Step Talk

but my Dh doesn't like to rock the Bm boat. If I say he needs to talk to Bm about this, he will say that he can't control her.

I don't think that it's good at all to expose ss to this kind of thing but I'm ONLY the step mom.

I was just wondering what others might think about it.

Dawn

at the very minimum I can FORCE Dh to talk to ss about how inappropriate that was.

Dawn

What should Dh tell ss about his mom and her live in ex's behavior? Any suggestions on how to not sound like we're putting them down?

Dawn

Just sit SS down and talk about about this is behavior is inappropriate. He will understand. Tell him that sometimes adults make decision that are not right...that's how people learn how to make the correct desicions. As a young person himself, I am sure that he has made some questionable decisions. He needs to know that parent sometimes make mistakes too. Focus the discussion on how you don't condone what BM does and that you want him to know that it's OK not to like what she does, but he still needs to respet her decisions. Tell him that when he is an adult with someone special in his life, that he needs to treat that person with adoration and respect. When those feelings are gone, it's OK to "let them go" with dignity...and what his BM and her ex-bf are doing is not respecting eachother. You, as a lady, might want to point out that you want him to know how to treat a lady...and vice versa with his dad. If he resides with you, then chances of this behavior becoming habit for him, is slim. Just set a good expamle, which you seem to be doing already, and he will hopefully follow.

With your DH. He has no way of controling what goes on in BM's life. And, as kids we can't pick our parents. You and DH should do what you think is appropriate in your own home to set a good example. Unless something BM and her boyfriend do put the child in direct harm, it's none of your business. There are always two sides to every story, and I know from experience with my own S, the way he interprets things can be a little off sometimes.

"I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more."
Dorothy Parker, Here Lies (1939), "The Little

so should Dh just talk to ss about the things that are happening or just ignore the whole thing?

Dawn

unless or until SS asks questions

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

"I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more."
Dorothy Parker, Here Lies (1939), "The Little

Ss is about one month away from turning 13.

Dawn

SS should know if he's ever uncomfortable in any situation he can go to DH (and/or you if you're comfortable with that). If you & DH think there needs to be a conversation with SS to make sure he understands that, you should. I wouldn't press on this specific issue. I don't believe if this truely was some sort of date that SS should have been there. Crazy! But, he's going to meet all kinds of people in life. It's hard sometimes, but we can't control what kinds of influences our kids (bio & step) run into daily. Even with their own parents or extended family. Just hope they know right from wrong.

"I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more."
Dorothy Parker, Here Lies (1939), "The Little