OK, so this past Saturday was my first run in with my BF's ex in a social situation. IT WAS VERY AWKWARD and unnecessary if you ask me. My bf had a bday party for his son (who turned 5). He had it as his brother's house and invited only his cousins and their kids and I invited 2 of my friends. His ex already had a party for the son on Friday (which was his real bday) but still felt the need to come on Saturday. She was annoying and loud. She made comments to my bf about how she thought my friends were making faces at her (hello, we are 36 years old, not 3). Also, my bf calls me sweetie alot, so she made a comment to him that everytime she heard him say sweeite, she couldn't help but turn around because she thought he was talking to her. Hello, YOU ARE DIVORCED! why would he be calling you sweetie?? She was on her cell phone most of the day texting (she brought a friend with her too mind you) and was just being generally obnoxious. she wore her wedding rings and felt the need to tell everyone ( like they didnt know already) that she used to be married to my BF. Ugh! I didnt act like any of this bothered me. Just talked to my bf, talked to my friends and my bf family like everything was fine. Everyone else thought it was odd she was there. Totally using son as an excuse. Made him open his gifts and right when he started she got a phone call and proceeded to take the call!! All she wanted to do was try and start trouble between me and BF I swear, or she was just being nosey and wanted to see how we got along or how his fam got along with me. It was the longest day ever. I was so relieved when she left!!!! It just frustrates me because I wanted that to be me and my BF's party for his son and I feel she totally invaded it. Hopefully this won't be the case next year. UGH!! Why must life be so difficult sometimes??? I'm sure many of you have been in this situation before too? Was I right just wanting this to be our party for him and not to include her in on it? I think my BF mentioned it to her not thinking she would actually show up. Be interested to hear others similar experiences....
Why the hell...
Excuse me, but WTF? Why would your bf and his family allow her there at all?
I think you did great!
And I think you are correct on just about every point - it was entirely unnecessary, she had no place being there, she was trying to see how the two of you get along and how you get along with his family, she was trying to cause trouble and she was trying to stake a claim that she's already lost. Next year she needs NOT to know where or when the party is. I don't want to stress you out worrying about future events but I think you should watch out for another attempt of this type at Christmas... maybe remind the boyfriend about this party incident sometime around mid-November so he doesn't accidentally mention any Christmas plans. My boyfriend's ex was incredibly nasty and underhanded in their divorce and now wants us all to hang out. Not a chance...
Sorry...
About being so rude in my first post. Just can't believe you had to go through that. I'm with semi -- you did fabulous darling!
BM was the rude one!
You mentioned that everyone was uncomfortable... it sounds like the boyfriend's family backs you up on this and doesn't intend on including her intentionally so that's good. How long have they been divorced? If this is the first round of birthday/holiday/etc. maybe she's just trying to show how well she's doing and what a cool ex-wife she is and the whole thing will just die a natural death after she moves on a bit.
We've had the "joint" party...
before and have opted to have separate ones now.
BM acted very similar to yours. She was generally obnoxious and extremely rude to DH. She also brought three of her girlfriends who proceeded to be shitty to me. I couldn't help but laugh. These women were pushing forty. I decided to maturely endure the party and hang out with DH and the other moms that I knew. She looked like such a fool, especially when she was snipping at DH. Her mom even told her to shutup.
After that, DH explained to BM that it would be in everyone's best interest to not have joint b-day parties anymore. It was a nice way to tell her that she wasn't invited anymore.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
after SD had seperate(by
after SD had seperate(by that I mean- we always had a party BM has rarely done much for her in the way of parties) parties for years 4-13, we invited SDs other brother which somehow ended up w/ BM being there also(she will drop these two off at a pool years before this, SD has watched him overnight for years- just an excuse as far as I am concerned) so I did invite BMs sister since she was in town at the time and has no ill feelings for either DH or I, she was a buffer- it worked for the most part BM stayed away from us for the most part but did also make comments a year later- that she felt my family was rude to her( I thought they were nice considering none of them have ever seen her- and most didn't know who she was-that makes it hard to be rude)although my family usually uses any reason to interact w/each other since we really don't get together as often as we'd like- same with DHs side.
My question has always been, what was she expecting- I walk her around and introduce her- now that would've been interesting?
There is no reason where logic does not exist
By the way, I WILL NEVER DO
By the way, I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN. SEPERATE GRADUATION, BIRTHDAY AND ANY THING AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, everybody is feeling the tension, and it overshadows the day for atleast some involved.
There is no reason where logic does not exist
She made
Seems like she made a total ass of herself.
"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"
She made
Seems like she made a total ass of herself.
"GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE YOU EVIL TROLL. YOU HAVE NO POWERS HERE"
Separate vs. Joint???
I wonder if mom's behavior was a manifestation of her own discomfort with the situation? Not that it excuses it, but she may have just been trying to be funny or whatever and just fell short of the mark. One of the things I encourage parents to do is to "assume the good" because most of us do not walk around trying to be horrible to others, our intentions are just misread.
I think families who can pull off joint parties should be commended. It makes one event that focuses totally on the child, and the child has the opportunity to see everyone coming together for their benefit. It also goes a long way in paving a smooth path for other co-parenting issues.
Granted, it does NOT work for every family, that is just the way it is. But you and your boyfriend should be very proud of yourselves that you treated mom in a welcoming manner and tried to proceed with the day positively. It really could have been a lot worse.
I NEVER invited
BM to any of the parties we have ever had. The ONLY thing she was invited to was their baptism, in a CHURCH......I figure she can't act so stupid there, right.....wrong. She got up 1/2 through and left? Who knows why, maybe she felt too guilty??? hehehe Anyway, I have never wanted her in my home or anywhere around my boys. Period. She is not welcome anywhere I am, EVER. I think those who have the strength to do that are great, but I do not have that kind of strength.
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