point!!!
Why do we expect adults to act like adults? Skids or any adult? I don't know, maybe because we expect others to be responsible as we expect from ourselves. It must be a whole step thing. I hope that my SD will eventually grow up too, but ya know it takes too much of my energy to expect something from someone who already knows everything anyway. Live and learn!!! That's all I can think of. I havent spoken to my SD since Jan 22, the day she punched me in front of my bd12. She will be turning 19 at the end of the month. I hope she doesn't expect anything from me, I'm still giving her the lesson in don't piss off your stepmom gift. We will see how all that ends up.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
I'm with you 100%
I've had the exact same problem but me skids aren't adults but they don't act their age either. At least your DH was accepting of going to a councilor! I just finally gave up. The skids are not allowed around me if they can't respect me. It pisses DH off but it works. After two or three days of not allowing the Skids to talk to me or be around me then they are very willing to do as I say.
But no it's not a hard concept and I think all of us here want to be shown respect, appreciatitiveness, love, kindness.
~Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns~
If you asked the adult stepkids...
I (Sarah) am the cause of all their failures and the breakup of their "family"--(translated "I can't get dad to believe my BS anymore and give me money when I demand it"). Yes, it's me!
Not their abusive, bipolar BM who always told them she hated them and they were mistakes, ripped their arms out of their sockets with the "mommy-jerk," chased them with knives, drugged them, and routinely pushed them down the stairs when they were little.
Not the cokehead SD19 who feels justified in stealing from us and everyone else. (It's my fault she's in a homeless shelter now).
Not the pothead, alcoholic SS21 who routinely yelled "FU" to his father, stole from him, and disrespects him at every turn. (It's my fault he did jail time for assault & battery).
Not the opportunistic SD24 who whores herself to the highest bidder, tries to destroy our marriage, and has no sense of responsibility to anyone but herself. (It's my fault she had to get a job, get out of our house and pay rent instead if taking vacations).
No, folks, it's all because of ME that their lives are chaos and their father has begun to see reality (somewhat) and disengage from them. Got that logic?
I know it's hard for me
to accept anyone treating my DH with disrespect. It doesn't matter to me if its adult skids, my bkids, his ex wife or anyone else I just don't like it. I have tried to tell DH that this is not an issue about YOUR kids; I would have a problem with this no matter who it was, he just has a hard time grasping that concept. If the shoe was on the other foot he would stand up for me right?
Adult SD is not that bad but there have been times when she has overstepped her boundries. Sometimes DH will put her back in check but there has been a time or two that he has not. I decided that I have my own boundries and will police them myself with as much decorum as I can muster. My former MIL put it like this "he is my husband, I know what is wrong with him and don't need you (her 40yo SD) to point it out". *sigh* It doesn't end at 18.
~Evil
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren
I agree with you, Evil
But I'll take it one step further...
I don't like to see disrespect toward anyone in my family...at all.
If someone is bullying my sons at school, you can be sure my "Momma Bear" mode swings into high gear and I handle it right away.
And it is exactly why I abhor the girls' BM- because of all the emotional abuse she causes them. And even though they are royal PITAs, I still have that "Momma Bear" mentality toward them- and no one messes with my family.
And yes, even when it's someone WITHIN my family who messes with ANOTHER member of my family- the gloves still come off. I just don't like it. I am a fierce protector of all members of my family- regardless of who's being abusive, disrespectful, or outright mean.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
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