Thank you to everyone for your opinions and support! I emailed BF yesterday afternoon and laid out my feelings, thoughts and reservations regarding the situation. He responded and we did some back and forth via email most of the afternoon. What I have found out is:
1)The only person going for sure is BF. The other's (X#2, her two kids and SS18) are only maybes at this point depending on their work schedules, etc.
2)X#2 and BF's mom have remained quite close since the divorce (daughter she never had type thing) and it was BF's mom who called BF and asked him to take X#2 along to the funeral. His mom RARELY asks him for anything so he felt obligated to agree even though he didn't want to.
3)BF hates X#2 with a passion because she cheated on him repeatedly during their 13 yr marriage. He walked out on her and left her with nothing after the divorce. So I have no fear of her getting back in his good graces.
4)BF explained last night in our 2 hr talk about the whole issue that he doesn't want the funeral to be the setting that I meet his mom in. She will be coming to stay with us the weekend after the funeral and that was when he was planning for us to meet.
I guess I can see his point that meeting his mom for the very first time would be awkward at her husband's funeral. That's a lot of pressure anyway - meeting the family. It doesn't change the fact that I'm hurt. I was mad as hell last night when we talked. But BF apologized and agreed that he should have asked me to go from the beginning and allowed me to make the choice for myself. That's a huge concession from him! It turns out that because of another obligation, I won't be able to go anyway.
So I'm willing to watch and wait and keep working at this relationship.
well thats gotta make u feel better!
EXCEPT now it seems u will have mother-in-law issues. how could she ask him to do that out of respect for u and him even. why is she still in her good graces after what she did to her son???
at least u know the truth and the real reasons and its much better than what u were thinking.
im happy for u for that.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Oh good
I'm so glad you guys talked this out. I know you are still feeling the pangs of hurt but I think your BF just wasn't using his head. Too many times my DH makes decisions or forgets things and I take it very personally, I end up with my feelings hurt and he ends up in the doghouse. He usually has no clue why I am upset but always knows it's somehow his fault.
~Evil
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren
Future MIL issues
I agree that it was kinda shitty of FMIL to "invite" X#2 to go with BF. However, I chalk it up to the fact that X#2 has a long history with FMIL and I'm not sure BF ever told his mom the whole story behind the breakup of the marriage.
On a brighter note and something I had kinda forgotten about: a couple weeks ago after BF talked to his mom, he walked in the living room and sat down next to me. He looked over and said "my mom says X#2 really likes you". Weird but it kinda made my day.
"I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves."
That's great!
I'm glad it's all worked out!
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥
Im so glad he sat down with
Im so glad he sat down with you to iron it all out. All the best to you.
Great News!
Now can you send your DH over to my house to teach my husband how to discuss things calmly. Wow, I did not even know that a man could admit "I should of" or "I'm sorry". LOL! Wonderful for you guys, this will really help build a strong foundation for you two.
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."
Good for you and Dh
I am glad to hear you worked it out.
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