BF's stepdad passed away this past Wednesday night down in AZ. I had never met him. Funeral services are being held next Wednesday in IA and BF is of course going. I thought he was going alone. So last night we are mapquesting it and figuring out what time he needs to leave. I made a comment about "driving all that way by yourself" and he says, "oh no, I'm taking X#2, her two kids and SS18". You could of knocked me down with a feather. I understand that he and X#2 were married 13 yrs and that she knew the stepdad for about 7 of those years. Why does she need to ride with BF though?
And the real kicker...He never asked me to go...not once.
I'd tell him not to come back.
The dead man won't know she's there. He's dead. So who is she going for? BF? Uh-uh. You should be there to support him. If she wants to pay her respects, she should go herself and do it. I would've just assumed that I was going along, too, and asked BF, "So, when do WE leave?"
________________________________________________________________
ANNE 8102 ♥ GEORGIA
Okay, I changed my answer.
I didn't realize that you'd only been together for six months. All I read in your bio was that you are living together as a family.
I think it's probably too soon for you guys to be living together, especially since your relationship hasn't had time to evolve to the point that he would think of YOU first to accompany him to this funeral. But it's already done and you can't unring a bell, sooooo... all you can do is decide if you want to give your relationship time to catch up to your living arrangment, knowing you'll probably be playing second fiddle for a while in the meantime, or step back from it and maybe re-evaluate whether this situation is really right for you and your children. His actions don't show the level of commitment that I would think are required before moving in together and setting up housekeeping as a family.
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥
Absolutely unacceptable. If
Absolutely unacceptable. If she wants to go to pay her respects, she needs to find her own way, and you should be with your BF. No way, no way, no way. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
I'm sorry.
Wow...
I never get why men can be so daft.
I would sit him down, explain that though you know that the funeral is not about you, you are hurt that he doesn't consider you his family yet.
This may open up an incredibly important discussion.
I went with my exH to a few of his family's funerals. He lost an aunt and uncle that I was very close to, who lived about an hour away.
BUT....
The first time I rode in the back seat with his W in the front seat. The second time I rode with DH and we sat with my ex and my sons at the wake (their SM had to work that day and couldn't make it.)
We have a very good relationship, and I have also become friends with my sons' SM so there's a lot of trust there.
This situation is not acceptable. You have every right to feel hurt, and this needs to be a discussion about establishing appropriate personal limits.
I like Anne's suggestion. If you haven't outright been told he doesn't expect you to go I would say, "Good news! I got off work and can make the trip too."
Just try that and see how it goes.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
You're
not wrong to feel hurt, I'd be livid. Well, if I had just met him I would expect this, but if we were serious I certainly would be very angry. That might foreshadow the type of life you'd have later with him. Maybe he is more important to you than you are to him.
Time to get all this straightened out.
WTF
thats what i say...no way!! Id be pissed to the max! Definately need to talk to him about this!
I agree with
all of the above! What an idiot! You need Cru's frying pan!
You're not wrong,
he is!! That's just ridiculous!!
Dawn
oh no
sometimes men just dont think in an emotional sense, first of all explain to him how it makes you feel and if he still wants to go with her, then get the frying pan!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
I'd go
or ask that he not chauffeur his ex. I'd also tell him in no uncertain terms that your feels are hurt and you are not happy to be marginalized this way.
I remain, the world's most evil stepmom; ask anyone.
The only way I could see
The only way I could see this happening is if your bf didnt have a significant other in his life. I would be feeling so bad I would have to reconsider my relationship with him.
My question - what are the
My question - what are the sleeping arrangements if this is an overnight? I would be pissed as well - especially if he didn't invite you. My ex (was current at the time) went with me to my uncle's funeral he never met to support me during that time -
men are incapable of thinking - for all you know htis crazy B wants her hands on your dh AGAIN OR to threaten your relationship and saw a chance when he conveyed to her that he passed to want to go - she's going to love the fact that "she was there for him when he GF couldn't be"
How long have you and your
How long have you and your boyfriend been together? Have you met his family before?
I went back and read some of
I went back and read some of your blogs. I feel really bad for you. This man is bringing way to much junk into your life. Why dose he think he can call so many shots without even discussing things with you? I would run away with my three kids. Hes not even being respectful to you. This is your life hes taking advantage of. Im getting all worked up....take care.
Went back as well
I went back and read your blogs as well. Doesn't seem like this situation has been working for you from the start. And, it doesn't seem like he cares if it does or not. If he insists on going to AZ with X#2 and not you, I say let him go, but don't be there when he returns. Maybe the two of you can work this out in time, but it all sounds a little fishy to me. You're being taken advantage of my dear. Put your foot down now.
"I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more."
Dorothy Parker, Here Lies (1939), "The Little
We've been together 6 months
And I have not met his family as they live in Arizona and Tennessee. This is the straw that broke the camels back. I thought it might be possible I was overreacting but no, it's just another in a long line of shit he expects me to just deal with. He thinks he is an adult and can do whatever he wants whenever he wants without any concern for me. I'm done.
"I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves."
Ok, you have been together 6
Ok, you have been together 6 months and not met his family, is a funeral REALLY when you want to met the family? Is that when they really want to meet his newest love interest?
I'm not at all trying to downplay your importance in his life- but 6 months is not really that long in the grand scheme of things. It would not have even occurred to me to bring current hubby to a funeral when we had been dating for 6 months. He had barely met my children at that point.
I understand there is other stuff involved here too, but are you maybe letting your frustration with a lot of things culminate on this one issue that may not otherwise have been a big deal?
I think that it is entirely
I think that it is entirely ok to bring someone that you have been dating for 6 mths to a funeral, provided that person wants to go. I have friends that went to my grandmother's funeral. Had they met my family before the wake??? no. Did they come to support me in my time of grief, yes. Did anyone think it was weird that I had girlfriends that they had never met before showing up?? no. I introduced my friends to my family.. Gave family there something else to think about, other than my grandmother. Gave them a moment of relief to think about something different.
I think House has been put through the ringer w/this guy, and he is showing exactly what he is bringing to the table, which isnt much more than a headache.
House.. stick to your guns... you deserve better.
Stick to your guns on this
Stick to your guns on this one. Hugs to you.
When I was dating DH
A close family member of his died. He had been dating this woman before me and claims only went out with her a few times. To my shock he called her to inform her that his family member died.
I got really upset. This woman kept sending DH flowers and he didn' t do a damn thing about it. So I had made up my mind to leave him. I really should have at the time. I just felt sorry for him.
He finally did tell the woman he was dating me. He almost lost me then.
All I am saying is that my DH was an insensative jerk and your BF is doing the very same thing. There is no reason he has to drive the ex and make an appearence like they were a family. What is wrong with some of these people????
"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"
wow
I can't stand it when my husband has to even talk to his EX on the phone.There would be no way in hell i'd be supportive with him spending time again with her alone, I don't think he would even open that invatation up to her to begin with. and how does he get away with just springing this on you without even talking to you first about his plans????
House, you have every right
House, you have every right to be upset. This is completely unacceptable and disrespectful to you. There is NO reason for his ex-wife to ride with him to the funeral - NONE!! If she wants to pay her respects she can find her own way. I also do not see anything wrong with you attending the funeral either, even if you have only been together for 6 months. The 2 of you are living together and trying to build a life together. Even though this may not be the best time to meet his family - I think it will show how committed you are to him and to the relationship. If you are good enough to live with then you are good enough to attend his father's funeral.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
i agree about some things here...
6 months...well, that depends on the 2 of u and how u are as a couple. only u can know whether or not thats too soon for u to accompany him...BUT the ex and her kids riding w him ...hell NO! if she wants to go, fine, but drive your damn self.
its completely disrespectful that he would do this to u...u are living together and he made that commitment...period.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
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